


Broken Bird Ballad

by Jazz_2_chess



Category: DCU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Batfamily, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Jason Todd Deserves Happiness, Jason Todd is Red Hood, M/M, Past Character Death, Slow Burn, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-01-29 00:56:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 51,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21401497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazz_2_chess/pseuds/Jazz_2_chess
Summary: After Jason returns from the grave, he is confronted by a new world that doesn't seem to have a place for him anymore. After an attack (or two) on his life, Jason and the Bats have to work together even if it means talking about their problems.Feelings get in the mix like they often do.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne
Comments: 53
Kudos: 423





	1. Joke's on you, Jay!

_**“I deserved a better goodbye. Or didn’t I?”** _

He remembered the words he had flung at him so carelessly, watching in desperation as they fell flat against the body armour hugging Bruce like a second skin. His heart had been beating too fast in his chest, the foul taste of stale blood still on his tongue.

“You can't stop crime! That's what you never understood! I'm CONTROLLING it! You want to rule them by fear but what do you do to those who aren't afraid?! I'm doing what YOU won't! I'm taking them out!”

He had been right, that day, and the Bat, as per usual, hadn’t listened. It had felt like a punch in the gut when Bruce had turned his back on him, disappearing down a dark corridor without so much as an answer. Jason had been left standing with his hands in the air, the domino covering his face and the helmet clutched tightly in his grip. He had killed not shortly thereafter, relishing in the adrenaline rush that had consumed him the minute his bullet had found its target. The feeling had been heady, his vision almost clouded. After the pit, this had been his first real grasp of a semblance of control. He hadn’t been able to give up even a fraction of that new-found freedom.

The Hood offered him what the suit never had.

A chance.

A chance to rid Gotham of the evil lurking in the streets, without remorse. The villains he offed weren’t redeemable, weren’t human. There was no reason to spare them, have them put into Arkham, like a slap on the wrist, just for them to re-emerge weeks later with a better plan and a bigger arsenal. Jason hated seeing them roam the streets of the city.

_His_ city, he thought with wrath cursing through his veins.

* * *

Jason could count on one hand the times he had been forced to enter the batcave and had left without a shouting match. This was not one of those times. After his methods had caught Bruce’s interest, not that it had taken very long, the Bad had tried to win him over to the good side, quoting family. Jason had ignored him just fine, the body count rising steadily beneath his feet. The Red Hood had quickly become a name that was only said in hushed whispers in dark alleys, feared more than anything else. Jason enjoyed living up to the name, tinting the streets with blood whenever he warranted it.

The cape hadn’t worked for him before, so now that he was free to choose, he picked up a disguise that would make even the worst of the bunch tremble in fear.

It didn’t take long for the bats to get on his case again. This time, a drug-deal hadn’t gone over smoothly enough for Jason to call it a success and he found himself trapped in a circle of what appeared to be two Robins, a furious Bat and Nightwing. Briefly, he felt around his head for the obvious concussion since there was no way _two_ Robins were glaring at him right now, in an almost mocking incarnation of what the golden boy and him must have looked like together. 

“Hood,” the Bat growled out in typical Bruce fashion.

“I thought, I made myself clear.” Jason really should have made a run for it, even if it would have risked bumping into the police. Everything was better than an interrogation by the bats. He gave a lopsided grin, shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly and bit his lip to stop the pained sound from escaping his lips when the movement stirred the bullet in his shoulder-blade.

“This is not how we do things.” Behind the domino, Jason rolled his eyes.

“Sorry Bats, no, can do.” Bruce was definitely scowling under that ridiculous mask. Well, why did he care anyway? It’s not like Jason was still working under him.

“You can’t just shoot people because you feel like it,” and now Dickiebird was talking with all that righteousness that Jason abhorred. He snorted a laugh that came out like an ugly snarl and turned to the other man.

“Why not, pretty boy? ‘s my city. I’ll clean it how I see fit. Not like you and your birds are doing much of that anyways.” It was a pleasure to see Dick clench his fists. It reminded him of old times, when Dick would get annoyed with him over something silly.

Then the smallest Robin huffed out a breath, directing Jason’s attention away from his past and back to the present. Jason shook the reminiscent emotions off like it was nothing and focussed entirely on that ball of rage that stared up at him.

“You are a threat, Hood. And we will make sure you are eliminated!” As much as Jason wanted to kick the little guy right where it hurt, he had to admit, the kid had balls. Seemed as if Bruce had finally picked up someone who had the guts to back up the costume. The golden boy certainly hadn’t fit the bill, Jason thought to himself, even if it was just to quiet that voice inside his head telling him all kinds of things.

That Bruce had always preferred the original Robin over him, was only one example.

“I’d like to see you try, shortstack.” Jason watched the anger in the mini-Robin bubble up until he was pulling out two rather large swords. God, did Bruce not keep a leash on those kids anymore?

It was Nightwing, though, who held the boy back with a firm grip on his shoulder. Jason wasn’t surprised to see Dick’s influence on him. Something bitter rose in his throat. If Dick had been that kind of reassurance for him, maybe-

“If you keep up the head count, Hood, I’ll be forced to take action against you.” The warning in his voice resonated strongly with Jason. Not that he had any intention of stopping what he thought was right, but he didn’t fancy another trip to Arkham that didn’t involve wreaking havoc there. The other three simply stared at him but Jason knew Bruce wasn’t talking to Red Hood, not really anyway.

“You’d have to catch me first!” he says, because snark was always a safe retreat. He had had quite enough of this nonsense, so he fumbled for the smoke bombs stored in his jacket and lights one.

If it flew a little closer to Bruce than intended, making the Dark Knight cough pathetically, well, it was not Jason’s fault.

* * *

Sooner or later though, Jason had another run in with a bat while on patrol. It was inevitable really, this was Gotham after all and the city had always been infested with bats. This time, the replacement grinned down on where he had managed- to Jason’s utter surprise- to pin him against the floor.

“Maybe you should check that helmet of yours, Hood. What good does it if you don’t even see me approach?” Alright, Jason could admit defeat when he needed to but did the bastard have to be so smug about it?

He was currently struggling with some form of net that the boy had covered him with and which was the source of his current predicament. Not that the lanky boy could have kept him there any other way, mind you. He really felt like he needed to emphasise that.

“You have some nerve!” Hood spat out, not giving the replacement the satisfaction of seeing him sweat. Damn, that net must have been made of some new material. His knifes proved to be useless and even the discreetly used blade didn’t do much to free him. He huffed out a breath. This was not how he had imagined his evening to go.

“What are you even doing here? Aren’t you a bit far away from the nest? This isn’t exactly Wayne-manor, baby-bird.” He watched the Robin scowl, clearly visible even with the mask firmly in place. It looked as if the black hair was in the job description.

“Tim Drake, right?” Jason smirked when the mention of his real name made the replacement snap taught. He had done his research and not for naught. The look of utter superiority was back in place quickly, but not quickly enough for Jason to not have caught the glimmer of fear in the other’s expression.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” Ah, and he was good, Jason had to admit. But Jason had been his predecessor, he thought bitterly to himself, Bruce had trained him just the same. The situation was starting to piss him off. He writhed around again just to see the replacement grin.

“There’s no use in fumbling for that knife of yours, Hood. It won’t work against this-“ he ran a finger over the structure of the net, sounding quite proud.

“And I think Batman will be so glad when he finally gets here.”

Jason went cold, then hot again.

Fuck this!

Without thinking it would work, he used all his back muscle and pushed. The net made a vain attempt to hold up. But it was just that, an attempt. Jason got to admire the look of utter incredulity on the replacement’s face before making a run for the backdoor. He reached it just before the tires of the batmobile screeched to a halt.

“See ya’ later, baby-bird. I have places to be!”

* * *

The first time, he helped out a bat, he drank himself unconscious barely an hour after. It had been Dick of all people. The idiot had been captured by Ivy and she was mixing up a mean cocktail of drugs that would have been sure to knock Dick off his feet for quite some time, if Jason hadn’t acted on impulse. He had flung himself at Ivy, his body mass connecting with her slender frame with a sickening crash, and she had stayed down after that.

Without thinking of consequences Dick’s binds had been cut and he had heaved the other out of the window. Jason, to this day, still didn’t know what had been wrong in his head for him to make sure Dick was alright.

It would have been a fantastic way to get rid of him.

“Hood?” Great, now the bastard knew who had saved him. What was it about Grayson that made Jason act like a fool over and over again?

“Didn’t know you got off on aphrodisiac, Wing,” he hadn’t been able to stop the teasing from seeping into his voice without permission. Dick always brought out the worst in him. Even if it was in the form of slipping back into old banter.

“Don’t need aphrodisiac to get off, Hood,” Dick retorted, sounding a bit more himself by the minute. Jason made sure to send a “injured bird found, toxin test required” to whoever was watching over Dick’s burner and fled the scene before someone came to pick up the idiot.

Back at his safehouse, Jason had been so paranoid that someone was following him that he burned the thing down first chance he got. He had grabbed a bottle of whisky and had downed it in one go after reaching his second safehouse. His inner voice had kept cursing at him, making accusations that hit a little too close to home for him to listen to. Instead, he hit the wall hard enough to leave behind a fist-shaped hole and had passed out on the poor excuse of a bed.

Not even his usual night terrors had managed to drown out the feeling of having given a part of himself up for rescuing Dick. He had thought so firmly that he had cut every feeling connecting him to the bats a long time ago.

Turned out, he wasn’t as good at lying to himself as he had thought.

Jason was many things, but he was not ungrateful, even though he had a feeling that Alfred would disagree. His chest ached when he allowed himself to think about the butler that had always felt more like a parent to him than was probably healthy.

That aside, Jason had joined forces with various bats, and Oracle on one memorable occasion, for the past six months or so. First, it had been out of a sense of guilt since Red Robin had saved his ass one too many times than he would have been comfortable with. And second, because the bat’s arsenal was as lethal as it was impressive. And Jason liked lethal. Even if he had managed to control those darker impulses with an increasing success rate for quite a while now.

He still worked mostly on his own though. But if- only if- a bat needed help and he was free, he would consider helping. Otherwise, it was every man (or boy, in the demon spawn’s case) for themselves.

Jason should really have been paying closer attention to his statistics. He cursed himself in retrospect because Jason Todd’s life was rarely ever easy and things had been going smoothly for far too long. As it was, he hadn’t been particularly concerned when following up on a lead he had come across a day ago.

It should have been easy but that was usually when push came to shove.

* * *

He had been trailing a human-trafficking ring when it had happened. Even later on, he wouldn’t know for sure if the mishap had been his fault or if he could have prevented it. But, as it turned out, one of the girls had gotten a little too loud for her captors to ignore and they had moved in on her with a threat of more than bodily harm in the air. Jason had reacted without thinking, had flung himself down from where he was perched and had knocked out two goons at once upon arrival.

His good luck had ended right there.

It had turned out that not only did they sell humans, which made them the one of the worst scum on the planet in Jason’s opinion, no, they were also dealing with weapons.

Just great, he thought while trying to dodge the rain of bullets flying his way.

“That all you’ve got?” He yelled when he had found cover. The victims were safely behind a wall, that much he had made out before running in like an idiot. So, now, the only thing between them and Jason was a handful of gangsters with machine guns.

Easy as pie, right?

Yeah, not so much, Jason quickly realised. He barely managed to take down two of them with strategically placed shots, shattering their knee-caps and other precious bones, when a bullet grazed his shoulder. He cursed, pain spreading slowly towards his fingers. Still, he didn’t aim to kill them, a waste of opportunity, if you asked him and instead flung himself at the group without a second thought.

A blade pierced his skin and blood trickled down his neck. That would be a bitch to clean, he thought to himself.

Half running, half sliding, he connected hard with goon number 5 and pulled out his feet from under him. The guy crashed down rather unceremoniously, hitting the floor with a sickening “thug” that was music to Jason’s ears. It was then, looking up through his helmet, that he noticed a guy aiming his gun at him. He must have come in late to the fight, his suit a brilliant shade of white without any splatters of blood.

“Stand up slowly!” Jason swore under his breath. This was just what he needed. Another bag of dicks thinking he was boss in a city Red Hood called his home.

“Now-“ but he didn’t let the slimy guy finish. Instead, the minute he was up on his feet, he charged. Comical surprise decorated the guy’s face before Jason’s fist connected with it. Blood drenched his glove while broken teeth scraped its material.

Before Jason could move in on him though, three shots hit his leg. He stumbled down, furiously looking around for his attacker. One of the others had picked up a gun- stupid mistake, Jason scolded himself- and had shot him.

Jason was so, so done.

He righted himself, cautious not to put too much weight onto his leg and wobbled towards the guy who had, fortunately, seemed to lost his aim in the eyes of a very pissed of Red Hood.

“Now, did you really think this all the way through?” Judging by the way the gun shook in his hand, he hadn’t. Jason approached, rage hitting him deep in the core.

He hated getting shot.

Five feet separated them. Jason drew back his hand, ready to hit gun right of the guy’s lax grip when something fast and blue acted before he got the chance to. A well-placed hit to the goon’s neck and the man fell to the ground like a sack of rice. Jason was left staring. That was until the blue shimmer grinned at him.

“Fancy seeing you here, Hood.”

_Great_. Why did the universe hate him so much?

“Nightwing,” he pressed out coldly.

“Thought you could use some help.”

“I had it covered.”

“Course you did,” Dick said with that infuriating grin. Jason groaned. Did he have to be so placating? He was working himself up for a grand retort, maybe something to do with Dick’s suit and that the oxygen clearly wasn’t reaching his brain if he thought Red Hood needed his help, when he, involuntarily, put weight right onto his injured leg. He went down in a similar fashion like Dick’s opponent, if you could even call him that, had.

A lot of clenching his teeth and huffing out short breaths was involved until he could stand up again. The pain in his shoulder didn’t help matters.

“Hood?” Jason hated- _hated!_\- the concern evident in Dick’s voice. Why was the dickface even here? This was bat-free territory.

“Fuck off, Wing!” He was not above cursing. Damn those stupid idiots. It should have been an easy job. Get in, get the victims, get out. But no, of course not. Because Jason’s life was never easy.

All Jason’s attempts at making a run for it were proven to be futile, seeing as Dick found him every time he thought he had escaped. The fucker had called the police after ensuring the victims were alright and had sprinted after him the second he got the chance. Jason wasn’t in his right mind, otherwise he would have realised that Dick must have planted a tracker on him. He was getting closer to his safehouse when the menace appeared on a motorcycle beside him. How Jason had managed to drive was beyond him but he’d be forever grateful for that last bit of dignity.

Dick tried to sign at him to slow down but Jason hit the gas. He was aware that his head was feeling a little too light and that he couldn’t breathe right but he powered through. He just needed to reach his safehouse and then he could break down. Faster than he would have thought himself capable of, he reached the door, put in the pin and threw it close. Or tried to. Because the persistent fucker had snuck inside with Jason and was now trying to steady him with a hand on his arm.

“Damn it, Hood. Just let me-“ and Jason might have been a little wobbly on his feet, but he would not let Dick touch him, thank you very much. And if he had to fling the other man across the room to get to the door, so be it.

Unfortunately, Jason had miscalculated how badly he was injured. That fact made itself known rather persistently when he tripped over nothing and fell head-first against his counter. He hit his forehead on the wooden edge, cursing as he went to the ground. His helmet might have softened the fall if he had not flung it onto his couch a minute ago to finally breathe without feeling suffocated.

He thanked everyone who was listening that his domino was still shielding his face from view. Even more so, when Dick was on him in an instant, not the slightest bit rebuffed when Jason tried his best to shove him away.

“Will you just stop for a goddamn minute!” The elder huffed out and pinned Jason against the counter. Any other day and Jason could have shrugged him off without a problem, but today was not any other day and Jason felt his strength leave him faster than he was comfortable with.

“I don’t know what possessed you to go in there without backup like a freaking idiot but you’re bleeding out and if you don’t stop moving, you’ll be dead before your stubborn head hits the ground.” Jason managed a snort that sounded like a dying animal.

“Don’t worry, Big Bird. Been there, done that,” he cringed when Dick touched one of the many bullet holes in his leg.

“Didn’t stick.”

If Dick was caught off guard, he didn’t show it. Jason barely had the brain capacity to think it odd that the idiot didn’t make a pun, didn’t even comment. It stung, he had to admit. That even now, bleeding out on his own damn kitchen floor, Dick didn’t acknowledge what had happened to him.

_Right. _

_They don’t care about you. _

_Don’t keep forgetting that, you idiot. _

That voice was back in his head and it made him try to stir again. He wanted to drown it out so badly and until now, the pain had done a swell job at that. But Dick had managed to stop the blood flow long enough for his head to get a little clearer, and the voice to get a little louder. Jason groaned. Leave it to Dick to make this even worse than it had been.

“Sit up!” Jason was startled out of his thoughts and nearly panicked when he realised that he didn’t remember laying down. There were blurry spots dancing in his vision and Dick’s voice sounded like he was under water.

_This wasn’t good.  
_

He fought to remain conscious, distinctly aware that if Dick got his way- and when did Golden Boy ever not?- he’d likely end up in the batcave. And if there was a chance, even one that involved dying again, he’d take it just to avoid being brought back there in such a state of vulnerability.

It was the last thought on his mind before he blacked out.  
  


* * *

The steadiness of Hood’s heartbeat, which he was only able to hear because the heart monitor in the other room was attached to the main computer Dick was staring at, calmed him down a bit. He knew what Bruce would say if he could see him right now, but frankly, he didn’t care. Red Hood had gotten him out of some pretty nasty situations without second thought and Dick sure as hell would return the favour if he could.

The guy couldn’t be all that bad, he thought, considering that he had personally seen him move heaven and earth on three separate occasions to get out civilians before the shootout had started.

That counted, at least in Dick’s book.

Also, there was something startlingly familiar in the way Hood fought tooth and nail against being rescued. Dick had brushed it off more than once, that feeling the Red Hood elicited in him when he watched the other man fight. Dick saw some of his own moves reflected in the Hood’s style but it was mixed up with other techniques, some of which even Bruce had grudingly admitted to never have seen someone execute so flawlessly. Dick could appreciate a skilled fighter when he saw one. And he was fairly sure that Hood was on their side when it really counted.

It had been pure coincidence, running into him tonight. He had been on patrol when shots had rung through, what Dick had thought, was an empty warehouse. Turned out the bats had been a bit misinformed. When he had reached Red Hood, the guy had already been on the floor. Dick had felt a fleeting sting of worry before the muscle of a guy had stood back up again, approaching the one goon left standing with unfiltered rage.

Dick had seen that anger in the Red Hood before but it shook him every time he witnessed it again.

This wasn’t even Bruce’s level of anger and he knew in his gut that it sat deep. Dick had watched in a bizarre state of fascination how the Red Hood had dragged himself towards his opponent on a leg that had at least three bullet holes that were staining his pants an ugly black. He had decided to jump in then and had knocked the goon out with a well-placed hand to the neck, a move Bruce had taught him long ago.

Something akin to recognition had been visible in Hood’s eyes but before Dick had gotten a chance to really look, it had passed.

The Doc had insisted on keeping Dick out of the room while he worked his magic.

After a while, Alfred had joined him with two cups of tea.

They had waited in silence until the Doc had come back out, a worried brow climbing up high on his forehead. Dick had prepared for the worst. But, it had turned out that the injuries had not been the cause of the Doc’s hesitation. It should have ticked him off, Dick thought in retrospect, there had been so many things he should have recognised.

But, fact was, he hadn’t, and neither had anyone else. Then again, no one had really known him before.

_Before._

Before his death, a voice in Dick’s head spat out. Dick reeled back when the impact of the words hit him. Alfred too, by the look of it. They stormed into the room where Jason- and it _was_ Jason, no doubt about it once they had gotten a good look at his face- was sprawled out against the cushions of the bed. His right cheek rested against a pillow so that he was facing the door.

The amnesia hadn’t worn off yet and Dick was glad for it since Red Hood- _Jason_, he reminded himself- would never have allowed them here.

Dick’s fingers itched to reach out and touch the unmoving form. Alfred held him back.

“I do not think he would appreciate it very much, Master Dick,” the butler said softly against a lump in his throat.

“Why didn’t he-“ Dick had to swallow around the pain in his chest, “Why didn’t he ever tell us?”

It hurt badly. To know that Jason, his Little Wing, was alive and that he hadn’t ever tried to tell them. Why wouldn’t he want to tell them? Didn’t he want to come home?

“We should-“ Alfred cleared his throat “let him rest.”

Dick didn’t agree. Well, he did, kind of. But there were questions that he needed to ask and he ached to ask them. A firm hand on his shoulder led him back out of the room.

“When- when he wakes up- I need- _we_ need to make sure he doesn’t bolt,” because that was such a Jason thing to do and Dick already saw it coming. He just needed- he needed to talk to Jason.

Alfred refused to answer. Dick suspected the butler was more shaken than he let on. He himself wasn’t sure what to do now. Maybe they should call Bruce. But he dismissed the thought, seeing as Red Hood seemed to despise the man if his attempts to kill him on sight were anything to go by. Dick marvelled at the thought of Jason, not Red Hood, but Jason, wanting Bruce dead. He couldn’t wrap his mind around any of it.

He had thought Jason was dead.

The Joker had killed him. They knew that, had searched for Jason wherever they could think of. Nothing had come of it.

Bruce had sworn he had seen Jason die.

_And yet…_

_  
_And yet it had been so clearly Jason lying there that it hurt to look.

Dick couldn’t wait to talk to him, even after Alfred’s advice. There was just no way he would let this opportunity go unused. He monitored Jason closely, watching until he was sure the other was awake. After psyching himself up and forcing the lump in his throat back down, he entered the room.

Jason must have known something was up, because he didn’t make a move to cover his face when Dick stepped inside. His back was turned to the door but the rigidness of his shoulders told Dick that Jason knew he was there. Silence stretched between them. And then, Dick, never really one to beat around the bush, couldn’t help himself and blurted out, against all his better intentions:

“Jay- why didn’t you tell me?”

The tremble that went through Jason was nothing short of spectacular. Dick had to actively stop himself from reaching out.

“I thought, you knew…” it was said without the usual heat, almost as if Jason was tired of talking. Dick hurt for him.

“How was I supposed to-“ it dawned on him then. Rage like he seldomly had felt it before hit him deep in the core.

“Bruce.” Jason nodded but it was a stiff motion. Dick couldn’t blame him for it.

“Still, you could have said something.” It was evidently the wrong thing to say because Jason exploded.

“Why is it always- fucking _always_!- my damn fault huh?” Jason was perfectly aware that this was getting out of control, that he was yelling at someone who wasn’t to blame. But he didn’t care.

He just wanted to go back, for this endless cycle of guilt and blame and fucking anger to stop so that he could finally think clearly again.

“It’s not- I didn’t mean-“

“Shut up! Fucking shut your mouth for once in your life!”

“Master Jason,” a voice interrupted the rage Jason had worked himself up to. The man whipped around before thinking it through, so caught up in the memory that Alfred’s voice had triggered.

And that’s when Dick and Alfred saw why Red Hood had kept that helmet on like it was a lifeline.

“Jay-“ Dick’s throat felt sore with pain, his chest clenched at the sight in front of him. There were many things to notice about this new Jason- the light streak of hair sticking up from his head, the bulk in his shoulders, even his height- but it was not those things that caused both Dick and Alfred to step back.

It was the scar on Jason’s cheek, a deeper skin tone than the rest of him, almost like a contrast to the paleness and freckles that was one Jason Todd.

Dick felt like vomiting when his brain made the connection. The scar had an unusual curve to it- the unruly form of the letter J.

“What?”

But neither of them could answer, eyes transfixed on Jason’s cheek where evidence of all his torment was so visible they wished to unsee it. Jason realised then what they were staring at and quickly turned back around. He mumbled something Dick couldn’t make out.

Dick caught the tail-end of the sentence: “Not like it was a walk in the park…”

“Jay-“

“What, Grayson?” Jason whirled around, all righteous fury and barely disguised rage in his body language, but his eyes told a different story. They were haunted with something green and Dick thought, for just a second, that he could see the Joker laughing at them.

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry,” because someone needed to say it, damn it. Dick should have said it a long time ago. The younger didn’t seem to know what to do with the statement but the anger in his posture slowly trickled out.

Dick was still thinking of what to do when Alfred approached Jason with a determined bounce in his step. Without another word, the butler had flung his arms around the boy and had pulled him into a hug. Dick purposely turned his back, wanting to grant Jason even a hint of privacy.

He went after Bruce instead, kicking down the door to his office with his bare foot. He barely winced upon impact.

“You knew who he was! You knew and you let us go against him anyway! We thought he was dead, for fuck’s sake!”

“Richard, what-“

“No! I’m not done!” he wasn’t interested in excuses. Jason deserved better. Hell, Alfred deserved better.

“We thought he was dead and you knew he wasn’t! You let him run around on his own like a fucking criminal when all he would have needed was support! You don’t get to do this! I don’t care if you thought he was dangerous or whatever the hell you reason was. And I really hope you have a good one because I want an explanation, damn it! First, you don’t even tell me, he died and then you don’t tell me that he came back! What the hell is wrong with you? Does we really mean that little to you?”

“Will you let me answer?”

“Yes!”

“He isn’t the same Jason anymore. You know how he operates. I couldn’t let that-“

“Bullshit! You could have helped him-“

“He didn’t want my help!”

“You should have tried either way! He’s your son!”

“He’s damaged!”

“Damaged doesn’t mean broken!”

Silence followed that statement. Bruce did look chastised but Dick knew better than to think he’d gotten through to him.

“Do you even know that he almost died again tonight? What that sick bastard did to him before he blew him up?”

Something in Bruce’s manner changed when Dick brought up their old nemesis. Some wounds never truly healed, but he figured that Jason’s hadn’t even started to. So, if bringing it up to Bruce hurt the old man, then he would just have to deal with it, considering that Jason was confronted with that baggage every day.

“If you are talking about the crowbar-“

“No! Fuck, no! I’m not talking about the damn crowbar!”

“And if you talk about anything else, I will personally hunt you down and skin your legs so that you will never touch the ground again, Grayson!” Jason’s voice behind him was hard enough to cut stone.

Dick immediately shrunk back, not because he was scared- it was Jason, there was nothing to be scared of- but because he sensed the hurt radiating from the younger man. It hadn’t been his intention to expose him like this.

“Jason.”

“Bruce.”

“Are you-“

“Don’t even try, Bats. It’s none of your business and I’ll be out of your hair in a second!” Jason forcefully spat out before turning around and leaving. Dick sprinted after him, just short of holding him back by the shoulder.

“Jay-“

“Save it!” And with that, the younger man made his exit, without giving Dick a chance to right even one of the wrongs done to him.

* * *

It was supposed to be an empty warehouse but the shot that had rung through him not a minute before, told him otherwise. He twisted to get a good look of the situation before running in and what he saw made his blood boil. The demon spawn was backed against a wall, swords at the ready but no Bat in sight. Jason would have hit Bruce if he had the chance. Then another shot went off and Damian’s face took on an expression of horrified confusion. Blood immediately started to leak from his chest.

Jason cursed.

Nobody shot Robin but himself. He didn’t have time to think about the implication of that statement before flinging himself down with more bravado than he felt like at the moment. To his credit, the mini-Bruce didn’t so much as blink at his appearance, simply stepped aside to make space for him.

“You okay, kiddo?” Damian nodded, and the kid was an excellent liar, Jason had to give him that, but the telltale signs were blaring loudly and clearly at him. The paleness of his face, the wobble in his stance, the grunts of pain. The kid was not doing good and trying desperately to hide it.

“Hey you!” Jason yelled at the guy with the gun.

“You’re in my district. There is no shooting bats outside of hunting season!” His humour wasn’t appreciated.

“Red Hood,” the man greeted him with a shot to the shoulder that surprised Jason enough not to move out of the way. It seemed he had made a slight miscalculation.

The guy obviously wasn’t a clueless goon.

Before Jason had a chance to reply, the man stormed forward and fired at the same time. Jason pushed Damian behind him, shielding him with his body, praying that the armour would do its job. The guy was close enough for Jason to do something besides stand there uselessly, so he did. The second his fist hit the guy on the head, he went down, eyes rolled back until only white was visible.

Okay, Jason was officially confused. The guy was a walking contradiction. He didn’t have time to ponder, though, seeing as Damian barely held himself upright. So, he did the sensible thing and shoved the mini-demon out of the door, advising him to activate one of the bat’s tracking signals.

It should have ticked him off when the boy did what he said without objection. That was when he felt the blade pierce the skin of his back.

Damian’s war cry reached his ears and he whipped around to tear the goon a new one when he noticed the object he had in hand.

Jason’s world narrowed in to the long metal crowbar.

_Not again.  
_

_Please not again. _

He was too slow to react. The first hit had him fall to his knees, clutching his shoulder and trying to roll away when the guy drew back a second time. Somewhere in his peripheral he noticed Damian staring.

He made a motion with his hand that should have signalled for Damian to get the fuck out, but the boy remained where he was. Jason couldn’t concentrate on him any longer, barely even saw him sink to his knees too.

The metal connected with his shins, his chest, his jaw. Teeth broke in his mouth, blood layered his tongue. He was caught in an endless loop of hits, two images merging in his head.

Not real.

_It’s a nightmare. _

_It had to be a nightmare._

_You’re home. You’re dreaming. _

** _Wake up!  
_ **

He felt the next hit like never before, making it obvious to him that he was not dreaming. Tears collected in his eyes. He was ashamed to let them fall.

Just when he thought that the mad grin on the guy’s lips, that switched to blood red paint on bleached skin in between hits, was the last thing he would ever see, the guy opened his mouth and said:

“Tell the Bats, the Joker says hello.”

Something in Jason reacted without him making a conscious decision. He heard the shot before he registered that it had come from his gun and watched in slow-motion as the guy fell over, a hole in his head where the eye was supposed to be.

Exhaustion took over the second his body realised that he was not being tortured anymore.

Jason felt more than heard someone rush in and hoist him up.

“You’re an idiot, Todd.” The replacement helped Jason to the batmobile. Damian and Bruce were already on the way to the mansion to rush the younger to the surgery.

“How badly are you hurt?” Jason didn’t allow himself to cave and stared stoically through the window. He had had worse, he tried to tell himself. It didn’t work as well as he would have liked.

Tim didn’t say anything else but he helped him all the way inside, making sure to take as much of Jason’s weight as he could.

The Bat was on him in an instant once he entered the cave. Jason had prepared himself for it. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

“I didn’t do anything to him!” He felt stupid for even having to say it and even more so when it became clear that the Bat didn’t believe him. Anger swept over him with a potent wave and Jason had to breathe in deeply to control himself from snapping.

“Then why were you there? Are you trying to tell me you ran into him by chance?”

“No! I’m telling you that I was trailing a drug cartel and heard the shot!”

“So, you wanted to help him, am I hearing this right?”

“Yes! Yes, _fuck_, I wanted to help him because that guy was obviously going batshit on him and he’s just a fucking kid, Bruce!”

“He’s a trained assassin!”

“He’s twelve years old!”

“He would have never let you help him!” Jason snorted at that. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, considering how he saw Bruce clenching his teeth.

“He wasn’t in any condition not to! I came in and he was already down!”

“Then why don’t I believe you?”

“Because you never believe me!” Not even as Robin. There had always been an underlaying layer of suspicion between them. Jason knew he hadn’t been completely innocent on that front either, but he would die again before admitting that.

“You tried to kill them before! Tim, Damian, me. Even Dick!” It was a low blow in Jason’s eyes. Of course, he had tried to kill them. What else had he been supposed to do when faced with his replacement and a mini-Bruce? Dick, though, had been a different story and bringing him into this didn’t score Bruce any points in Jason’s book.

“I haven’t done that in a long time and you know it-“

“Then how come he’s in surgery right now?” Jason bit back the sarcastic retort on his tongue.

Bruce roared at him, fury blazing in his eyes: “Tell me, Jason!”

“Because I was too late to help! The guy had already shot him!” And he hated admitting to his failure. The one time he had actively tried to save the shortstack and he hadn’t been good enough. All of that internal monologue was washed away though with Bruce’s next words.

“Convenient, isn’t it!”

It was the final straw. His carefully built control snapped like a twig and he shoved Bruce back.

“_Fuck you_! Fuck you and your morals and your code and your stupid ideals! I don’t give a damn! I’ve played by your rules and you still don’t trust me!”

“How can I trust you when your body count rises within the hour? And now my son is in surgery because you got pissed off and lost control! That’s always your problem, Jay! You never control your temper! And now it’s controlling you instead!”

“I didn’t touch a hair on your precious boy!” Because he felt like that needed to be said again so that even someone as slow as the Bat would underst-

“Don’t lie to me!”

He went cold all over, freezing even, blinked stupidly into the room. Bruce face remained a hard mask, blue fire staring at him. Jason breathed in then, against a barricade in his throat and swallowed around the pain it cost him to keep standing there and not run. His eyes burned behind the mask and he was silently thankful he hadn’t taken off the helmet.

The words echoed in his brain like they were on a loop, making him dizzy. His rage had simmered down at this point, to something more akin to numbness. It spread from his chest to his arms and even the bruises on his back stopped hurting.

“You’re right,” he said after what felt like eternity, voice barely above a whisper, eyes glassy. Bruce eyes widened almost comically and Jason would have laughed if he didn’t hurt all over.

_That’s what you get for your trouble_, that ugly voice in his head snarled.

“It was me. I missed my first shot at him. So, I made up the story,” he paused to watch his words sink in. When they did, he was flung against the wall hard enough that his shoulder cracked upon impact. A hand pressed against his throat, tight enough for him to struggle to breathe.

“You were right all along. I loved putting a bullet into him and watch him writhe on the floor like the little rat he is!”

Bruce stared at him for the short span of a second. Then he drew back. His fist connected with Jason’s helmet hard enough for it to shatter. Jason’s head sagged against the wall. He saw stars, black spots and white lines dance across his field of vision. A maniac laughter erupted from his throat.

“Guess the pit did mess me up real good, eh Bruce? But then again, you never thought I was worth being Robin, being your son anyway, huh?” He couldn’t make out the expression on Batman’s face but he didn’t need to when the inevitable answer came.

“You’re not my son. He died in that pit.”

Jason’s brain vaguely registered that Bruce had turned around to leave. He couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore.

* * *

When he woke up, Dick was hovering over him with a look of so much pain in his eyes that Jason felt the need to vomit. Instead, he rolled his eyes and shoved until Dick backed up.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He didn’t get an answer. Suddenly, he felt a bit suffocated by Dick’s presence.

“Get out!”

“Are you alright? You took a lot tonight…” Jason couldn’t let himself think that Goldie cared. That would only hurt him in the long run and it was pointless anyway.

“Peachy keen.” He cringed when his shoulder twisted the wrong way.

“Let me help-“

“I don’t need your help!” Seriously, what was wrong with the guy? Couldn’t he take a goddamn hint?

“Little Wing…”

“Don’t-“ because the use of the name set him back to somewhere he couldn’t afford to go. Not if he wanted to keep the lid on his anger as tightly controlled as he had.

“Call me, if you need to,” Dick’s hand brushed against. Jason felt himself tremble violently before the door even closed behind Dick. He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood just to keep himself from falling apart at the seams.

He needed Dick to stay away from him.

* * *

The call came not two days later. Jason contemplated his life choices for a hot minute before answering. He wouldn’t have, though, if it had been anyone else but Nightwing showing up on the caller-ID.

Maybe the replacement, if Jason was feeling generous. He didn’t know when Tim had become someone he could tolerate, but it had happened and there was nothing Jason could do now to change it. That the replacement had helped him without a teasing word had earned him a few bonus points too.

“Bruce wants you to come in,” Dick sounded more apologetic than Jason had ever heard him. It made him contemplate, even though he really didn’t like the idea.

“Why? Has the demon-spawn finally cleared me of suspicion?” Must have been the reason. Otherwise there was no way in hell B would even suggest he’d show his face.

“Not the words I’d have chosen but I guess it sums it up well enough,” Jason could practically hear Dick roll his eyes on the other end of the phone. Still, things must be pretty bad if he didn’t even bother scolding Jason for calling his beloved brother by anything but his name.

“What does he want with me then?” Because if he knew one thing about the Bats, it was that an apology for almost sending Jason back six feet under, was not bloody likely. Even if Jason had been right and Bruce had been wrong.

“You remember anything about what happened after you got hit?”

Screw Dick and his observant nature. Because of course the shithead would have picked up on his injuries even when the Bat hadn’t. He should have known that having Dick bring him home that night would have ended in embarrassment. He had prayed that Dick would think the hit to the head had brought him down and not the bruises still sprayed across his body from the fucking-

“Look,” Dick breathed in as if this whole ordeal was going on his nerves just as much as it did on Jason’s

“He knows it was your bullet. It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together,” apparently it didn’t because otherwise how would Dick have figured it out? Jason allowed himself a moment to berate the idiot, even if it was just in his own head.

“So, now what? He wants to interrogate me? Like he didn’t do enough of that last time?” The flinch that must have gone through Dick at the memory of the state Jason had been in when he had found him.

“Can’t you just-“ a sigh “I’m not saying what he did was okay or that you should put up with it. Just- maybe explain what happened.”

“What’s there to explain? The guy went after the mini-demon, I stepped in.”

“You haven’t done that for a while, Jay.”

“So, what? Is a guy not allowed to change his M.O. every now and then?”

“That’s a bit more than changing your M.O., though, don’t you think?”

“It doesn’t matter. He won’t believe me anyway…”

“It matters to me.” Jason’s heart did not clench painfully at the words. As if it was that simple.

“I don’t owe you an explanation-“

“I never said you did.”

“Just so we’re clear.

“Crystal.” And he just knew that Grayson was smirking down the line. He just knew. _Damn it._

“He got me real good. Kept talking about-“ why did the name still make his bones shake?

“About?” Dick asked, like a gentle reminder.

“About him- you know- the- the…” He couldn’t say the name. Fuck.

“Okay…” Miraculously, Dick seemed to understand even without a full sentence to go from. Jason was silently grateful.

“I couldn’t listen to him talk anymore. Damian was unconscious in the corner and he aimed at him again. I just- I just shot without thinking,” he didn’t even have the energy to think of an insulting nickname for the mini-Bruce. His strength was leaving him rapidly. His fingers curled around the edge of the counter, seeking stability.

“Why don’t you just tell-“

“Don’t you think I tried?” The thunder was back in his voice.

“Sorry.” Dick sounded sheepish. _Good_, the voice in Jason’s head snarled, let him feel stupid for even suggesting the Bat would listen.

“I can talk to him, if you want.”

“He’d just call you naïve.” Apparently, Dick didn’t have anything to say to that.

“So, what do you wanna do?” But Jason had already decided. He was sick of this spiel.

* * *

He didn’t why he was surprised when Bruce didn’t even greet him when he entered the batcave. The second, he stepped inside, Bruce was all over him, yelling at him about killing the guy that had shot precious Damian.

As if he hadn’t deserved it.

Jason turned heel and was almost back out of the door, when a hand gripped his neck tightly.

Bruce flung him against the wall so hard, stars exploded behind his closed eyelids. It was oddly like a deja-vu. Dick, the idiot, tried to pry Bruce off him but was quickly shoved aside. Jason felt something poke at the height of his ribs but didn’t have time to pay attention before being questioned, or interrogated more likely. To be fair, though, he had tried to make a run for it. So, to make him stay, Bruce was kind of forced to pin him there, he could admit that.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t beyond pissed off.

“So, what? He’s dead. Good riddance, if you ask me!” It was obvious that Bruce knew it had been Jason’s bullet, even if Dick hadn’t given him the heads up.

_God_, he was so, so sick of having to explain himself.

“You killed him?” Even though it was phrased like a question, everyone in the room knew it wasn’t one.

“Again: so, what? He was gonna shoot us, he already shot the demon spawn. What was I supposed to do? Stand by and fucking watch?”

“Not shoot him in the head for one thing!” Jason huffed. It didn’t matter what he did, Bruce would always find something to criticise. He knew that and it still hurt.

“I didn’t have a clear shot as it was! I needed to act! There wasn’t any time-“ He also hated having to defend himself. As if he wasn’t Red Hood, crime lord of Gotham city.

“Don’t play that game with me, Jason! You’re an excellent shot!” Any other day, this would have been a compliment. But Jason knew nothing the Bat ever said to him would be anything but an insult.

“I tried-“

“No! You killed him!” He was shoved back once again. This time inside him, something fragile definitely snapped. He could feel something was wrong, immediately upon hitting the wall again. Bruce had put some force into it, that was for sure, and Jason’s body had had enough. Jason tried to breathe steadily but it came out rather wet. This was not good.

“Father-“

“Not now, Damian!”

“Father, I demand, you listen to him!”

“Why?”

“Because he saved me. Todd saved me.” Jason was not thankful for the kid’s loud mouth. He had it under control. There was no need for him to get involved.

“What?” He would have laughed, he would have, but his everything kind of hurt and he didn’t want to interrupt that precious father-son moment.

“I- it was not my fault. I-“ but he halted, ears red. And Jason knew that look on his face, and found himself sympathetic.

“Got the jump on him. I swung by ‘cause I heard some commotion, came to check out what was going on. He was already shot when I got in, bleeding everywhere and the guy was just hovering there, watching. Hit him over the head and thought that’d be it. Shoved the demon out of the door but the guy stabbed me in the back. I wasn’t-“ he paused, not comfortable with admitting weakness.

His throat threatened to clog up.

He swallowed down the wetness in it, trying desperately to keep it out of his voice. If he could just make it to his safehouse, or even out of the cave and he’d be fine. Clenching his teeth, he carried on talking.

“Was slow to turn around and he brought out the heavy stuff.” He grimaced at the memory, images of green hair flashing dangerously close to the surface.

“The heavy stuff.”

“Came at me,” Jason ground out, breath stuttering in between words, pretending with all his might that it was just the fear in him talking.

“Came at you with what?” Bruce shouldn’t be that dense, Jason thought. Detective, my ass. If the criminals knew how slow the Bat was on the uptake sometimes-

“With a cr-“ He choked, couldn’t say it out loud and cursed himself for being that weak. It was just a word, damnit, just a word.

Come on!

_Say it!_

He felt the spawn’s eyes on him, a raised eyebrow communicating that his breakdown did not go unnoticed. Jason cursed.  
“Crow-“ a cough, “crowbar!” He finally ground out. He refused to acknowledge the break in his voice.

The look on the Bat’s face darkened instantly, his grip on Jason’s jacket loosening ever so slightly. Jason’s head was still a bit too light to feel normal, his breath stuck in his lungs and refusing to come out.

“You mean to tell me that- that when we last talked, you were-“ he made a grand gesture to Jason’s upper body “you were injured?“  
And that was when the realisation finally dropped. The air in the room thickened noticeably. The mini-Bruce still stared with that raised brow but it was no longer directed at Jason.

“Father-“

“Jason-“

They spoke at the same time, each holding a sentiment of something Jason wasn’t ready to hear. He twisted away from Bruce, bodily shoving him back. The element of surprise was on his side.

The Bat let go. Jason stumbled to the side, breathing in as deeply as his lungs would allow. Apparently, he quickly noticed, that was not much.

Strong hands caught him before he crashed to the floor. His windpipe made a wheezing sound whenever he gasped.

“Jay-“ This time, it was Dick addressing him, the other two presumably still engaged in a silent staring match.

“Punctured-“ he coughed. Blood sprayed out of his mouth.

Fuck.

“Lung. Punctured lung,” he barely got out what he was trying to say, his lips forming the words when his voice gave up on him. Dick, though, always the mother-hen, had caught it. Jason saw his eyes widen a fraction. Time slowed for a moment. Then Dick was on him, heaving him towards the medical room. Jason could barely walk until he was grabbed roughly under his thighs and lifted.

His vision became dizzy and he barked at Dick to let him go, when the asshole piped up from beside him.

“Stay still, Jay!”

If it wasn’t Dick carrying him, then who-

_Aw shit! _

Jason twisted a bit until he was face to face with Bruce’s mask of indifference while he carried him up the stairs.

His instinct kicked in almost immediately, _violently_. He hit whatever part he could reach of the man holding him almost gently against his chest. And Jason couldn’t take it. Moving hurt like hell but he still lashed out, struggling as best as he could.

“Let me go, fuck!” It came out broken, wrong, even to his own ears. His lungs were screaming at him to stop. He couldn’t- couldn’t deal with this.

_Too much!_

Still, even being held against his will by the one person it broke his damn heart to look at, something stirred in his clouded mind that he needed to say before it was too late.

“Tell the Bats, Joker says hello,” he didn’t know where he got the strength to rasp out what the creep had said to him, but he managed just fine. Bruce halted in his steps, his hands clenching against Jason’s side.

“’sss wha’ he ssssaid…” Jason mumbled, consciousness rapidly narrowing down to a flicker of blue at his side. He clung to that without knowing why.

His lights went out like a fist to the head.

* * *

Dick had only reluctantly moved from Damian’s side but when Jason had come in, wincing with every step, he had looked up. Bruce’s reaction to him had been less than desirable, especially considering how badly Jason was hurt. As predicted, after a short spat where Bruce finally caught onto what Jason had been trying to say all along, the latter collapsed in Dick’s arms. Apparently, the Bat had managed to break a rib while shoving Jason against the wall.

“He was telling the truth, father,” Damian of all people jumped in to defend Jason.

“When the man brought out the crowbar, Todd froze. He shot him only after the man said his piece about the Joker. I don’t think he deliberately killed him. He was in no state to aim. I’m surprised, he even managed to hit the man.”

Dick’s insides clenched painfully. Of all of them, why did Jason have to be the one?

Bruce, for the first time since Dick knew him, looked really stricken. He reached out, almost unconsciously, to pat Jason’s hair. Dick was reminded of how small Jason had looked cradled in Bruce’s arms.

“This was not a coincidence,” Damian continued “this man was there because someone ordered him to. He knew who Red Hood was the second he came to my rescue. He must have known of Todd’s-“ he paused as if unsure how to phrase his next words “untimely demise.”

Bruce only nodded absentmindedly.

“Why didn’t he tell me he was hurt…” he murmured.

“Would you have listened?” Tim blurted out without really meaning to. Dick turned to his younger brother with a raised brow.

“No, seriously. You didn’t even let him say his piece. And while I do understand how mad you were, you never should have hit him.” With that, Tim left the room as if that was all that needed to be said.

“I hate to agree with Drake, father,” Damian’s eyes fluttered close, exhaustion after such commotion taking its toll.

“What do I do?”

“Apologise. When he wakes up.” Dick leaned in close, touching Jason’s cheek. The younger man mumbled something in his sleep.

“Is that what you meant?” Bruce suddenly asked, fingers tracing the J.

“Yes.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I figured.”

“I’ve never seen him without the helmet or his domino since he came back.” Bruce’s voice was close to breaking. Dick couldn’t even contemplate the level of guilt his adoptive father must have been feeling in that moment.

“I never meant to hurt him.”

“Maybe you should tell him that…”

Maybe they should have all told him that a long time ago. Maybe then this wouldn’t have happened. Maybe then, Jason wouldn’t be alone.

“He just makes it so hard for me sometimes…”

“I know…”

* * *

Jason didn’t remember much from that day. He had fled from the cave as soon as Alfred had allowed it, with the wish never to return. Bruce had not been to see him all of the two days and Jason figured it was because he didn’t know what to say.

_Good._

He didn’t want to talk to the Bat anyway. He rummaged through his fridge when his phone beeped. The caller-ID showed what he had suspected and he answered reluctantly.

“What can I help you with today, Dickface?” The slight sarcasm in his voice was in not deliberate, obviously.

But Dick didn’t take the bait. Instead, he demanded Jason come over right this second. Jason contemplated refusing but something in the way Dick had said it, made him pause. He was out of the door before thinking twice about it. He reached the cave in record time, asking out of breath why he was being summoned like this. The answer made him stumble.

Dick pointed towards one of the large monitors that Bruce had installed in the batcave long ago. Jason barely had time to complain about the absence of the nerd and how they wouldn’t be able to operate without him, when the video started.

A man came into view, with green hair and pale skin and a smile so gruesome, it made Jason’s heart skip a beat. The man spoke to someone off-screen, while a white noise filled Jason’s ears.

“See, little bird. I thought, I cut your wings for good. But then, you decided to come back like a bad little bat and now I have to punish you. But let’s get to the fun part, shall we? Let me introduce you to my newest toy. Birdie, say hello to your family.”

Jason’s blood ran cold when a familiar emblem on the boy’s chest caught his eye.

Even before the man looked straight into the camera, blood colouring the left side of his domino, Jason had already realised:

  
_“Tim…”_


	2. Say it with a smile!

** _"What's the matter? Afraid of temptation?"_ **

_Dick understood anger, maybe more so than the average person. It was better than the constant pain, the hurt, the grief, all that suffering that came with the cape. When it flooded the mind like one of Ivy’s poisons and he struggled to push it back down, anger was the outlet. _

_Watching the Red Hood go on a rampage through the city, burning whoever dared cross his path, made sense to him. Not that he would ever admit that, or condone it, not even with a gun pointed to his head. _

_But deep down, he understood._

_And didn’t that make him the ultimate hypocrite._

* * *

He watched the expression on Jason’s face shift from annoyance to incredulity to shock and then to full-blown panic. It was the last one that triggered Dick the most. He hated bringing Jason back into this, confronting him so directly with his past, but they had to.

Bruce had said it himself as soon as they had gotten the message: they needed all of them. Especially considering that the Joker- if it really was him- had seemingly addressed Jason and not Tim in the video. It had taken them a while to put it together. They were right, though.

The message was directed at Jason, a reminder that the Joker knew he was alive and that he planned on changing that. Dick’s spine instantly straightened when the threat rang through him with sudden clarity. Damian had been correct in assuming the attack on him had not been coincidence.

While they could, in no way, have predicted Jason jumping in to help, they knew who he was and, more importantly, who he had been.

That crossed quite a few subjects of their list of potential imposters. Dick hated to even entertain the idea, but all hints pointed towards the real Clown of Gotham.  
Apparently, Jason had reached that conclusion too. His face had turned a sickly colour and he excused himself with such politeness that even Bruce looked up from where he had been studying the video.

“Todd-“ Damian had spoken up from god knew where. Dick barely had time to ask himself why, before Jason stumbled towards the bathroom, breathing heavily.

“Gimme a sec, kiddo…”

Dick noticed Bruce’s fingers gripping the mouse tight enough for his knuckles to turn white. He couldn’t decide whether it was out of concern for Tim or for Jason in that moment.

They waited until Jason joined them before re-watching the video, for a clue, a hint as to where Tim was being held.

“How-“ Jason cleared his throat “How’d they get him?”

“He was on patrol.”

“Alone?”

Bruce’s jaw did the thing where Dick knew he was upset and trying not to show it.

“Yes,” he ground out.

The shot Dick anticipated from Jason never came. Instead, he stared at the screen with something in his eyes Dick had only ever seen in passing. It was blank fear, stripped of everything Jason had worked so hard to set up, as if he was caught re-living a memory that no one else could understand. Dick felt a sudden urge of protectiveness rush through him, the wish to turn Jason’s face away and not make him look any longer. 

_“Fuck!”_

The curse startled all three of them. Jason drew back and hit the desk so hard that he mug Bruce had been drinking from fell to the floor and shattered.

“Todd-“ Once again, Damian piped up. Dick was about to intervene, almost feeling the rage gathering around Jason like a protective veil- but then Damian reached out in an uncharacteristically gentle manner and directed Jason’s focus to him.

“You need to calm yourself.”

This situation could go south very quickly, Dick realised. But he was willing to let it play out. Call it a gut feeling, but something Damian was doing got to Jason in a way neither Bruce nor Dick could.

“I realise how this must be for you. But Drake is in danger and we need you to help us get to him before it’s too late.”

For the span of a minute time slowed to the tick of the clock behind them. Then Jason visibly shook something off and his eyes focused again, that glassy look had vanished. Telling, Dick thought, how even though Damian didn’t get along well with Tim, in times of danger, he would do his best to help him.

Even if it meant dealing with Jason.

A smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

“What do we have?” Jason jumped right into action as if nothing was wrong. Bruce took a tad too long to answer but then it was back to business as usual.

* * *

Oracle tracked the video feed to an IP-address that ran under jjclown19 and all of them groaned respectively. In Jason’s head though, about three separate alarm bells went off. This was too easy. Everyone with half a brain could have come up with that.

Like a joke, he thought and felt his insides freeze over when that laugh rang in his ears.

He had to get a grip. Seriously, if they wanted to get Tim out, he needed to have a clear head. It was just- this just hit a little too close to home.

Jason heard voices talking but had zoned out a long time ago. What would they find when they got there? Tim might not even be alive anymore. Time was crucial, Jason was well aware.

What if the guy had already killed the kid? He refused to call him what he posed as even in his own head, out of spite or fear he wasn’t sure.

“Jay?” Dick cut through the haze that Jason was in by touching his arm. Jason leaned out of his reach, saw Dick’s face turn a little sad, and cursed himself for being unable to deal with physical contact beyond combat.

“Hm?”

“What do you think?” He shrugged, a little sheepish for not having paid attention, prepared himself or B’s scolding tone. When no one chastised him, he dared looking at the monitor again where a location was pinned on a map. He stepped closer to assess the information.

“Let’s give it a shot.” If there was a slim chance the replacement was there, Jason would use it.

Once again, he didn’t want to justify his reasoning. The kid had wormed his way into Jason’s heart silently like the nerd he was and Jason didn’t have it in him to fight it anymore. Not now at least.

_Sue him._

* * *

They suited up, B and Damian in one room and Dick and Jason in the other, Jason’s request, of course. The actual words may or may not have been:

“No way I’m gonna get naked in front of you, Bruce.”

Bruce had rolled his eyes, but in a good-natured sort of way. Dick then had proceeded to pull Jason into another room, two suits in hand. Jason was about to protest when a black suit was shoved into his hands unceremoniously.

“Take it.”

“I’m not wearing a Bat suit.” Jason said with finality. Futile, it seemed since Dick wasn’t above ripping his shirt off his torso and pulling the top of the suit over his head. Jason tried his best to be uncooperative but Dick, while slender as always, was surprisingly strong.

“Fucker,” Jason cursed heartily but without any heat. Dick just grinned at his handiwork that was getting Jason halfway into a suit.

“Why am I being tortured like this?”

“I’m not letting you go in there without armour. Which your leather jacket, as good as it looks on you, does not have.”

Jason was stunned after that statement. Not only had Dick easily admitted that he worried about Jason, he also had complimented his looks. Since Jason didn’t know what to with any of that, he huffed, ears burning, and turned away. He told himself it was because he loathed watching Dick strip down to virtually nothing.

Dick though, smug bastard that he was, sauntered across the room so that Jason had no choice but to look. Damn the tabloids, Jason grumbled, they had been golden about Dick’s butt. It was a rather nice one.

He realised at once what he was doing and who precisely he was ogling and snapped his eyes up to the ceiling immediately. Unfortunately, that didn’t mean he could unsee the image of those mouth-watering chee-

_Nope!  
_

Instead of acknowledging the awkwardness of the situation, and risking Dick finding out just where his gaze had strayed to, he shoved a domino at Dick and said:

“Oi, no one needs to see that!”

“I can give you a list of people who would strongly disagree,” Dick singsonged. At that Jason rolled his eyes. It quickly became his default expression whenever a Bat was concerned.

He managed to squeeze himself into the suit, which was a menace in and of its own if you asked him and walked over to the mirror to look at himself. Wearing one of Bruce’s suits felt like the old days and a new beginning all at the same time. Under that though, the fear of having committed to something he wasn’t ready for, made his flight instinct kick in. He willed his body to calm down.

“You look-“ Dick piped up behind him, stepping closer until his chest touched Jason’s back. Jason was too startled by the sight that greeted him to react to the sudden proximity.

“It fits you…” Dick tried again. Jason thought he had detected a gravel in Dick’s voice that hadn’t been there before. His fingers traced the red lines of the bat combined with his own sigil absentmindedly. It was a strange way of merging, like his past and his presence combined in one.

The rest of the suit fit him perfectly, covering his body like a second skin and yet giving him enough room to breathe. He didn’t know if wearing it would give up some common ground he had worked so hard to recover.

Deep inside, under those endless layers and layers of guilt and blood and fear, he wasn’t sure, he deserved to wear the bat symbol any more.

* * *

When did Jason grow all that muscle?

_Damn. _

Dick felt small behind him, watching over his shoulder as Jason drew circles around the bat symbol now decorating his chest in an attractive red.

He had counted it as a success when Jason had only struggled half-heartedly to avoid wearing the suit Dick had presented him with. It had been a hassle getting him into it, but the result clearly justified all means necessary.

Dick thought back fondly to when he had caught Bruce and Tim leaning over a board with a rough sketch of that very suit on display. They had been so flustered at having been caught. Dick had felt his heart swell at the memory.

In his mind, it was one step closer to getting Jason back to the family.

Bruce had admitted to thinking about the suit after Jason had collapsed the second time in as many days in the bat cave after Bruce had punctured a lung. Dick had been a bit sceptical at first, as to what B’s intentions were- a guilt trip wasn’t unlikely- but Bruce had stated, without making eye contact that he didn’t like the idea of Jason fighting crime in a leather jacket and t-shirt.

Now, seeing Jason decked out in his own colours but with their shared symbol, Nightwing wore the bat too after all, Dick felt the sudden urge to reach out to him. Even if it was just to wipe that haunted look from Jason’s face.

“You look-“ he couldn’t help himself, fascinated by the way the suit clung to Jason’s biceps. Whenever Jason would reach towards the symbol, it would bulge in a way that left Dick quietly bothered.

Who knew Jason was hiding all that under the leather jacket?

* * *

What Jason outright refused was to ride in the Batmobile. He couldn’t. This was not going to happen no matter how much Dick pouted, Bruce scowled, Damian threatened and Alfred pleaded. And the butler had pleaded, like a goddamn puppy. But he had made his case and he was not giving another inch. Not about this.

He was faster going over the roofs anyway. And he needed to free his head for a little bit. Working that closely with the bats made his hackles rise more times than he could count and while, until now, they had all been civil, he wasn’t about to push his luck. Especially not, while the fate of a certain baby-bird hung in the balance.

He reached the warehouse Oracle had shown them on the map- recently bought by a silent party through a strawman that Jason had never seen before. He was not one of the Mafiosi or the drug cartel so a new big player had to be involved.

Jason also had it on pretty good authority that Harley and Ivy were currently vacationing on the Bahamas so if the clown operated with someone, it was likely not his old groupie. Jason was glad about that new development. While Harley was in no way off his list of suspects, he thought Ivy and her made for a cute couple without the Stockholm syndrome.

That didn’t mean the clown was actually behind this, Jason reasoned, _hoped_. He pointed his obstacles towards the entrance and saw two goons patrolling. Once again, this was too easy. The guy, whoever he was, had managed to capture a bat, he should not be this careless.

There had to be some back-up, some kind of security, maybe laying low right now and waiting to attack whoever came knocking. But Jason couldn’t spot anyone but those two idiots that were having a smoke outside the building as if Red Hood wasn’t lurking at their doorstep. Then again, they probably didn’t know that.

Once again, Jason felt like all of this was highly contradictory, just as the guy in the other warehouse had been. On the one hand, catching Tim couldn’t have been easy, considering how paranoid that kid got after two coffees.

Maybe he should talk to Bruce about this afterwards. On the other hand, sending a video with that particular ID was beyond stupid. It had taken Oracle a good five minutes to figure out the location where the replacement, allegedly was being held. Jason had come across idiots smarter than this. The Riddler, for example, wouldn’t even have sent the video.

Jason hated opponents that were unpredictable.

He also hated waiting. Over the comms, he heard the shortstuff complain about Bruce not going fast enough and Jason found himself agreeing. Which he would never say out loud, but whatever.

“Jason. What are we looking at?” Bruce’s bark was unmistakable and shook Jason out of the reverie he was in. He quickly transferred his info to the bats when Dick piped up.

“Something’s not right.”

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock!”

Jason’s nerves were on edge as it was and he really didn’t need Dick’s unnecessary commentary.

“Two minutes,” Bruce’s voice came over the comms. Jason stiffened almost on instinct.

He watched the batmobile pull up and the three bats jump out. The goons still didn’t react even though Jason was fairly positive they knew the cavalry had arrived.

“They know you’re here,” he warned the others, still keeping an eye on the entrance from where he was hidden on the roof.

Before he could jump down and take them out, though, Bruce ordered him firmly to

“Stay where you are.”

Jason spluttered “What?!?”

“Stay where you are! We need you as back-up.”

“Back-up?!?”

“Yes, Jason! Back-up!”

“But-“

He was cut off when he saw the goons fall into action. A heartfelt curse on his lips, he whipped out one of his guns and aimed. It turned out, the move had been completely unnecessary. The henchmen went down like bags of rice, allowing the bats to enter unharmed. Jason scoffed.

“All clear-“ Now Dick’s voice travelled through his ear. Jason wanted to call him out for not taking this seriously, when he heard the explosion go off. He was on his feet and in the building faster than should have been possible, Dick’s pained gasp making him see red.

“What’s happening?! Bruce?!?”

No answer.

_Damn it!  
_

He reached a corner; black smoke came from the hallway. The helmet shielded Jason’s lungs from the worst of it, but he couldn’t see clearly.

“Dick?” A pile to his right moved suspiciously. Upon closer inspection, a hand stuck out of it. A very familiar hand, clad in dark blue.

“You are a menace, you know that?” Jason breathed out a little relieved that Dick grinned up at him from where he was buried under bricks and dirt.

“Yep!” He popped the p obscenely.

_Idiot. _

“Where’s B and the demon spawn?”

Dick sobered up immediately, looking around the room as if expecting them to be there. He quickly realised they weren’t and his expression turned worried.

“They’re not answering their comms and I haven’t seen them on the way here…” Silence followed that statement.

“They were with you, right?”

“No. I- they went left-“ Jason realised Dick must have been deep in thought, so, he didn’t interrupt.

After what felt like half an hour, Dick pulled Jason forward by the arm.

“Let’s get Tim and then look for them.”

Far be it from Jason to argue with that. Bruce could take care of himself. If Damian was with him, they were alright. They had to be.

Not that he worried, mind you.

It was just for convenience reasons.

Dragging Bruce’s fuckton of weight out of here would be a fucking hassle.

* * *

That warehouse turned out to be more of a maze than Jason or Dick had anticipated. Against all hope, they hadn’t heard from either Bruce or the demon spawn and Dick had started fidgeting two minutes ago. It was one of his dead giveaways that let Jason know how high his anxiety level was spiking.

They reached the hundredth corner when Dick pulled Jason back harshly.

“Wha-“

“Shsh!”

Jason’s mouth snapped shut, his ears strained to listen. A muffled voice, somebody shifting.

Carefully, they peaked around the corner and Jason’s heart skipped a beat.

“Tim!”

Dick was over there before Jason could even react. It was a reckless thing to do. And they paid the price the second Dick’s foot touched something it really, really shouldn’t have.

“Shit!” How Dick could have been so stupid, Jason would spend the rest of his life wondering.

“Dick?” Tim’s eyes had opened while Dick was frantically trying to keep from flipping his shit. Standing on a bomb would do that to you. The soft call of his name though, made him stop and take in the wires Tim was wrapped in.

“What are you doing here? Fuck!” The kid worked himself up over seemingly nothing. Had he thought they’d leave him here or not come at all? What was Bruce doing to these kids he adopted?

He had fucked up with Jason but hadn’t he learned a goddamn thing since then?

“You can’t be here! Why are you here? Get out! He- _oh god_!”

Dick and Jason shared a look. Whatever Tim was freaking out about, it had nothing to do with his own situation and everything with their presence.

“We came to get you.”

“Who’s we?”

Alright, being bound to, what Jason highly suspected was another bomb, would maybe lead to a bit confusion and the concussion Tim likely had also did its best to stop his brain from working but he still should have seen Jason from where he was hanging in the air. It looked damn uncomfortable, like a grotesque piñata. 

“The bats all flew out here to get you, replacement!” Jason announced, fully aware that in any other situation that would have earned him a cuff on the head from Dick.

“You’re here too?”

Jason knew he didn’t have the right to be upset about how incredulous Tim sounded. He had given the boy more than enough reason to think he wanted him dead.

“Fuck!” Tim cursed.

The wires around his chest started heaving like he was having trouble breathing. Quick little gasps that Jason didn’t like in the slightest.

“Are you hurt?”

It was a redundant question, seeing as half Tim’s face was covered in blood and his suit was barely covering him anymore.

But the kid didn’t answer anyway, too busy rambling in a low voice as if he had shut them out.

Jason caught the shudders running through him, the way his fingers twitched by his sides.

“You shouldn’t be here. He’s gonna blow us all up. Fuck. You shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have come here. Damn it, Bruce.”

Dick tried, in vain, to reach out, but his footing didn’t allow for much movement.

“Tim?”

“He’s gonna blow it up. We’re gonna die. We’re all gonna die…”

He lifted his head and stared right at Jason. The haunted look, full of naked panic, chilled him to the bone.

It occurred to him then, that Tim knew something that they didn’t. And that it was something essential. 

“I need you to get your shit together, Baby-bird,” Jason barked at him. It had the desired effect.

“Don’t call me that!”

“Ah, it speaks.”

“Shut your face, Todd.”

“Tim- what did you mean, he’s gonna blow us all up? He’s not here anymore. We didn’t see him anywhere…” Dick sounded as clueless as ever. And that was exactly when it clicked.

Jason’s head shot up. This time, he and Tim engaged in a silent staring match.

Oh no.

Oh _hell_ no.

“That’s his plan…”

Because Jason had realised what Dick still hadn’t.

“Yes,” Tim confirmed in a gravelly voice “He wanted all of us here. Easy as pie, right? Get one bird and the rest will come on their own. That’s what he said. But I didn’t think…”

He tried to calm down, still visibly shaking in his bonds.

“I didn’t think it would work.”

“So, we’re just going to wait here for the explosion? How long do we have?”

“Three minutes? Half an hour? I don’t know, alright? I just know that the grenade Dick’s standing on is separate from mine. Also, there is a timestamp on when the door is walked through and since you triggered the first explosion, I don’t imagine we have long.”

Jason stepped away from the door cautiously.

“Any more of them or can Jason come over here?” Dick asked with something akin to determination on his face.

“I don’t think there are…” It was as good as he was going to get, so Jason quickly crossed the room.

“You can disable them, right? I know you can…” Dick urged him on but Jason saw the doubt in his eyes. It matched his own.

“Let’s see-“

“You can’t disable it without it blowing up.” Tim quipped up when Jason had opened one of the boxes caging Tim in. The box was a mess of wires, green, blue, red all in knots waiting to be untangled.

“I figured,” he murmured while tracing one of the blue cables to Tim’s shoulder.

“And you can’t cut the wires because-“

“I know.”

“And if you-“

“I said, I know, Tim!”

Jason would never admit it but there was a slight tremor in his hands and sweat had gathered under his helmet. Not gonna lie, seeing the baby-bird all bundled up like a turkey did concern him a little. Why that was the case, he didn’t want to dissect too much. He also refused to look at Dick. That would just make him panic and that in turn wouldn’t help anybody.

_“Jay?” _

Jason whipped around from where he was working on the wires. Dick had never sounded this close to giving up before. And he had heard Dick in all kinds of situations.

“I know you’re good. I know you are. But you can still get out. You don’t- if you’re not sure, I don’t want you to get blown up with us…”

Jason was stunned into silence, a weird feeling aching in his chest.

“So, what? I’m supposed to just walk out of here and not give a fuck?”

“No, just-“

“He’s right, you know? You don’t owe us anything…” Tim’s gaze had something steely in it that Jason had only ever seen Bruce execute like this before. It strengthened his resolve.

_“Shut up!”_ Without another word, he turned back to the wires.

There had to be a solution, there had to be.

* * *

The second Jason disable the first bomb, a sigh of relief escaping all three of them, a click came from his right.

A timer.

A goddamn timer, like a freaking cuckoo’s clock, had appeared where Dick was standing.

“Jason-“

“I’m working on it, Dickie,” sweat had gathered under his helmet, dripping into his eyes and blurring his sight. His heart beat violently in his chest.

Tim or Dick?

_Dick or Tim?_

If he stopped working on Tim’s wires, would another timer go off?

If he disabled them would Dick’s timer stop?

“Go. I can hold on a little longer,” Tim whispered it so quietly, Dick didn’t hear. But Jason did. He looked up, a question in his eyes.

“Help him. I’m fine.”

Jason raised a brow, a motion Tim should not have been able to see but he caught it anyway.

“I promise, I’m okay.”

“I’ll get back to you, Baby-bird. Thieves’ honour.” He crossed his fingers over his heart, feeling stupid but it startled an exhausted grin out of Tim and that was all that counted.

“Jay-“ he reached Dick and saw the fear plainly displayed all over his features.

“I’ll get you out of here and then you’re gonna help me get the replacement out of this mess. Got it?”

“Jay, I don’t think…”

“Don’t you dare, Dickie! Don’t you give up now!”

Dick straightened.

“Try the green,” Tim piped up. Jason felt pride rush through him when the kid’s voice didn’t waver. He sounded like he did when teasing Damian about getting one over him in a fight.

“If I try the green, it’s gonna set off the red. The red’s gonna set off blue. They’re all muddled up in here…”

Sometimes, saying things out loud helped him concentrate.

“But what if…” he pulled a little so that the blue and the red wires opened the passageway for him to see the explosive clay covering the trigger.

“I’m going to try something, alright? Keep as still as you can!” Because if he was right then he could at least disable this bomb. Jason searched his pockets for the tweezers and calmed a bit when he found them.

Dick just mustn’t move. Not even an inch.

They would all blow up otherwise.

“I trust you,” Dick breathed out, his voice low and sincere. Jason startled hard enough to drop his tweezers. He quickly grabbed them and went back to work, Dick’s words playing on replay in his mind.

The critical moment came when he pulled at the trigger and simultaneously placed a piece of fabric between it and the explosive. That way, the trigger should not be activated when the timer stopped because the clay didn’t reach it anymore.

He hoped.

_“Fuck!”_ Dick stumbled away from the bomb with a lot less grace than Dick Grayson was capable of. He held onto Jason’s shoulder while the tremors in his body subsided.

“Thank you,” Jason didn’t even look at Dick. Instead, he went back to working on the three remaining explosives around Tim.

Without the timer, a lot less pressure was on Jason’s shoulders; the urgency hadn’t helped matters.

Jason should have realised about half-way through disabling the three separate explosives wrapped around Tim that something was off. Contrary to what he expected, everything went off without a hinge. It should have set him off, but the relief that flooded him when Tim took a first tentative step down was overpowering.

“All good?” he asked gruffly, possibly to hide how glad he was, the baby-bird was alright.

“Just peachy…” A lie. It was so obviously a lie. But Tim smiled when he said it and Jason would take that as a win.

“Where’s Bruce?” At that Dick and Jason shared a look that Tim interpreted correctly.

“You think there are any more bombs around?”

“Not in this room. But I haven’t seen anything else around here…”

They would have to go in blind and Jason didn’t like that.

“Let’s-“ His sentence got cut off when a shrill tone suddenly exploded in their ears. They covered them against the noise, hearts racing with the implication of what was likely about to happen.

They prepared themselves for another explosion, seeking cover where they could. Jason noticed the door falling close and wondered briefly why that was when the noise stopped as abruptly as it had started.

“What the hell was that?” Dick asked with a confused raise of an eyebrow.

Yeah, Jason had no answer to that.

The next thing he noticed after cautiously walking around the room to see if something suspicious lurked in the corner, was the puddle of water slowly growing on the floor.

“Hey! Grayson! Get your ass over here!”

Dick did come over but he did so with a scathing look Jason could have gone without.

_Diva._

“That wasn’t here when we came in…” Dick voiced what Jason hadn’t.

“What are you talking- fuck!” Tim had fallen into a sprint towards the other end of the room, bringing as much distance between him and the water puddle as he could.

“I don’t know if anyone ever told you that, baby-bird, but water can’t hurt you if you know how to swim.”

“You think that water is here by accident?” Tim countered “He must have planned for this! That noise was an alarm bell! I bet it set off after you disabled the bomb!”

While Jason was still contemplating, he felt Dick’s hand on his arm, pulling him back violently.

“Jay-“

“What!” Jason’s tone was a little bit harsher than he had intended but those traps were getting to him on a personal level.

“It’s charged…”

“It’s what?!?”

“The water…” Dick gestured toward the puddle “It’s electrically charged. So, if we touch it, we’re gonna get…”

“Shocked. We’re gonna get shocked.” They were both making their way to where Tim was standing but the puddle grew quickly.

“More like electrocuted…”

“Guys-“ Jason detected the worry in Tim’s voice before anything else.

“What’s wrong baby-bird?”

“Your boots are leather, right?”

“Sure are.” By the look on Tim’s face that wasn’t a particular good thing.

“Yours?” he turned to Dick, who wasn’t wearing regular boots, it seemed.

“Don’t wear any. I can’t climb with them…”

“Any chance the material of your suit is non-conductive?”

Dick seemed to mull the question over in his head, then shook it almost in defeat.

“I’m not sure.”

“Great. So, you both have shoes that are probably conductive and I’m not even wearing socks.” Both former Robin’s stared at Tim’s naked feet.

“What do we do?” Jason eyed the puddle critically, a little alarmed by how fast the water was spreading.

“It’s a contingency plan, right? He linked your bomb with the timer to set off the water, so that, even if you got out of that one, you still wouldn’t be able to leave.” 

Tim didn’t have to answer to confirm.

Meanwhile, Dick’s focus was stuck to the ceiling.

“How far do you think it will rise?”

“Why?”

Instead of a verbal answer, Dick gesticulated towards the ceiling were a mess of rods and lose wires were hanging down.

“So, what? Someone forgot to call maintenance, what’s that got to do-”

“I can hold onto them!” Dick said with a glint in his eyes.

“You can what now?”

“If I can get up there, I can hold onto them and you can hold onto me…”

“And then what?”

“What do you mean, then what?”

Maybe, if Dick would just take the time to think one step ahead…

“Then what are we gonna do? Hold onto you until your arms fall off and we take a deep dive into a pool of electrocuted water? No thank you!”

But Dick didn’t listen to him. He grabbed one of the hinges indenting the wall and gracefully pulled himself up until he was balancing on one leg, simultaneously reaching far above him to get a hold of one of the loose wires above them.

With, what must have been, impressive strength, Dick swung across the room, reminding Jason of the flying Grayson flyer he had once seen decorate Dick’s room at Wayne Manor.

A few complicated moves later, Dick had managed to build a trapeze up in the air before letting himself fall down to the ground.

“Ready, Little Wing?” There shouldn’t have been an innuendo in there, Jason mused, but he couldn’t help hearing it anyway. Ignoring the comment, he climbed up the wall just like Dick had minutes before and helped Tim up alongside him.

The additional weight of the Red Robin didn’t help him keep his balance and he struggled to reach the trapeze. Dick, completely at ease with hanging approximately fifteen feet in the air, swung towards them to heave Tim from Jason’s shoulders. The bird clung to him with reckless abandon, not that Jason could fault him.

They watched the water fill the room, the electricity crackling loudly below them.

“Great…” Jason mumbled, his arms straining around the wires he prayed were not charged “Just great.”

“Heads up, Little Wing…” Dick’s comment held a fondness, Jason didn’t know how to handle on a good day and considerably worse on days such as this. So, accordingly, his answer was:

“Shut it, Dickface!”

Dick chuckled from his spot on near the ceiling.

“I just don’t like waiting to get electrocuted by a maniac…” Jason grumbled, aware that his ears were burning beneath the domino, for which he was eternally grateful for.

“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Tim piped up, his voice betraying the confidence his features tried to portray.

“The water isn’t rising anymore. If we can figure out a way for it to drain then we’ll be walking out of here in no time.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, baby-bird, but we’re hanging fifteen feet up in the air and there is no way we can open that door from here.”

Excuse his sarcasm, but he was currently under a lot of stress, Jason thought to himself.

Tim, the everlasting asshole that he was, simply smirked and said:

“Who said anything about a door?”

With an annoying display of control, he flung himself down to where he was almost touching the water. Jason noticed even Dick getting antsy, eyes never leaving the kid.

They couldn’t really see what he was doing but heard a loud screeching, followed by some cracks and then a swoosh sound.

“What-“

Tim grinned up at them when the water slowly but surely subsided.

“Your drill and pocket knife come in handy, Todd. I have to give you that.”

“How the fuck-“

“Good job, Timmy.” Dick was positively beaming. And Jason was about to vomit. He hadn’t even noticed the sneaky bastard pickpocketing him.

After the water had finally disappeared through the hole in the wall, which had taken a good while longer than Jason had been comfortable with, they lowered themselves to the floor, skipping large puddles of water that had remained. The only thing in their way was the door that Jason swiftly kicked down. He ignored the way his knee throbbed at the action.

He just wanted to get the fuck out of here and go home.

Unfortunately, the “saving-bats mission” wasn’t over yet since two of them were still missing.

“Any idea where they went after you split up?” Dick vaguely pointed towards the left half of the building.

“If I hear another beep, I will turn around and leave you here to deal with this shit on your own, got it? I’m not stepping into any other room without fucking back-up!”

Dick smiled at him in that half-fond, half-condescending way of his that he only ever seemed to use on Jason and said with a shrug:

“You will.”

_Screw him._

Seriously, who was Dick to say that and with such certainty. But Jason had to admit, he had brought that onto himself back there. Didn’t mean he had to like it.

They rounded two more corners before the destruction of the hallway they were in indicated the explosion that must have gone off in there. Dick and Tim didn’t waste any time turning each stone and searching for their missing team-members. Jason though, couldn’t help feeling that they shouldn’t be here. If even a smidgen of the things that happened to them happened to B and the demon then they should be in plain sight or further down the hall.

Dick hadn’t remained where Jason had found him either.

“They’re not here,” Tim affirmed his suspicions.

Further on they went.

Two empty hallways, three empty room and one seriously creepy corridor later, they found one of the batarangs on the floor. Dick picked it up, moving with high alert in every step.

“Nightwing?” Bruce’s voice suddenly came out of the dark to their right. Jason jumped back, hand on his heart to keep it from beating out of his chest.

“Jesus, B-“

“Where were you? We’ve been searching for you for at least an hour!”

“Got caught up,” Tim breathed out, relief evident in his demeanour.

“Tim?” Jason watched Bruce hug Tim with the air of someone who didn’t know exactly what he was doing.

“Drake,” Damian extended a hand like he hadn’t worried about the other.

“I don’t understand,” Dick carefully stated.

“Can we maybe discuss this on the way back? I’m sure you all are burning to swap sob stories but I’d rather not do that in here.”

With a side-glance at Tim, Jason added:

“Also, I don’t think Baby-bird will be standing up much longer.”

As if Tim’s muscles had heard him, his knees gave out, eyes rolling back. Bruce picked him up easily, carrying all the way to the batmobile. Jason caught Dick staring at him but he turned away before he could analyse that too closely.

The way home alone felt lot longer than usual.

* * *

Jason didn’t hear from any bat for the better part of a week. It was his own choosing. Immediately after leaving the bats to lick their wounds, he had burned his safehouse and phone with it and had dodged each attempt at conversation. He just couldn’t deal at the moment.

Silence, he mused, was a wonderful thing. After that frankly ludicrous mission, he had needed a break. Not that he had stopped patrolling or beating up the weekly mob boss, but he had taken it slow.

A grocery run turned into a walk in the cold air of the night and Jason felt something creep up in his head that he had been able to squash most of the times. Today, it appeared, was not such a day.

He contemplated locking himself up at the new safehouse he was currently occupying. The itch in his fingers just wouldn’t subside, his heart picked up in speed before he managed to get a hold on his emotions. A frantic circle of “will I, won’t I” set his nerves on fire.

He cursed before pulling the helmet on.

Maybe he could find some douchebag in the back of a pub and beat him up real good. He wasn’t out for big fish tonight, but something had to give, just to take that edge off. It was how he stumbled over a black and blue clad shadow not twenty minutes later. Had he known Nightwing would be on patrol in this district tonight, he’d haven chosen somewhere else.

_Anywhere else. _

But he hadn’t and here they were, eyeing each other as if unsure how to proceed.

“Bring it on, Big Bird! Hit me with your best shot!”

Even from across the rooftops, Jason could see Dick cringe at his poor choice of pun. He shrugged it off, not like he had put in effort anyway.

Nightwing, though, didn’t respond with a pun of his own, confusing Jason for a second. That second, it seemed, was all Dick needed to swing over and knock him off his feet. Jason reeled back from the impact and managed to stick a half-way decent landing. Rage hit him with more potency than he should have allowed and he charged at Dick without thinking. Threat, his mind screamed at him. So, he did, what the Red Hood did best, and kicked his opponent right into the solar plexus. Dick’s pained “umpf” sound was the only thing stopping another attack.

“What the fuck, Grayson?!?” Jason spat out, glaring down to where Dick was still doubled over.

“How- ow, damn, Jay, you hit hard-“ Jason refused to take it as a compliment.

“How else am I supposed to get a hold on you?”

“Maybe I don’t want you to get a hold of me? Ever think of that, dickbag?”

“Don’t be like that, Jason.”

“I mean it! Stay the hell away from me!”

“Jay, please, I just want-“ He didn’t finish the sentence. Mainly, because Jason had chosen that exact moment to punch him right in the face. That infuriatingly sharp jawline could take a fucking hit once in a while. Jason reared to get into a fight. Didn’t matter with whom.

“What the fuck was that for?” Dick was up on his feet in the span of a second, dancing around Jason as if in a boxing ring. Jason didn’t answer but stepped to the side, catching Dick by surprise and getting a good kick in.

“Will you stop?!?”

“No!” Jason rasped out, never letting his eyes off Dick. He aimed at Dick’s nose this time. And stumbled back.

Dick had hit him square in the jaw. The punch had been hard enough to make his eyes water and his lips burst under the helmet, the material pressing tightly against his mouth. He felt his hackles rise and the thrill of adrenaline fill his veins. Still, Jason was fairly sure, Dick hadn’t put all his strength into it and it pissed him off.

“That all you’ve got, Big Bird? Is daddy not training you anymore? Finally cut the leash?” It was a low blow. The look of hurt that flashed over Dick’s expression almost made Jason feel bad. He prepared himself to block another hit and was deeply disappointed when none came.

“I don’t know why you’re behaving like this Jay, but I’m not gonna hit you again.” Dick picked up his escrimas from where they had flown out of his hand as if Jason wasn’t behind him with rage vibrating through his body.

“So what? You’re just gonna chicken out? Scared you’re gonna lose?”

“No. I just don’t want to hit you.” Dick readied himself to jump off the roof when Jason exploded:

“Get back here, you asshole!”

“I’ll see you around, Jay.” A tone of sadness swung in voice that Jason didn’t want to analyse. He contemplated going after Dick but decided against it.

Well, Plan B it is.

The bar he stumbled in on Crime Alley was even filthy from the outside, not to mention how seedy the crowd was that slowly trickled out of it. Jason dropped the helmet and the domino and packed them up.

Two words was all it took for one of the bikers that smoked outside to come at him. The hit connected harshly with his rib cage and the rush of pain helped him breathe freely. It was fucked up, he knew it was, but he couldn’t help himself. A constant need burned inside him, screaming for contact. This was the only way to get what he craved without asking. How else could he satisfy that itch, without picking unnecessary fights.

A sudden ringing in his ear reminded him not to let the fight get out of hand. He couldn’t afford getting seriously injured.

When he reached his safehouse, black and blue bruises covered his upper body and his face was a mess of blood and spit. He barely looked at himself in the mirror, the reminder that he needed this to function too obvious to ignore. With a damp cloth he pressed down on one particularly nasty bruise, hissing when the water touched the skin. He hated himself for relishing in the pain but pressed down harder anyway.

The sting it brought to his eyes felt like the first real emotion all day.

* * *

Dick replayed that encounter with Jason in his head over and over again. He still didn’t know what to make of it. That Jason he had talked to on the roof was not the one that had saved all of their asses a week back. Those two were almost polar opposites, as if Jason had split himself in two different versions of himself. It had been the first time Dick had seen the madness of the pit this close to the surface. It scared him a little.

Not because Jason could hurt him, even though he had proven time and time again that he could, but because Jason was hurting himself in the process. And that was something Dick couldn’t handle.

He entered the manor in a haze, unfocused until he ran into Tim.

“Can you look where you’re going?” The impact had caused Tim to spill his coffee all over the both of them. It pulled Dick out of his thoughts.

“Do you think there’s something wrong with Jason?” the question had left his mouth before Dick had thought it through.

“Isn’t there always?” Upon closer inspection, Dick realised how exhausted Tim looked.

“How many coffees have you had?” Big brother mode kicked in without conscious decision.

“None of your business, Grayson.” Tim snapped, cringing when he reflected on how that came out.

“Sorry, just tired.”

“You do know that sleep is not optional, right?” Sometimes, Dick wished he could just make Tim go to sleep, dump him in his bed and lock up the room, but he knew, from experience, that the little shit would just break out again.

“Yes. So, what’s wrong with Todd now?”

“Now?”

“Yeah, there’s always something, isn’t there?”

Okay, he had a point there.

“I ran into him.”

“And? You guys run into each other _all_ the time. It’s getting pathetic, to be honest.” Dick had a suspicion that Tim was alluding to something very specific.

“We don’t- how do you mean pathetic? I was on patrol!”

That needed to be reiterated, loudly, with emphasis.

Tim simply raised an eyebrow at him that reminded him of Bruce so much that Dick suppressed a giggle.

“Really?”

“What?” He was officially lost.

“You really don’t see what is going on here?” When Dick continued to stare at Tim without providing an answer, Tim huffed an ever-suffering sigh and said:

“Never mind. Just tell me what’s wrong with him this time.”

“He kinda-“ how should he put that into words. He noticed Tim staring at him expectantly and hurried to say:

“He picked a fight with me.”

Tim made a rather unattractive sound through his nose that sounded suspiciously like a snort. “What else is new?”

“It was different. I don’t think he was angry at me he just- I think, he just wanted to fight.”

“Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Fight him?”

“Not really. I hit him but then I realised he was just pretending to be in one of his rages and I backed out. I just-“

There was no way Tim would interpret what he was about to say correctly, but he needed to say it anyway.

“I just don’t want to hurt him.”

“Wow.” Like predicted, Tim rolled his eyes.

“First off, do you really think Jason doesn’t know how to defend himself? Because that’s some grade A bullshit. And second off, do you really not see what’s going on here?”

Dick didn’t answer, a little caught off guard by Tim’s rant.

“Maybe he just wants contact! Ever think of that?”

“Contact? He burned his safehouse and phone. If he wanted contact all he had to do was ask.”

“And how many times has Jason- Jason, the guy who refused to tell us he was alive because he thought we all knew and were just not giving a fuck- asked for things he wanted? Because I’m pretty sure the answer to that is never.”

Dick needed a moment to let that sink in.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.”

“Thanks, Timmy.”

Tim just shrugged, evidently not comfortable with the level of emotional talk they had engaged in. Dick also didn’t want to inspect what Tim’s earlier comments had meant. His relationship with Jason had always been complicated after all.

“Whatever.”  
  


* * *

Dick hit his mattress with a flop, burying his face in the pillows. He couldn’t help but turn that encounter over in his head until it made sense. Why was Jason so adamant to keep his distance? Dick had thought he was getting a bit more comfortable with being around the Batfamily. Especially, after saving Tim, Dick had had high hopes on seeing more of Jason. But tonight, Jason had been aggressive and pushy as always.

He didn’t know what to do with that and wasn’t proud for hitting Jason, even if Jason had held his own rather viciously. Tim had been right, Dick concluded: Jason had wanted to be hit. But Dick was not going to hurt him, not matter the insults spewed his way.

If Jason wanted someone to fight him, he would have to find them somewhere else. Even though Dick really hated the idea of Jason picking a fight with strangers to- to what?

What was his end goal?

Dick had no idea what was going on in that head of his. He just wanted Jason to keep in contact and not run every time someone came close to him. Dick had been to his safehouse and had found only ashes there, confirming his suspicion that Jason had ghosted them once again after the successful mission. He had been a bit more distanced after they had found Bruce and Damian, a sharp contrast to the Jason that had disabled the bomb under his feet.

Something was severely wrong and Dick, not for the first time, was scared that Jason was doing much worse than he led on.

He had a feeling that maybe Jason just needed someone in his corner. Someone that was there no matter what, not matter how badly he fucked up. And if fate demanded it was him, well, so be it. He’d take it head on if it meant that Jason got a chance to heal.

* * *

Dick Grayson found himself a few roofs to the side of where a strikingly familiar helmet was quickly making its way down the fire escape of a building. They were in one of the seedier parts of Gotham, a little way from Crime Alley.

The hairs on Dick’s neck rose when thinking back to that place. Even without it being so closely related to Jason, it didn’t hold any fond memories for him. He was just glad that the Hood himself seemed to avoid it tonight. The reason for trailing the younger man should have been keeping an eye out for any crime related activities of the Red Hood, but, unfortunately, that was not the truth.

All of them were quite aware that Jason had not killed anyone in a long time. At least not deliberately. There had been a rather unpleasant incident with one of the Mafia bosses two weeks back, but nobody blamed Jason for that.

Not even Bruce.

Considering all that, his excuse for, what he gently titled vigilance, and what Babs would call stalking if he gave her the chance, was pretty piss poor.

Jason might be wearing the Hood tonight but he didn’t behave like he was in a hurry. Dick watched, hanging from a hazardly placed scaffolding, how Jason peeled off the helmet and straightened his leather jacket. Dick did a double take when he caught the younger man ruffling his hair as if wishing for it to stick up in all those weird directions. He rolled his eyes to himself.

Leave it to Jason to look good with a complete lack of grooming. Dick didn’t pause to contemplate the thought. Maybe, if he had, he wouldn’t have been so shocked by what was about to happen.

At the very least, he wouldn’t have been caught that much off guard.

As it was, he followed Jason into the building, a good fifteen minutes after the other had gone in, just to make sure not to get caught. Wouldn’t that be an awkward conversation, if Jason spotted him there and realised Dick had followed him.

Yeah, better to avoid that at all cost. It wasn’t why he was here anyway. Not that he wanted to think too much about why he _was_ here, but hey, he owed no one an explanation.

The bouncer at the door let his eyes travel up and down his body for a brief second before stepping aside with a rough: “Have fun.”

Dick wasn’t fazed by it, he knew how he looked after all.

The bass hit him the minute he entered what turned out to be a club. Neon lights flashed and blinded him briefly before he got accustomed to the darkness around him. He couldn’t help that his fingers twitched to the knife, carefully concealed under his hoodie.

Dick remembered talking to Alfred one day, about how paranoid he got whenever he was surrounded by people, even though no one here likely meant him any harm. He smiled at the recollection of Alfred telling him to just bring a knife and call it a day, albeit, he now felt like the guy had been taking the piss on him. 

The crowd on the dancefloor contained a colourful mix of Gotham’s best and worst almost doing the horizontal tango and, as far as Dick could see, some even more than almost. He quickly looked elsewhere.

Not that he hadn’t done his fair share of clubbing, but voyeurism, much to everyone’s surprise, considering he was a performer through and through, was not something he indulged in. He rounded a corner then, or a cluster of people rather, and nearly stumbled over the neon-lit bar. Since he wasn’t technically on the job, he ordered himself a whisky and leaned back against the counter.

His eyes trailed over faces and figures, searching without being too obvious for the mop of black with that infuriating shock of white, Jason had stubbornly insisted on keeping. For another fifteen minutes, Dick remained where he was, caught between bored and nervous. What if Jason saw him there? What if-

Dick’s mind came to a screeching halt, his mouth dropping open slightly, when he registered who had just entered the main floor.

Some time in between, Jason must have gotten rid of his jacket because he was now only sporting a black V-neck that clung to his body even tighter than his old suit would have. Dick ignored the sharp pain that raced through him whenever he thought back to Jason in the Robin suit.

Instead, his eyes were glued to Jason’s jeans, ripped at the knees and hanging dangerously low where a strip of skin was exposed just above-

_Aaaaand he needed to stop this asap._

_What would Babs say if she caught you drooling over your little brother, hm? _

And while that inner voice was frustratingly right, he still didn’t cut it out. In fascinated horror, he watched as Jason made his way through the crowd. Dick scrambled away from the bar with less grace than usual, afraid what would happen if Jason actually saw him there. The accusations that would flow would surely ruin both of their evenings.

As it turned out, though, he needn’t have worried. Because Jason had one sole focus. And it wasn’t Dick. He craned his neck to get a better look at what had caught Jason’s interest and nearly fell over- _again_, an annoying voice in his head supplied. His total lack of control over his body should have concerned him more than it did. But that thought flew right out of the window when

Dick realised what Jason was doing, namely being sandwiched between a man and a woman, pressing in close. A few things dawned on Dick then:

First, he had had no idea Jason even swung that way. Or any way at all.

Second, the pair had their hands all over his little brother and Dick really didn’t like that.

Third, Jason could fucking _move_.

He should have guessed really, after seeing the Red Hood in hand-to-hand combat- that level of control didn’t come out of nowhere after all. But it had never occurred to Dick that Jason would go clubbing or what likely happened when he did. He was a bit surprised that Jason allowed the pair to touch him that much. Usually, he wasn’t good with tactile people, much to Dick’s dismay.

Now, though, it seemed as if Jason relished the way the other guy’s fingers were trailing down his body towards his hips.

Dick clenched his teeth, couldn’t decide whether Jason was more into the guy pressing into him from behind or the girl pulling him close against her body. She leaned in and whispered something into Jason’s ear when the latter suddenly looked up.

Their gaze met across the room. Dick froze, an apology ready on his lips. The shock on Jason’s face though quickly morphed into his usual expression full of anger. Dick was ready to bolt any second now, sensing just how badly he had fucked up.

The beat of the music changed to a different tune then, and Jason, still not leaving Dick’s gaze, stepped out of the sandwich and up on one of the platforms on the floor. Something in the air trickled around him, gluing Dick to the spot. Dick barely had time to prepare himself before Jason started to dance.

Slow.

Sensual.

All by himself.

Rolling his hips to the rhythm in a way that had Dick biting his lip in a failed attempt to control himself. Jason’s shirt clung to his torso, leaving not much to the imagination when it shifted with every move, showing off more muscle than should be legal. It drove Dick mad.

He lifted his gaze then, piercing Dick with those greenish eyes that hit the light so perfectly. Dick’s fingers itched to reach out, hold onto those hips that swayed with the rhythm. He had anticipated being mocked, teased, mercilessly by his younger brother for doing such a shit job of stalking him.

Because, _damn you Babs_, it was stalking and he knew it.

The insult never came, instead, Jason held his gaze captive, cheeks flushed, if from exertion or something else, Dick wasn’t too sure. The image in front of him and the one of Jason in his head didn’t go hand in hand. He hadn’t ever seen Jason like this, inviting, seductive and yet so out of place. It seemed as if Dick’s presence unsettled him somehow, made the big bad Red Hood lose focus.

None of his usual confidence, of the snark Dick knew even Bruce secretly appreciated, was evident in the tilt of his head. A bead of sweat trickled down Jason’s temple, the only indicator he wasn’t as untouched by whatever was going on as he pretended to be. Dick traced its path down to Jason’s exposed collarbone, the paleness of his skin, almost unnatural in the low light, enticing and calling to be touched.

It should have shocked him, but it didn’t.

It was Jason after all.

Jason, with his stubborn head and pouty lips that glistened slightly whenever he ran his tongue over them. Dick had always known the danger that came with that boy, the pull he could have when grown up.

And now that he was, it looked like Jason, for all his posturing, wasn’t even aware he was doing it. The raise of his eyebrow, the almost coy question in his eyes, it all screamed to Dick, loudly and clearly how much out of his element he was.

It was also the exact moment, Dick felt his precariously perched control snap like a twig. He cursed heartily.

_Damn Jason and his everything. _

The sight of his Little Wing dancing shouldn’t entice him so much. It really, _really_ shouldn’t.

But it did and he was already on the way over, so there really was no use in pondering anymore.  
He reached Jason within a minute, catching the other by surprise, if his stiff posture was anything to go by.

“Took you long enough,” Jason stage whispered, a cocky grin on his face that didn’t match the uncertain flicker Dick saw in the blush on his cheeks.

“I was enjoying the show,” Dick said, perfectly aware that his words deepened the red to almost cherry. Jason looked delicious.

“Wasn’t putting on a show…” he caught the murmur but only barely. Jason spun around then, swinging his hips and staring at guy in a tank top as if to show he wasn’t bothered or interested.

Dick hated to call his bluff.

_Well, not really. _

His hands went to Jason’s hips where his jeans sat low against his prominent hipbones.

“Yeah you were, Little Wing…” he felt bold when Jason didn’t push him off, even more so when Jason started to move against him, slowly at first, almost shy.

“You _wanted_ my attention and now you’ve got it…” he breathed the words against Jason’s neck and watched the younger tilt his head back as if to lean against Dick. His movement halted for a second, barely perceptible to the bystander but Dick felt it all the same.

“What-“ Jason cleared his throat as if trying to appear unaffected when he so clearly wasn’t, “what are you doing?”

“Dancing, Jay. You seem to have a talent for it,” Dick smirked. He had rarely ever seen Jason so flustered, so out of it and he basked in it like it was sunlight.

“But-“ He was so clearly caught off guard by Dick’s advances that the usual biting sarcasm wasn’t there. Dick liked the change well enough. At least for now.

“Keep moving those hips,” he encouraged, his voice taking on an edge that could easily have been an order.

As if to accentuate his point, Dick pulled Jason flush against him, letting his body roll forward sinfully. He kept a tight grip on Jason’s locks even though he didn’t remember when his hand had sneaked up there. Jason made a sound dangerously close to a moan.

“Dick-“

He shushed him before he could say any more.

Dick hadn’t realised how much time had passed when a stranger came up to them. At first, nothing unusual happened but the closer the other man came to Jason, the faster Dick’s heart beat in his chest.

After a particular heated look, the guy threw Jason, he reached around Dick and pulled the younger man out of his grip. Dick spluttered rather unattractively while watching the guy nearly drool over Jason’s body.

If pressed, Dick would blame it on the alcohol and the adrenaline- _on anything_\- just not and in no way on possessiveness.

“Hands off, asshole!”

It wasn’t one of his finest moments, he had to admit. But damn did it feel good to shove those paws off. The startled look Jason shot him did not go unnoticed, but he didn’t really have time or energy to explain himself. Without a second thought, he pulled the younger man away from the dancefloor and bit out:

“Get your jacket!”

Jason raised an eyebrow at him that was definitely amused but didn’t comment. At least until they were outside and the cold air of the night sobered them right up.

“Wanna tell me what all of that-“ he waved vaguely at the club behind them, “was about?”

No, Dick would not like to tell him, _thank you very much._

But he was an adult and, unlike some people he could mention- present company included- able to admit when he was in the wrong. Didn’t mean he had to like it, though.

“Just thought we could take this somewhere else…”

Ah, so, apparently, he wasn’t above changing the topic.

_Whoops.  
_

Well, who cared? As long as Jason wasn’t running…

“Really, Big Bird? That’s your line? What would B say if he heard his Boy Wonder proposition me like that?” Jason tutted and grinned in that smug way of his. It was rather infuriating, not to mention slightly hot.

Dick was not exactly pouting, he just couldn’t help that his lower lip stuck out slightly. And if he licked it for dramatic effect, no one had to be the wiser. Especially not Jason, who seemed captivated by his tongue darting out to moisten his lips.

“S’ that a no then?” He asked, playing up the pout even more. And Dick knew very well when he let his eyes fall to Jason’s thighs that the other tracked the movement.

_Ohhhh, he had him. _

Jason, predictably, shook his head, then nodded. Dick bit down on the grin threatening to escape and took the initiative once again.

“I have a safehouse nearby…” Because they couldn’t just say apartment these days, fancy heroes- or anti-heroes- that they were.  
  


* * *

Dick shrugged out of his jacket and shoes the second he stepped inside his flat. Jason followed with the air of someone, who didn’t do this often. It was strangely endearing.

The moment lasted until Jason spun Dick around and pressed him against the door. The impact was a bit too hard to lean on the right side of pleasurable, but finesse wasn’t what they were going for anyway. Frantic hands pulled his shirt over his head, leaving him shivering.

“You like redheads.” A vain attempt, it seemed, to stop their encounter from derailing any further. Jason, Dick realised, grasped at the chance to save himself from this situation he still couldn’t figure out.

He obviously didn’t know how to feel with Dick’s hands on his shoulders. His body language told Dick all he needed to know about his present state of mind: Jason was preparing for an attack, a hit to his chest maybe or even a gun pointing at him. His shoulders squared, likely to ready himself for the trap to finally close in on him.

It was why the reply he got caught him so completely off guard.

“I like _you_.” Dick said tenderly, with an easy smile, offering himself up, laying it bare, just to wipe that frown from Jason’s forehead.

“I’m not-“

_He’s not what?_

Even in Jason’s own head, the list of things he was not was too long to spell out. Dick, though, didn’t mind. He tutted at Jason in a way that would have made Damian proud and proceeded to tug at the zipper of Jason’s jacket.

Jason barely stopped himself from flinching at the sound. His jacket was like armour and losing it made the hairs on his arms rise. He had to remind himself that Dick was maybe- possibly- not a threat right now.

They made it to the bed against Dick’s initial belief that Jason might want to do this while pressing him against the door.

It occurred to him, in the haze that was Jason’s fingers trailing his skin, that this was the closest Jason ever got to affectionate touch. And there was his explanation why Jason did this so roughly, why he wouldn’t pause to treasure the moment, wouldn’t let Dick trail soft kisses down his many scars. Jason didn’t know how to deal with tenderness and when shown an inch retreated back to anger.

He should have realised in the club, watching Jason grind against the couple without any real aim to take it further, mouth never straying towards the lips, instead choosing to bite, that Jason likely didn’t have any other way to express his desire to be touched.

Maybe, Dick thought, he never had the chance to associate touch with something other than pain. He was derailed from his path of pondering when Jason’s teeth found his neck.

“Jay-“ He was not gonna lie, it hurt like a bitch but if that was the way Jason needed this to go, Dick could accommodate.

“Turn over,” Jason rasped, fingers tight enough to leave bruises on Dick’s skin. Dick was hesitant to turn his back, not because he didn’t trust Jason but because he wanted to see him. This wasn’t some random hook-up. Call him sentimental, but he wanted to do this eyes open and head on.

“I said, turn over!” It was definitely a command that rippled through Jason. Dick raised a brow but didn’t turn. Instead, he gripped Jason’s face on each side and brought him close.

“Wha-“ but the question was swallowed by Dick pressing his lips against Jason’s. The man startled so hard, he nearly knocked Dick over with the force of it. He was being shoved onto his ass before he had even time to revel in the taste of Jason’s lips.

“What are you doing!” it came out more of a statement than a question and Dick was well aware that he had broken an unspoken rule between them, but he didn’t care.

To erase that look from Jason’s face that reminded him of a cornered animal, Dick slid close again and whispered:

“You taste good.”

With anyone else, this probably wouldn’t have worked, the line too much of a cliché to even elicit an erotic response, but Jason had never been conventional. Dick was a little shocked by the groan coming from Jason.

“Dickie-“

He cut Jason off: “I wanna-” Without finishing the sentence, Dick leaned back in and pressed another soft kiss to Jason’s lips. For a second, he thought, Jason would push him away again but then something strange happened.

Jason melted against him, a delicate blush tinting his cheeks that brought out his freckles.

Dick manoeuvred them until he could undo Jason’s belt and slide his jeans and briefs off his legs in one go. Endless legs, mind you, with ridiculously strong thighs that Dick ached to feel around his waist.

Jason moved as if he wanted to sit up but Dick quickly pressed him down against his mattress. It brought out a chuckle of Jason that sounded much too young for him, carefree even. Dick ached to hear it again. He put the thought aside to let his breath ghost over Jason’s chest, to his belly where he shifted when Dick blew air just under his bellybutton. Teasing was fun, Dick knew, teasing Jason was on another level.

“Get on with it, asshat!” Fingers grabbed Dick’s hair and pulled him down. He let his tongue dart out to lick a broad stripe from the base to the head of Jason’s cock. Jason’s hips twitched upwards, almost unconsciously. Dick lowered himself again, this time swallowing Jason right down to the root, a trick he had spent long afternoons trying to perfect. The effect was instantaneous.

Jason cursed, fingers clenching in Dick’s locks, his back arched in that beautiful curve that showed off his abs. Dick grinned around the cock in his mouth and started to hum.

He stared up at Jason through hooded eyes, the vibrations of his throat driving the other crazy. Jason let him lead for approximately however long it took him to get accustomed to the new sensation.

After that, he grabbed Dick by the hair, harder than he had before and started to move. His hips set a shallow pace that Dick could follow without problem. He held onto Jason’s thigs for stability and relaxed his throat.

“Shit, yes!” It was enough encouragement for Dick to make a load of endorphins in his head go off. He had always been a sucker for praise.

_Heh, pun intended. _

His own erection became slightly painful after having gone so long without any kind of stimulation, so, he sneaked a hand around himself and squeezed once just to take the edge off. The action made him moan around Jason’s cock, which had the other fuck into his mouth even harder. His throat burned, his eyes watered but he didn’t scoot back, the expression on Jason’s face too hot to handle.

Dick’s fingers lightly tapped Jason’s balls, just because he could. And he couldn’t have hoped for a better reaction: 

“_F- fffuck_, gonna- oh God!” Dick pulled off with a wet sound, spit dampening his lips. Jason shot up from the bed then and crashed his mouth against Dick’s. His chest was heaving under

Dick’s hands, his breath came quickly. He must have been really close, Dick concluded, feeling a little smug.

Dick didn’t miss Jason trying to squeeze his legs together, still breathing hard, in an attempt to stave off coming too soon. He was tempted to add something to the mix just to see Jason’s control snap but didn’t want to ruin the main event.

“Let me…” Jason rasped out once he had calmed down enough to perceive anything that was happening around him that wasn’t the tightness in his balls. Dick was busy prepping himself, one hand fingering his ass, the other perched on the bed so that their dicks were rubbing against each other with each roll of his hips.

Dick didn’t ask if Jason was sure, just handed him the lube and leaned forward until their lips crashed together in a bruising kiss that was more teeth than tongue. Jason’s finger matched his in girth but surpassed his in length.

Once Jason had gotten them sufficiently lubed up, he tentatively reached around. Dick saw a flicker of uncertainty pass over Jason’s features. To make things easier, he grabbed Jason’s hand and showed him as best as he could in this position how to use them. Barely a minute in, Jason sat up, wriggling his finger a little to the left. Dick keened, hips rocking down.

“Right there. _Ye-esss_…”

God, he had forgotten how good that felt.

Jason, eloquent as always, grinned at Dick with a little too much smugness then proceeded to scissor his fingers in a way that had Dick see stars.

After a while, Dick started writhing, a little impatiently, urging Jason to put in a third finger. Jason looked ready to protest but thought better of it after seeing Dick bite his lip, staring up at him with heated cheeks and dilated pupils.

“You like that, Dickie?” Dick nodded, feeling a little shaky on his knees. He wouldn’t hold on long if Jason kept this up. They needed to move this show along and quickly, or the fun would be over way too soon.

When Jason’s fingers slipped out of him, just to ghost over his hole, making him twitch in Jason’s lap, Dick stopped him. The confusion was palpable in the air around them.

Dick didn’t let it stretch, instead turning them over until Jason was between his legs and Dick was on his back.

“Fuck me,” he moaned and watched Jason’s eyes darken instantly. Jason lined himself up, one hand holding Dick’s leg, the other guiding himself until the tip of his cock breached Dick.

Dick’s hands shot out to stop him when he rolled his hips, almost as if on accident.

“Sorry-“ Jason breathed, voice barely above a whisper. Dick forced himself to relax, to ease the burn at least a little.

After a while of just getting used to the sensation, he motioned for Jason to kiss him again.

“Move!” he bit out. Jason didn’t need to be asked twice. Slowly, oh so slowly, Jason pulled back and thrust in, his hips doing that sensual roll they had done in the club. Dick’s eyes fluttered shut.

“Good?” Jason was seemingly reduced to one-word sentences. Dick watched Jason’s eyes roll back in his head when he lifted himself up from the bed and moved against Jason, meeting him on every thrust.

If he angled his hips right, Jason’s cock brushed his prostate on every other turn, making him tremble and his cock blurt out blobs of precome. A particular hard thrust Dick felt all the way to his toes. His breath hitched, his fingers ached to jerk himself off. But with the way Jason was fucking him, Dick couldn’t reach down.

“I w- wo- on’t- ca-can’t hold on much lo-onger…“ Jason stuttered out between thrusts, his eyebrows drawing together in concentration. Dick’s cock twitched, trapped where it was between their stomachs. He needed just a little friction.

_God_, he was close.

That was, when one of Jason’s large hands grabbed his cock and gave it a viscous twist on the upstroke. Dick froze mid-air, abs clenching painfully. He chased the feeling, rutting against Jason’s hand and back against his cock.

So, so close.

His vision turned white.

_“Yes- fuck!”_ he had to bite Jason’s neck to stifle his cries, hands holding onto Jason’s shoulders for support.

The tightness in his balls released instantly, his cock felt like it was exploding with the sheer force of it. He fucked up into nothing, ass clenching around Jason, who groaned and fell forward.

* * *

Dick didn’t know what had given him the impression or why he was ruining a perfectly good afterglow, but the question just spilled out of his mouth:

“You’ve ever done it with a guy?”

“Sure.” And, oh fuck. Because Jason, for all his posturing, was so, so clearly lying it should be funny.

“Yeah? Like it better than with a chick?”

“Huh?”

“What do you like better, since you have comparison.” Not that Dick didn’t have any. He had done most things at least once. But Jason, oh, Jason was another topic entirely.

“I like both the same.” Jason replied in a clipped tone. Dick would have believed him if not for the faint blush on his cheeks.

“Yeah? Liked fucking me?” He knew he was teasing and that Jason was probably uncomfortable, but the thought of having been Jason’s first male experience bugged him. Why, he couldn’t put into words, something about their pseudo-familial bond maybe, or even that Jason probably didn’t have someone he trusted enough to explore.

“Sure did.” Dick realised then that Jason had caught on. He had stiffened beside him, eyes tracing the ceiling.

“Me too,” Dick offered as way of apology. He vowed to himself to stop prying but Jason didn’t make it easy.

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” He could fall asleep like that, if not for the guilt nagging in his brain. He shouldn’t have come at Jason like this. Screw that, he shouldn’t have even followed him. Not that he regretted feeling Jason’s lips against his or the blinding orgasm that had followed.

“You’re thinkin’ too loud. Makes my head hurt.”

“Sorry-“ He should have taken his time with Jason, Dick thought, made sure he was okay with this. But then again, Jason probably would have run already if that was not the case, right?

Would he though, an inner voice asked. Would Jason really have said he was uncomfortable, risking to look like he didn’t know what he was doing?

Dick hated to think he had screwed something up in between them. He couldn’t even put his finger on what was bothering him so much, but something was definitely wrong here.

Maybe it was the space between them, growing wider by the second. Maybe it was in Jason’s controlled breathing or the way he wouldn’t meet Dick’s eyes even when Dick tried to lift his chin.

Maybe it was just Jason being Jason. Dick tried to calm himself, tried to tell himself everything was alright and that nothing was amiss. It took a while before he fell asleep.

Come morning, Jason was gone. 

* * *

_Shit. _

Shit, shit, double shit.

What had he been thinking? Fucking Dick? Of all people. That was not- he should not have even talked to the idiot. Let alone fuck him.

Jason made it to the bathroom just in time to throw up what little he had ingested since yesterday. The memory of Dick’s fingers trailing his skin, his lips covering his body enveloped Jason like a blanket, cutting off his breath. He nearly ripped the shower curtain in his haste to get inside.

The hot water hit him like a freight train and he scrubbed until his skin was red and irritated. He needed to ban those images from his head forever.

How could he have let his guard down like that?

He cursed Dick for his existence, his tenderness that Jason never knew how to handle. He hadn’t ever been shown gentleness like that and he wasn’t sure he liked it. Fists flying at his face, he knew how to cope with but someone holding him close without the intention to hurt was new and he didn’t feel comfortable with new. His gut turned when he recalled the conversation with Dick afterwards, how the other had caught on to exactly how new all of that had been for Jason.

He blamed the pit and his time spent six feet under for never exploring the way he now wished he could have had just to stop feeling like this.

After his resurrection, he hadn’t ever been able to engage in physical contact like that, for fear of getting hurt or worse in the process.

And before, he had been a little too young, too absorbed in adoring Batman.

And then Dick had to go and ask that stupid question. Jason’s cheeks burned when he recalled the knowing look on the other’s face.

When he stepped back out of the shower, surrounded by enough steam to make him sweat, he vowed to himself to never let that happen again. He would avoid the idiot and make himself scarce.

It didn’t mean anything.

It _couldn’t_ mean anything.

* * *

Three nights later, Jason spotted a glimpse of red in his peripheral vision. He contemplated ignoring it but then again, the replacement was good company if he wanted to be.

“Hey baby-bird, long time no see.” Tim, to his credit, didn’t even flinch.

“Could say the same to you. Phones are a thing, you know? Wouldn’t hurt for you to call in every once in a while.”

“Hasn’t really been on my radar, kiddo.”

“Oh, believe me, I know. Dick’s been moping ever since you guys last met.”

Everything in Jason snapped taut at those words. Had Dick blabbed on him? He itched to grapple to the next rooftop.

Tim, observant bastard that he was, caught on rather quickly.

“He didn’t tell me anything.”

“There’s nothing to tell anyway. I don’t know what-“

“Save it, Todd.”

“Look-“

“No, I get it. But can you please stop avoiding him? He looks like a kicked puppy every time he comes home and hasn’t run into you on patrol. And it’s getting on my nerves.”

Jason had nothing to say to that. Nothing at all. Because if he so much as opened his mouth, he would blab about all the reasons why he couldn’t ever talk to Dick again.

“What’s with the look?” How Tim had concluded what Jason’s face was doing, he had no idea.

“What look?”

“The I-fucked-up-and-don’t-know-how-to-get-out-of-this-shit-look.” How oddly specific. Jason did wonder if his face actually had an expression for that, but seeing as how often he fucked up, he wouldn’t be surprised if it did.

“I’m not talking to Goldie.” Jason said sternly with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Sure. Whatever you say.” Tim shrugged as if the topic was off the table. Jason should have known better than to ask why he was so easily swayed.

“Because, knowing the both of you, I’ll give you two weeks max before you’re all up in each other’s business. Should have just waited for you to figure that out on your own but Dick’s moping is really not something I wanna be around longer than necessary.”

“Now listen here you little-“

“Yeah, replacement, pretender, none of my business and yadda, yadda, yadda.”

Tim chose that moment to fling himself off the roof and grapple down to the side walk. He yelled up at a stunned Jason:

“See ya, Hood! Won’t be long, I expect!”

Jason still hadn’t moved, completely at a loss for words, a witty comeback or any reaction really.

_That little shit! _   
  


* * *

Under normal circumstances, Jason wouldn’t have set foot in Wayne manor for all the money in the world and a cherry pie on top of that. But Alfred had called him on his burner- he must have gotten the number from the replacement since no one else had it- and had insisted, with no small amount of emotional bullying that he’d come have tea.

Jason was not proud to admit how quickly he relented.  
He felt completely out of place, sitting in the kitchen and sipping peppermint tea while Alfred tended to the cookies he was currently baking.

“It is good to see you, Master Jason.”

Jason felt more than heard the silent question of why he hadn’t revealed his identity to the butler sooner.

“You too, Alfie.” He meant it. Jason had spent many a night contemplating to call but had always decided against it, fearing he would be hung up on or told never to call again.

“How is life treating you now that-“ once again Alfred didn’t need to put into words what he so clearly wanted to know. Jason indulged him, exposing more personal information than he had with anyone in a long time.

Alfred tutted at him when he gave a little too much detail about how he treated his wounds and that he had tried to walk with two bullets in his chest on one memorable occasion.

“You should come for dinner, one of these days, Master Jason.”

Jason flinched, completely involuntarily, at even the idea of dinner.

Alfred continued as if he hadn’t seen.

“Let me assure you that you are greatly missed.”

Jason bit his lip to stop it from trembling. He felt his eyes burn and turned away to discreetly wipe them before he could make an idiot out of himself.

And because moments like these rarely ever lasted, Bruce walked into the kitchen with the expression of someone who was caught by utter surprise.

“Jaybird-“ the nickname came over his lips as if no time had passed since the last time he had used it. And Jason’s stomach did a flip, plummeting to somewhere around his knees.

“Don’t call me that!” Jason spat out, against the lump quickly forming in his throat. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest, his vision blurred. He was breathing heavily through his nose, nostrils flaring as pain shot through him with the speed of a bullet.

“You don’t fucking get to call me that!”

He didn’t know why he was reacting like this, why the call of his name, said with such tenderness made his skin itch and his flight instinct kick in. Alfred tried to intervene, but it was too late, the damage was already done.

_“Master Jason!”  
_

“Sorry, Alfie. Gotta run,” he refused to turn around and face Bruce.

He couldn’t deal right now.  
  


* * *

He ran through the city, not sure where he was headed or if he even had a goal in mind. The air around him was cold but only managed to make him shiver, instead of lifting the pain off his shoulders like fresh air usually did.

He didn’t know where to store all this emotion, what to do with the rage and pain simultaneously trying to take over his brain. There had to be an outlet, something to let off steam, ground himself in reality.

Confusing emotions occupied his head, heat and cold, want, need, anger, hurt- all of them flooded his system, drowning him beyond means of saving. He stumbled, had to hold onto the wall just to his right.

The pavement came closer before he even realised that his knees had given out. Jason reached out with an unsteady hand to heave himself up again but failed miserably. The floor was cold under him, making him shiver.

What if he couldn’t get up?

And then he heard it. A distant call of his name, softly, almost like a question. 

“Jay?”

He wanted to answer but his lips wouldn’t move.

“Jay, what’s wrong? Jay?”

A hand on his chin made him blink upwards.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Dick looked worried. It was the first thing Jason noticed. He didn’t like when Dick worried, especially about him. He didn’t deserve to be worried about.

“Can you stand?” That Jason could answer. Dick didn’t seem bothered or annoyed with him when he shook his head.

“I’m going to help you up, alright?”

Jason didn’t know how they made it to Dick’s apartment, only that Dick had held him up all the way there. The warmth that engulfed him the minute he stepped inside was a little overwhelming but comforting at the same time.

“Want something to eat?” Dick spoke up casual once he had deposited Jason on his couch. Jason managed to reply, which felt like a step in the right direction.

“You won’t believe who I ran into today…” Dick continued to ramble on about his day as if nothing was wrong. It gave Jason some time to get himself back under control.

“So, I said to him: Listen Ed, we’re both freezing our asses off here, so either you wrap up whatever you’re doing in there and get in the car or I throw you over my shoulder and drag you to the precinct. Your choice.”

Jason would have laughed at the image of the Riddler being carried by Nightwing but he couldn’t make himself do it. Dick shoved a steaming hot mug into his hands and sat down beside him, a small smile dancing around the corners of his mouth.

“I won’t make you talk,” he promised, as if he knew what had set Jason off.

“But I want you to know you can- you know? If it gets too much, you can always-“ he gestured towards himself and then the room “come here.”

Jason wasn’t sure if he was supposed to say something to that, so he nodded briskly and then hid his face behind the mug.

“You wanna crash here? It’s late…”

He should decline.

He really, _really_ should.

But it was warm and the couch was soft and his safehouse only had two space heaters that didn’t even reach his toes when the temperature dropped below freezing.

Also, he didn’t want to be alone. Not tonight.

So, instead of bolting like his gut told him to do, he made himself somewhat comfortable on Dick’s couch.

* * *

The laugh shattered his world like a hammer splitting glass. Shrill and clear it rang in his ears when he abruptly sat up. His heart was beating fast enough that its rhythm made him deaf. Quickly he searched the room for any indication of a threat.

Even when he realised where he was, he didn’t calm down. A red grimace grinned down on him, blank metal shone in the light. Jason shook himself, buried his head in his hands.

Just a dream, he reminded himself over and over again.

He had them fairly often, alternating with images of the pit and- newest addition- various members of his close circle being in danger. These ones, though, the ones where he was back in that warehouse, crawling with the last of his strength to where the timer had started, his body aching, screaming at him to keep going, those were the worst ones.

After assessing that the living room held no danger, Jason got up and walked towards Dick’s bedroom without thinking clearly. He just needed to make sure Dick was alright. That nothing had happened while he had been asleep.

The sigh that greeted him was right out of another dream, a nice one, where things weren’t so grim.

“Jay?” Dick’s sleep-laced voice ripped him out of his stupor and he straightened where he was leaning against the doorframe.

“Sorry.”

“What’s wrong?”

He hated how easily Dick had picked up on the signs, how he knew Jason well enough to see something was wrong.

“Nightmare,” why he felt comfortable enough to share, he wasn’t sure, only that the world didn’t come crashing down when he did.

“Come here?” Jason didn’t know if Dick had phrased it as a question on purpose but like that, it was easier to pretend coming over was his own decision instead of Dick’s. He could keep his control and still give it up at the same time, which was entirely new to him.

Jason reached the bed with uncertainty. Dick held up the blanket for him to lay down.

“Your toes are cold,” he complained and a chuckle erupted from Jason’s mouth.

“Because you’re like a sauna.”

“S’ that your way of saying I’m hot?” It was obviously meant as a joke but Jason felt the air around them crackled with sudden tension. Dick’s body was close enough to touch, the heat radiating from him slowly ghosting over Jason’s skin.

“No,” Jason whispered even though he didn’t know why.

“This is,” he leaned in.

* * *

Jason’s kisses were feverish, his skin burning hot. Dick worried briefly if Jason had caught a cold but then again, Jason didn’t really get sick since the pit. It was one of the things Jason had reluctantly shared with the bats.

Dick pulled off Jason’s shirt, noticing how it was drenched with cold sweat.

“God, you look-“ And it was true. The planes of pale skin covering abs defined enough to count them. Even the scars decorating Jason’s torso begged to be touched, traced like constellations of stars in the sky.

“Like what you see, Grayson?” The question, even if played up as teasing, was genuine. That much was clear in the bashful way Jason’s lashes fluttered.

“You don’t know half of it.”

He leaned over so that Jason was under him and rolled his hips down in a slow motion he had down to the nines. Predictably, Jason was a stuttering mess by the time, Dick reached the top button of his jeans. In one of the hottest movements, Dick had ever seen Jason do, the latter shrugged out of them by lifting his hips off the bed. The arch of his back and the play of his abs made Dick’s mouth water.

“You’re something else,” he whispered into the crook of Jason’s neck once he had leaned back in. Jason didn’t answer verbally but his hand found Dick’s waist and held onto it with enough force to bruise. Not for the first time, Dick felt like Jason wasn’t deliberately being rough but trying to hide how badly he needed to feel someone else’s touch, clinging to Dick like a lifeline.

“Wanna ride me?” Jason breathed against Dick’s neck, voice strained as if even the idea turned him on beyond reason. All the while, he pulled Dick down against him, making Dick feel how hard he was in his briefs.

“Had something a bit different in mind, tonight, Little Wing…”

“Wha- what are you talkin’ about?” The fluster ever so present in his voice had Dick preen above him.

It didn’t take him long to figure it out. Dick’s hands trailed down to Jason’s ass, one finger ghosting over his hole.

Jason jerked violently under him, effectively pressing his cock against Dick’s belly where precome was oozing from its tip, making the slide that much easier. Jason keened high in his throat, fingers clenching and unclenching by his sides.

Dick salivated at the thought of being inside him, feeling that tight heat around him, making Jason mumble nonsense into his mouth. He made a move as if to pull Jason back against him by his ass.

That was when he was shoved back with enough force to push him off the bed. He blinked up stupidly, completely unaware what had just happened, and saw Jason fumbling for his jeans in a frenzy.

“Ja-“ Dick didn’t even get to finish the word, let alone the question blaring like a neon sign in his head. Where had this taken such a turn? He really had thought Jason had enjoyed the sensation, judging by how visibly hard Jason’s cock still was in his pants.

Dick quickly tried to get a hold on him.

It earned him a gun aimed at his head. Dick stopped mid-way heaving himself up the bed.

“You do that again, I’ll blow your brains out. ‘t’ll make for great wall décor.”

He fumbled with his helmet, cursing when it wouldn’t clasp then decided to give up and stomp towards Dick’s window.

“Jason!“

The man didn’t even say goodbye before jumping out of the window, leaving behind a very confused, very hard and very hurt Dick. 

* * *

Jason was called to the manor by Tim with the emergency signal. He came running like an idiot, guns at the ready and completely out of breath. Before stumbling into the living room, he had a fleeting thought of this being odd, but didn’t pay any more attention to it. The door was kicked down swiftly and he was met with Dick’s raised eyebrow.

“What are you doing here?”

And ouch that stung. It had been a long time since Dick had addressed him with this much hostility. Jason immediately felt silly.

“The rep- Tim called.”

That was the exact moment the traitor chose to reveal himself with a grin on his face that spoke volumes.

“Todd, glad you could make it.”

Jason spluttered rather unattractively.

“What’s the emergency?”

“Dick.”

“What?” Dick looked as confused as Jason felt.

“No. Dick is the emergency. Because you two need to talk this out before I murder the both of you in your sleep. Don’t think I won’t.”

“Drake is right. If I have to hear Grayson complain about you one more time, Todd, I will kill you myself just to shut him up.”

Wherever the fuck the demon had come from, he had no business talking about this. But Jason didn’t particularly feel like picking a fight with this one.

“Go ahead.” Tim motioned for Jason to sit down, clearly blocking the door. Damian manned the other one, with an expression of pure disdain.

“What? You guys really think the mysterious Jason Todd is gonna talk feelings?”

Okay, Jason maybe had fucked up before but the brisk tone was not necessary.

“Fuck you too, Goldie,” he replied, completely aware that this wouldn’t score him any bonus points.

“Yeah, you liked that, didn’t you?”

Low blow. That was a low blow and Dick knew it.

“Have had better.”

“Did you? Because, as far as I know, you were too young to fuck anybody before you died and too scared to do it afterwards.”

That. Was. It.

Red tinted Jason’s vision and he slammed his fist down on the table. Dick didn’t even startle and it enraged him even more.

“You’re one to talk. At least I don’t fuck literally anything that crosses my way.”

“No, you’re right. You hole yourself up in the next best excuse of a safehouse and don’t socialise for weeks on end because you don’t know how to handle it!”

“Yeah? Maybe I just don’t want to socialise with you, ever think of that?” The statement hit Dick where it hurt and Jason knew it, could read it in the blaze of his eyes.

“Didn’t look like that to me last night when you kissed me!”

“That was just letting off steam!”

“That’s bullshit and you know it!” Dick was quick to retort, just as biting, just as hurtful.

“Do I? Because as far as I’m concerned, a hole is a hole and my dick doesn’t have eyes!”

“Fuck you!”

“You wish!”

“You know what? You can stand here and insult me all you want but we both know what really happened yesterday!”

“Oh, do we now?” Sarcasm bled into his voice.

“_Yes!_ You got scared! The great Jason Todd got scared because for once in his life someone showed him an inch of tenderness and he didn’t know what to do with that!” Dick continued without leaving Jason a chance to reply.

“And because you’re so afraid of even the possibility of feeling something, you run away like the coward you are!”

Jason was up and at Dick’s throat within the span of a second, breathing hard. The knife in his hand trembled where he pressed it against Dick’s throat.

“Dare saying that again, Grayson, and I’ll slit your fucking throat!”

Just when Dick was about to reply, something hit Jason on the head.

“Get out!” Damian barked at him, swinging one of Dick’s escrimas at him.

“Don’t waste your energy, Damian- I’ll go…” Dick had extracted himself from under Jason’s arms and calmly walked towards the door. There was a weight to his steps that wasn’t usually there.

“Yeah, go ahead. Get the fuck out!” Jason yelled at him, wanting Dick to just get out of his hair. The control on his anger, on that urge to hurt, was slowly slipping out of his grasp.

Damian whirled around in an air of furious mini-demon that Jason would have appreciated any other day, and spat out the words that made Jason’s heart stop for a beat: 

“It’s his home!”

Jason halted in his steps, retort caught on his tongue. Just for a second, he was overwhelmed with an onslaught of emotion, threatening to drown him.

“And it isn’t mine,” he snapped back, more a statement than a question. He hadn’t ever realised just how much his death had cost him. Because the little demon was right. This was Dick’s home and it wasn’t Jason’s.

Not anymore. He briefly wondered, if it had ever been.

Hadn’t Bruce reminded him often enough of how much of a let-down he had been? How Dick had outdone him without even trying? The Golden Boy Jason so desperately had tried to step in the footsteps of.

Not good enough, echoed in his head in a cruel imitation of Bruce’ voice.

It reminded him, with a sour taste in his mouth and a prickling in his eyes, that he, too, had been a replacement. Dick was the original Robin. The only Robin, in the Bat’s eyes, of that he had been so sure.

But then Drake had come along, and then the demon spawn and Jason had realised that it hadn’t been Dick’s pedestal that had been the problem. It had been him all along.

Because Jason wasn’t like the rest of them, he wasn’t a Robin and he wasn’t good. He wasn’t even a hero anymore. And he questioned, in that moment, eye to eye with his predecessor and successors, if he had ever truly qualified as a hero anyway. Hadn’t Bruce told him often enough that he was too harsh, too cruel, too ruthless? Even before the pit, the Bat hadn’t approved of his methods.

Little had he known what the poison of the pit would do to his former protegee. Not that he had ever cared to asked.

“Jay-“

Jason whipped around when he heard the barely disguised pity in Dick’s voice.

_Hell to the no!  
_

The last thing he needed was Grayson feeling sorry for him. Still, it hurt more than he could admit even in the privacy of his own head. And before he could let them see how deep the comment had hit him, he threw himself bodily out of the window, not the least bit concerned when he crashed right through it, shards cutting his skin. The burn dimmed the way his stomach churned, just a little bit.

He made it two streets further until he could breathe again. Hands pressed to the side, he took a moment to clean off the remaining glass off his jacket. Absurdly enough, he wished for his helmet.

If nothing more, it would cover his face form the eyes of anyone crossing his path. Close under the surface, the need to kill pumped through his veins. He clenched his teeth, cold air covering his skin.

The next gangster that came into his vision was transported to the station with ambulance. Even after that night, the cops would often tell stories about how the guy hadn’t even had one bone intact in his whole body.

* * *

Jason had almost not answered the call when it came in. But something in his gut told him it was important and when the demon spawn was the one on the other line, Jason felt a shiver run down his spine.

“Personal matters aside, we need you here, Todd.” The call was ended before Jason even had a chance to decline.

He walked in without a word of greeting, sparing Tim a glance who rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything, which Jason took as a good sign. Dick, he didn’t dare look at.

“It’s connected,” he heard the shortstuff say and his attention was drawn away from the gap between him and Dick in an instant.

“What is?”

“The attacks on Drake and me.”

“We’ve been over this, Damian.”

“I am not finished.” Jason, once again, found himself impressed with the balls the kid had. Cutting Bruce off like that had never needed well for him but Damian did it with the air of someone who knew irrefutably that he was right.

“Elaborate,” Tim was reduced to one-word sentences and Jason wondered how long he had been awake. The mini-Bruce rolled his eyes.

“The man behind this, and I am not saying it is the Joker, simply that it is entirely possible, set up those traps in the warehouse to target anyone trying to free Drake. However, the explosion in our part of the warehouse merely managed to distract us. There were traps but they were not activated.”

“Maybe you just didn’t trigger them?”

“No. That is not what happened. I am fairly sure that we were deliberately being spared. Because I was with Batman and you were with Red Hood,” he gestured towards Dick.

“What are you saying…” Tim phrased it as a question but Jason noticed the gleam in his eyes as if he had already figured it out.

“We were being watched. Batman would have been able to walk into that room without triggering the bomb that nearly took out Grayson. You on the other hand would have triggered the traps in our side of the warehouse because that was what he wanted.”

“He wants to kill the Robins,” Tim breathed out, a faint tremble in his voice.

“Yes. It is the ultimate revenge.”

“Kill the Robins, kill the Bat. If Batman watches his birds get killed, it has a greater effect than just killing him,” Dick said. The silence his statement followed was deafening.

“What does that have to do with me?”

“If you are really this dense, Todd, then you should give up on being a vigilante for the safety of this city.”

Tim, thank fuck for him, elaborated with another eye roll.

“He said in his message that he knows you’re alive and that he’s going to change that. For all intents and purposes, you are a Robin, whether you want to admit that or not.”

“Yeah no, I’m not- I can’t-“

“Jason,” Bruce interrupted him on his way into another panic attack.

“This is a family matter. And we are going to deal with it as such.”

The laugh that rippled through Jason was devoid of any humour. 

“Don’t cite family to me just ‘cause it’s convenient for you!”

But Bruce, for once, called him out on it, refusing to step aside and let him go like he so desperately wanted to. This was too much. He couldn’t stay. Not with _him_ on the loose and after them.

“You are part of this family, whether you like it or not!”

“Ah, but remember? Your son died in that pit!” It was cruel, Jason knew, to recite those words back to him. But they had clouded his head ever since that conversation and he just couldn’t listen to Bruce talking of family anymore. Not when it so clearly didn’t include him.

Or only did when the Bats needed it to.

Jason stormed out of the building, already mapping out the fastest way out of this godforsaken city. He should have left a long time ago, should have packed his things and gone to Mexico.

That’s what he was gonna do.

“Jason, wait!”

“What do _you_ want?” He couldn’t fathom why Dick would even want to talk to him after that night. And yet, here he was.

“We’ll get him.”

“No, you won’t! You fucking won’t! He’s the Joker! And I’m not- I can’t- damn it! I won’t wait around for him to k- to kill me again!”

Jason choked on the last words, green hair and a crowbar once again glaring down on him. He tried to root himself in the presence, holding onto Dick’s eyes as if they anchored him.

“We can take him down!” And the thing was, if Jason hadn’t been paying close attention, he would have missed the hitch in Dick’s breath, the way his eyes just so briefly darted to the side. It was enough for him to tell he was lying. Either to himself or to Jason, he wasn’t sure and it didn’t matter.

He had made his decision.

“I don’t give a fuck, Dickhead! As far as I can see, we’re screwed either way. And I’m not stickin’ around to find out what that shithead’s gonna do, so I’mma get the hell out of dodge!”

With that he turned around and fell into an easy run. He didn’t dare turn around for fear that one look at Dick would make him stop, reconsider.

Fear was his sole motivator.

* * *

Dick saw the fear in Jason’s eyes before the walls came up again. It didn’t mean he had forgiven all the harsh words, but he also couldn’t deny that he had said some things too that were just as hurtful. And Jason, pushing everyone that meant something to him away in typical Jason fashion, was scared to death.

That much was clear.

Jason whirled around before Dick could ask him to stay one more time. It hurt beyond words that Jason had gone without giving Dick the chance to make things right between them. That the Joker held such a power over Jason drove Dick crazy.

He would take the clown down himself if he had to, just so that Jason could come home. It wasn’t fair to him, being forced to leave his city, because some madman had him on his hitlist.

_This would end now. _   
  


* * *

Dick looked up at the building. He took in the opulent décor on the walls that screamed of money. He wasn’t really paying attention though, too caught up in his own head.

He couldn’t help but think, or rather hope, that even broken birds could still sing. The melody he had heard those nights when Jason had let his guard down, had been clear as glass and just a sharp around the edges.

Jason’s voice still resonated in his ears, working like a protective shield surrounding him when he walked through the door. His hands clenched around his escrimas. Maybe it was because he wasn’t concentrating, maybe because his heart was somewhere else, but he didn’t see the gun pointed at him until he heard the shot.

The pain hit him square in the chest. Somewhere in his head, Jason was laughing at him, making jokes about how it suited Dick to get shot like this. His heart had always been his biggest weakness after all.

Dick barely had time to make out his surroundings before his eyelids fluttered close. He smiled when, once again, he heard Jason talk to him.

_“Can’t leave you alone for five minutes, Dickie. Always getting yourself in trouble.” _

He wanted to apologise, to say he was sorry and that he would try to be better but his mouth refused to open. He hoped Jason knew anyway, how much he meant to Dick. 

Not broken, just damaged, he had said to Bruce that day.

And he had meant it.

_Jason…_


	3. Not broken, just hurt!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update. I got hit by a sudden fever and couldn't bring myself to write and I'm really sorry for taking so long. 
> 
> But, having said that, I really hope you enjoy the finale and would love to hear your thoughts on it.

_ **“I took it personal because I would have done it for you.”** _

Why was it always freezing cold outside when Jason needed to go on a grocery run? Did even the weather harbour a secret agenda against him, planning to strike him with a sudden cold that would confine him to his bed? 

The scarf Alfred had given him a year ago for Christmas, handmade, mind you, did keep his throat protected from the worst of it. However, the rest of him was not so lucky. Leather, he mused, did not make for a decent shield against rain.

After ducking into an alleyway, the ringtone of his phone made him curse. Was everyone out to get him tonight? 

“What?” he braked into the receiver without checking who it was he was talking to. A dire mistake, as it turned out when the caller barked back just as harshly. And in quite a familiar voice.

_“Jason.” _

_Fuck_, he’d know that drawl everywhere.

“Bruce?” Hadn’t he made himself clear the last hundred and twenty-one times that he cut ties with those damned bats for good?

“Dick is gone.”

Jason’s world stopped.

Numb. He felt numb. The raindrops suddenly fell in slow motion, frozen in time. He watched in a trance as they splattered down on the pavement, larges splashes of cold water against his boots. The cold didn’t reach him anymore, muted by the string of words spinning in his head on a loop.

“Jason? Are you listening?” He detected a rather insistent note and briefly couldn’t piece together why.

“Yes- sorry,” he didn’t even realise that he had just apologised for something that wasn’t even his fault, to the Bat nonetheless. 

“I think he’s gone against him alone.”

“Not even Dick would be this stupid.”

“Wouldn’t he? Even when you left town?”

“This isn’t my fault!”

“I’m not saying it is!” 

“Yes, you are-“

“No- and it’s not why I’m calling!” 

“Then what is?”

“I need your help!”

“Come again?”

A long suffering sigh, complemented by an eyeroll Jason definitely heard but couldn’t see, then:

“I need your help.”

“To do what? Can’t you just track him?” 

“His tracker must’ve been disabled, it’s- it’s not working…”

Jason cursed once more. What have you done, you idiot, he thought to himself. This wasn’t like Dick. He should have known better. Fuck. 

“Come on, B- there has to be something you can do-“ he said it with the air of someone taking this all too lightly, determined not to let Bruce hear how shaken he was.

“There isn’t-“

“So, you thought this was the time to call me? Desperate times and all-” an humourless laughter escaped him. When Bruce didn’t answer, suspicion settled itself firmly in his heart. 

“Hold on. Why _did_ you call me?”

“I need your contacts. Maybe someone has heard-“

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! You have some nerve, B!”

“It’s Dick.”

“So, when it’s important to you, it’s suddenly okay to make deals with criminals? When it’s convenient to you, my methods are suddenly not morally abhorrent?”

“That’s not what-“

“Yes! That’s exactly what you meant!”

“Will you do it?”

“Why should I?”

“Because he’s your brother.”

Jason bit out a laugh. Brother. Right. If Bruce only knew…

“Jason!”

“What!”

“Will you do it?” And now Bruce sounded anxious. It didn’t sit quite as well with Jason as he would have liked. 

“Yes.” he snapped, a little aggravated “On one condition.”

“Name it.”

“My way-“ this wasn’t up for discussion “We do this my way- or I’m out faster than you can fucking blink, got it?”

He didn’t leave time for Bruce to answer before saying: 

“Manor. At an hour.” 

With a furious click at having been once again dragged into their mess- stupid Dick!- he hung up. The desire to smash his phone was omnipresent but he refrained. He had started to really like this one, would be a pity to destroy it.

* * *

Jason chose to arrive by kicking the door in, announcing his entrance loudly to the manor. Somewhere down a corridor, he heard the replacement curse and he chuckled to himself. He had, somehow, on the way there managed to convince himself that Dick couldn’t be in real danger, despite the fact that his unconscious continued to remind him that Bruce wouldn’t have called otherwise.

“Todd…” the little demon greeted him with a raised brow that made any doubt he was indeed Bruce’s son in Jason’s mind vanish.

“Thought you left,” the replacement came around a corner with a large cup of coffee in his hands.

“Changed my mind,” Jason grinned at him with too many teeth involved. It didn’t scare the kid, unfortunately. It was also when Bruce appeared, sporting an expression between relief and nervous.

“Jason.”

“What do we have-“ he preferred not to make small-talk, thank you very much.

“Nothing much,” Tim threw over his shoulder from where was eyeing the computer. Jason strained his neck a little to see if something struck him as odd but nothing did. Great, they were going in blind. 

“What if he’s just outta town? Huh? Maybe he’s taking a break-“

“Like you did?” Hold it for a second, Jason thought, the biting accusation in Damian’s tone was by no means necessary. He hadn’t just skipped town out of boredom, for fuck’s sake.

“Somethin’ wrong with that?” He pointedly asked, daring the spawn to open his big mouth-

“Not if you are a coward.”

Jason was on him in an instant, left fist clenched, breathing hard.

“Say that again, you little shit-“

Bruce broke it off before anyone could get seriously hurt, much to both of their dismay. Meanwhile, Tim had located the last position Dick’s tracker had been active at. Jason did recognise the part of the city but not the building in particular. Upon asking Tim- with all due politeness, of course- to zoom in closer, he was met with reluctance.

“Why the hell not?”

“Because I can’t…”

“I really hate to repeat myself but you make it awfully difficult.”

“Well, I’d like to see you try getting a clear picture of a doorway in the middle of the city when it’s foggy and about fifteen feet away.”

And maybe Jason had miscalculated slightly, not meaning to truly anger the replacement, merely annoy him a teensy-tiny bit. Well, that had backfired.

“I still don’t see what I’m doing here.”

“You and me both, Todd,” Tim muttered darkly from his seat. 

“Use your contacts. Ask around if someone has seen him.”

“So, we’re grasping for straws here? Just to be clear.” He couldn’t quite keep the bite out of his voice.

“We- it’s complicated,” yeah no, it wasn’t as much complicated as it was Bruce admitting to having no clue what to do, in a damn poor way. And Jason would have relished in that, in them needing him- the black sheep, the disappointment, the outlaw- to do their dirty work.

If it wasn’t Dick.

But because it was Dick that was missing, and not somebody else, Jason couldn’t bring himself to enjoy it.

“Just gimme what you’ve got and I’ll handle it!” He played it up a little, as if all of this was such a hardship and he was doing all of them a big favour- which he was, don’t get him wrong, but he had a feeling that he would have done it for Dick either way.

And, judging by the smug grin on Drake’s face, the kid knew it too.

* * *

Jason spent a considerable amount of time searching for shadows amongst Gotham’s worst. It had just started to wear him down, crashing drug bust after drug bust, intimidating Mafiosi and threatening some of the locals, when an opening presented itself. He was fists deep into an interrogation when he spotted a familiar face poking out in the pile of unconscious gangsters.

“Carl?” He hadn’t even realised while beating him up, it turned out. Maybe because the guy should be behind bars at the moment and Jason hadn’t gotten wind about a break-out.

“_Hood?_” the man had always been one to change sides to the biggest bully on the playground. And while that was not a quality Jason appreciated on any other day, tonight, he couldn’t have stumbled upon a better guy.

Last time, Carl de Martino had been caught blackmailing a politician that hadn’t been as squeaky clean as he would have liked Gotham’s elite to believe. Jason had thrown both of them into B’s and Dick’s lap respectively. What a jolly good night that had been.

Needless to say, Carl probably wasn’t all too fond of him at the moment. As if Jason cared. He pulled him up by the collar none-too-gently before shaking him so that his teeth clacked against each other. 

“Whatever you heard, Hood- I wasn’t involved…” Carl scrambled for something to block Jason’s fists with but didn’t succeed. 

“Why’re you here then, hu, Carl? Taking an evening stroll?” 

“No! No, I wanted to-“

“Listen here, you little shit! I don’t care what business of yours I’ve just broken up or that you somehow bailed your cheap ass out of jail on early leave.” he punctuated that by ramming his knee into Carl’s stomach so hard, the guy toppled over, spitting and coughing like he’d been strangled. 

“What I do care about is whether or not you’ve seen some movement of a certain Bird around East End, got it? So, I’mma leave you an easy, clean choice here because I’m such a nice guy, so listen up: either the next sentence out of your mouth is all you know about that bird, or I’mma kick your teeth so far down your throat, you’ll feel them all the way in your legs tomorrow.” His voice had remained perfectly calm, no need to strain himself. Like an afterthought, he leaned in close and stage-whispered: 

“Provided you’ll feel _anything_ tomorrow.”

If Jason was not mistaken- and he rarely was in such circumstances- then the wheels in Carl’s head were turning rapidly.

“I- I don’t-“ Jason rolled his eyes and planted his knife firmly in Carl’s thigh. The scream that accompanied the action should have made Jason’s ears ring but he was not really focussed enough to realise it.

“Wrong answer. Wanna try again?”

“I swear-“

Without hesitation, Jason used his right to deliver a wicked uppercut. Carl’s head flew back far enough for a garbled sound to be the only thing audible.

“Alright! _Alright_-“ Carl held up his hands in a defensive gesture, waving the metaphorical white flag. Jason didn’t loosen his hold in the slightest.

“There’s been word that the clown has him in 42. Shouldn’t be hard gettin’ him out, though. ‘s far as I’ve heard, he’s barely breathin’ anway. Not sure what the clown’ll do with a half-dead bird, but what have you.” Carl had stopped rambling to stare at Jason in a manner that made him uncomfortable.

“Didn’t fancy you’d take an interest, though, Hood. What’s the matter? Suddenly keen on keepin’ tabs on the bats?” it earned him a fist to the nose and a hit to the larynx.

Having deemed his job done, Jason finally let go while swiping his hands clean on Carl’s suit. He really hated getting blood on his gloves, inevitable as it was.

“Always fun making business with you, Carl-“ he hit him on the shoulder in a mockery of a friendly pat and turned heel.

The muttered “Fuck you too, Hood…” only went uncommented because Jason had places to be.

Urgently.

* * *

The streets were horrendously full tonight, even more so than they should be. What a tragedy, Jason thought sarcastically while pressing the horn three times in a row to make the asshole in front of him “move, damn it, or have you won your licence in the fucking lottery?”- mission “save the Dick” would be cancelled because the anti-hero was stuck in traffic.

Just then, someone tapped him on the shoulder. Jason was not proud to admit that he punched the guy square in the face without asking what he wanted first.

When his brain caught up with his fist, he had the good grace to offer a weak apology.

“Sorry, kiddo-“

“There’s something seriously wrong with you, you know that, Todd? Jesus fucking Christ!” The replacement, hanging down from the batjet on a fucking ladder like a flying Grayson resurrected, covered his mouth with one hand while blood dripped down between his fingers.

Jason, a little sheepishly, parked his bike in an alley, praying to someone up there he’d find it in that exact spot when he came to collect, climbed up after Tim. If part of Gotham’s rush-hour was concerned with a jet hovering above them, they didn’t let it show. 

“What? You’ve opened up a uber service since the last time we talked? I mean, not that I don’t appreciate being saved from that hell mouth down there but I’m pretty sure I was supposed to check in at the cave in an hour max. ‘m not late, am I?”

Jason couldn’t help the sarcasm. This was highly unusual even for them and he didn’t do well with unusual. Not that he did well with most other things, but routine did comfort him a little. 

“Surprisingly enough, Todd, no, you’re not,” Damian spat, with an added “like usually” unsaid but still palpable in the air around him.

“How’d you even find me?”

“Tracker,” Tim waved a handy little device at Jason, who groaned and rolled his eyes in answer. He should have known. Really. This wasn’t a surprise and he should have anticipated it but something about this mission had made his mind go haywire. He suspected, deep down, that it might have something to do with Dick, but that thought was squashed back to where it had come from instantly.

“Anything else you planted on me while I wasn’t looking? Microphone, comms, hell why not a whole arsenal of bugs while you’re at it.”

“We did.”

Jason was going to wreck something. Seriously. Or throw someone out of this damn jet. Himself probably.

Why had he not checked his jacket like he usually did?

“Good thing too, or you would’ve gone off to 42 without telling us he was…” the replacement trailed off, the full impact of what he was about to say hitting not only him but Jason too.

“He’s not dead.”

“We don’t know that.” 

“He’s not!” If he said it firmly enough, surely it would stick, right? Right.

“Jason.”

Oh, how he hated Bruce’s snarl. That sanctimonious mix of feigned calm with an added sparkle of superiority. Just what they needed.

“What’s the plan then, huh?” He really didn’t want another argument with the bats when he would have to later work together with them. That would only cost him nerves he didn’t have to spare.

“We’ll hit the roof in five. Teams of two.” Jason was a simple guy and he appreciated clear directions like anyone else, but a little more detail wouldn’t hurt, you know? 

“And no,” Bruce added when Jason discreetly tried to jump out of the jet early. 

“You won’t go in alone.”

“Yeah, ‘cause your teams worked so well last time.” Jason muttered under his breath but stomped over to the replacement nonetheless. 

“Ready?” Bruce didn’t wait for an answer before jumping out, the mini-demon close on his heels. He and Bruce took some henchmen out without problem but then Damian’s path got block and it was suddenly Bruce and Jason back to back. They took one look at each other, nodded in silent understading and resumed fighting.

They fell into a routine neither had executed with the other in years. It startled both of them, how easily they fit back together as if not a day had passed. Jason didn’t need to look to know Bruce was there beside him, swinging at the guy with everything he had and more. Bruce didn’t even hesitate to turn his back to Jason, handing him his taser when another goon approached him.

Like a well-oiled machine, they made their way deeper into the mansion. Jason’s new style gave them the advantage more than once while Bruce’s mere presence frightened some on their way into submission. 

* * *

Once again, Jason thought this whole manoeuvre shouldn’t have been this easy. Yes, they walked into a rain of gunfire the minute they stepped inside, but those men either didn’t know how to aim or didn’t know how to shoot and both would be frankly embarrassing. Especially, if they had really been hired by the clown.

It didn’t take long before they split up, jogging down corridors and hallways, disarming henchmen left and right. Jason felt like being in a maze and Dick was the treasure guarded by the minotaur.

That Minotaur, it turned out, was metal door and around twenty-five heavily armed henchmen. And Jason, under his helmet, didn’t even break a sweat. Tim held his own rather well too, Jason had to admit. The kid was agile and precise in a way Jason had been back in the day. It stunned him long enough for one of the idiots to get a lucky shot in at him. He toppled over while running, letting out a soft “uh” when he felt the bullet move uncomfortably against his shoulder. He really should have worn that damned suit Dick had given him.

He just- he hadn’t been able to bring himself to. Not when he was back to his old methods- even if Bruce had approved them this time- he still felt like defiling the bat symbol for some bizarre reason.

Why his moral compass had had to kick in then, he was not completely sure but it had and here he was with a bullet hole in his shoulder and pain spreading towards his left arm.

Jason saw Tim pause and wanted to urge him on when the kid suddenly asked: 

“You alright?” Jason wouldn’t bet on it, but he could have sworn he detected a slight sign of worry in Tim’s voice. 

“I’ve had worse,” he couldn’t suppress the grin even though neither of them could see it under the helmet.

Without meaning to, he added: “Obviously.”

“Can you stop saying that as if that makes it okay? Because it really doesn’t!” Tim barked out from somewhere to his right. Jason didn’t know what to do with that so he huffed and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me!”

Huh. Kid was smart, had to give him that. And a little scary.

“Seriously, Todd-“ Jason saw him hesitate, scratching his head.

Then Drake extended his hand as if to greet him and said: “Jason.”

Jason didn’t have any idea why they were changing to first name basis. Was that supposed to be a good thing? 

“Dr- Tim?” He couldn’t help the question barely concealed in his tone. This encounter was too much out of left field for him to have any clue on how to behave.

“I don’t want you dead.”

“Okay?”

“They don’t either. Dick especially. And I want you to know that it’s a little nerve-wrecking to hear you talk about it like you wouldn’t mind. Like getting shot doesn’t hurt or you don’t care that it does.”

Jason didn’t get a chance to reply because that was the exact moment hell rained down on them in the form of a second wave of armed henchmen and while they didn’t aim any better than the first, Jason started to feel exhausted.

In the back of his mind though, he kept replaying the words, to reflect if they had been real or part of an illusion. God knew, maybe the pit did get his wires crossed a little.

He didn’t come to a consensus.

* * *

After what felt like riding a rocket through all of hell’s nine circles and then some, they reached a door, concealed by a container with suspicious silence behind it. Jason took a chance and kicked it down. He hissed when the impact of his foot against it made the bullet that had lodged itself in his kneecap shift painfully.

Tim helped him hobble inside, but let go when a knife flew right at their heads.

They ducked to the side, Jason, being unsteady on his feet unfortunately made acquaintance with a wall while Tim had better luck and managed a deep dive behind another container. Following that up, the sound of an AK-47 echoed through the building and Jason felt the anger grow inside him. He had it up to here with those guys. 

Precisely when he shot the guy who was still firing at them like a literal madman, he spotted him.

“Dick?” He couldn’t help the break in his voice or the worry clearly perceptible in it. Because Dick- Dick didn’t look good. And that was even an understatement.

Meanwhile, Tim disarmed another henchman, without Jason lifting a finger to help. Silence fell over them. 

They exchanged glances and broke into a sprint, both of them reaching Dick in record time and almost simultaneously.

“Dick? Hey…” Tim gently cradled his head in his hands, breath hiccoughing a little when Dick remained motionless. A wound was glaring at Jason where he tried to cut Dick loose from his bonds with shaking fingers.

“He’s not… Jason, he’s not responding…” The panic in Tim’s voice made Jason’s hairs rise on the back of his neck. 

“Move over,” he barked, shoving Tim aside. He hadn’t meant to, not really anyway, but his sole focus was on Dick. 

“Dickie- hey, Big Bird.” He hated how he couldn’t concentrate enough to feel a pulse. His eyes burned and his breath came short, counting seconds to minutes and praying with all his might that something would happen. If he would just open his eyes-

_“J-jay?” _

Jason felt his knees give out so suddenly, he didn’t have time to prepare himself. Strong hands hauled him back up and it was that moment, he realised Bruce had stormed in. He and his pet-demon looked worse for wear but not gravely injured, so, there was that. 

“Hey Bruce…” Dick sounded a little loopy, like there was not enough blood in his brain to function properly. 

“Dick-“

“Feel funny…”

“You’ve been shot.” This time, Jason sympathised with the biting tone with which Bruce snapped at Dick. He himself had a few things to say about that. 

“Forgot.”

“You _forgot_?”

Tim interrupted the argument that was about to unfold. 

“Guys- Alfred’s nearly there with the batmobil. We should get going.”  
Jason, while being relieved Dick was at least capable of talking, something he wouldn’t be caught dead admitting, couldn’t quite ignore that little voice in his head that kept telling him to rethink the situation.

He still had that feeling that something was off, had been off since the very first attack on Damian. Contradictory was written all over those attacks. Brilliant and yet easy to dismantle, dangerous yet easy to escape, heavily armed yet none of them were dead. His stomach refused to settle even when Alfred stitched Dick back together.

Something was off.

He just had to find out what.  
  


* * *

Alright, Jason conceded, maybe Tim had been right in arguing that neither of them was ready to go back on patrol so soon, much less with each other, but hey, here they were. The office they were currently snooping belonged to the vice mayor of Gotham city and would have been on Hood’s target list anyway. But after tracking down a rather promising intel to a dead end, they, while grasping for straws, at least managed to find a clue pointing more or less directly towards the guy.

Granted, it wasn’t much to go off on but Jason had needed to clear his head and Dick had begged to join him. He had even brought out the puppy eyes. And Jason, like an idiot, had agreed- grudgingly.

“You’ve got something?” Dick asked from where he was bent over in a rather bad angle. Bad for Jason, that is, because he had a clear view of Dick’s ass. And that did no one in here any good.

“Nah,” it had been a long shot any way. The guy had managed to hold up his image of the perfect politician for five years since he had ominously emerged from the masses. Jason didn’t trust him as far as he could spit but then again, apart from Gordon, he didn’t trust anyone in a position of power around here.

“Yeah, me neither,” Dick sounded far too chipper for someone supposedly still in pain from getting turned into a swiss cheese. And damn it, Jason still couldn’t let that one go. If there was one thing he never wanted to see again, it was Dick’s pale skin covered in blood. So, while breaking and entering may not have been the right moment to bring it up, Jason couldn’t help himself and blurted out:

“I don’t need you to fight my battles, Dickhead.”

Dick didn’t miss a beat and continued to rummage through the papers on the bottom of the drawer he was bent over. 

“You said you wouldn’t come back unless he was gone. I had to try.” 

As if that made any sense. What was he even supposed to- _you know what?_ Two could play that game. And because Jason was entirely sure Dick must have been taking the piss on him, he responded in kind. 

“Oooooh, miss me, Big Bird?”

“Yes.” Silence followed, since Jason had no- absolutely no- idea what to say. 

Dick shrugged, the motion made him flinch when it tugged at the stitches in his skin.

_“What?”_ He really tried not sounding too alarmed but the expression on Dick’s told him exactly how much he had missed the mark. 

“Yes. I missed you. I wanted you to come home. Because this is your city and it’s not fair that he can-“

“Life’s not fair, Dickie,” Jason croaked out, not even the platitude passing his lips as easily as he wished it would have. 

“I know.”

While Dick went back to his rummaging, Jason pondered. Then, because he really should have said it earlier and because he wanted to avoid situations like this in the future, he convinced himself to grind out. 

“Don’t do it again.”

“What?” 

“Don’t do it again.” Dick rolled his eyes. Which was uncalled for and entirely unfair.

“Do what again?” Apparently, Dick’s brain had taken a hit too, so Jason spelled it out for him in terms even Dick would understand.

“Put yourself in danger for me. It’s not worth it.” Upon realising what had just come out of his mouth, Jason turned around, ready to bolt. Dick was faster. 

“It is,” he said and the rise in Jason’s shoulders dropped a fraction. To keep this conversation from getting even more awkward than it already was, Jason let a grin play around his lips and quipped back:

“Nah- you dying is not helping anyone, so just don’t, alright?”

* * *

It was the moment Dick had finally started to breathe normally again after that intense confrontation with a seemingly worried Jason when the alarm bells deafened them.

He barely had time to grab to copies off the table before Jason bodily shoved him out of the window. Luckily for them, Jason had been prepared for this to happen and eased them down rather gently. Dick still hit the pavement a little too hard, even though Jason had taken most of his weight, and felt the stitches in his chest pull in warning.

They fell into a sprint side by side, wheezing when they turned the fifth corner. Dick held Jason back when he wanted to cross another street. He really needed a break. 

“I’mma call Bruce, he can send a uber.” 

They waited in comfortable silence, which was not something Dick would have ever deemed possible to have with Jason. That is, until he found himself being stared at from the side. He turned his head and sure as hell, there it was, the murderous rage in Jason’s eyes that Dick had become so uncomfortably familiar with in the last months. Before he had any time to contemplate what he had done to upset the man, he realised he had completely pulled his stitches out while running.

He scrunched his nose when he saw the mess on his suit and felt quite uncomfortable tracing the blood stains tinting the fabric. A long shower would be heaven right now. He couldn’t suppress the flinch that went through his body, when he touched one of the cuts in his skin by accident.

Apparently, that was when Jason lost the last of his brain cells and stalked over in that menacing way of his. Dick wanted to back up, ask what was wrong, but never got to. Because Jason, with a firm grip, pulled him in and crashed their lips together in a bruising kiss.

“Jay-“ 

“Shut up!” Before Dick could protest any further, he was being backed into a wall, the impact hurting a little. 

“We shouldn’t-“ He tried again, fully aware that this fell into the toxic-behaviour category and that he should put a stop to it, especially considering their last real conversation before Dick had decided to throw caution out of the window and get himself shot.

The words Jason had spat at him still had their claws deep inside him and tugged at his heart whenever he thought back to them. It wasn’t like he didn’t know Jason had most probably said them because he had been backed into a corner but that didn’t take away the hurt they had caused. And given his own response, Jason should be just as conflicted kissing him.

That this was not the case, was apparent when Jason whispered against his lips, a broken little sound that made Dick’s insides clench. 

_“Why?” _

Dick’s knees threatened to give out under him, if from exertion, adrenaline or something else entirely, he wasn’t sure. But he found the strength to push lightly against Jason’s chest, watching with a stabbing pain as the dark look returned to his features.

“Whatever,” Dick didn’t even get the chance to rectify the situation and he briefly wondered why Jason always purposefully misunderstood him. Maybe, he realised with some finality, that this was just how Jason worked and it made sense, kind of.

If Dick was being honest, he hadn’t given Jason a reason not to believe the worst.

None of them had.

And while he was still leaning against the wall, breathing hard, he vowed to make things right. And he would start by telling the others to stop treating Jason like they had, like he didn’t count, wasn’t family, when he so clearly deserved to be.

The resolution filled his brain with happy emotions. He let his knees give out then, tired of forcing himself to stand up straight. His kneecaps creaked in protest when they hit the ground.  
  
  


* * *

And now the idiot had passed out. Jason was fuming and not above throwing curses left and right while picking Dick up from the ground and carrying to a van where Tim hovered behind the wheel. Bruce commented, leaning against the van blasé as you please, with a raised brow, obviously just as unhappy with how this evening had turned out as Jason himself was.

Upon closer inspection of the few papers Dick had managed to snuggle out, the only thing they knew now that they hadn’t known before was that the mayor had bought some property around East End.

That was it. Nothing more and while Jason would have loved to have something on the guy, this wasn’t it.

“Not my fault,” he said when Bruce carefully removed Dick’s costume to stitch him back together. 

“Didn’t say it was.”

And he hadn’t, which confused Jason a little. A year ago, it would have been the first words out of his mouth. Who knew? Maybe Bruce was having a good day. Or maybe he was just tired and Jason was annoying him. Could be both.

Jason was spared from further pondering by Dick’s timely return to consciousness.

“Hey B…”

“You’ve got to stop pushing yourself when you’re not ready…” Bruce mumbled while he gently padded at the smears of blood on Dick’s chest. Jason, meanwhile, felt a sudden uncomfortable pull in his stomach, as if he was intruding a private moment. He thought back to all the times he had come home hurt, even as Robin, when Bruce had thrown an insult at him, telling him that he needed to train more.

Dick seemingly never had gotten that as evident by the scene displayed here. The sour bite of jealousy rose in his throat and he had trouble talking himself out of it. Without his consent, his mind decided to show him what his life would have been like if he had been a little more like Dick, a little less hot-headed, a little quicker on the uptake.

Maybe Bruce would have looked at him differently. Maybe-

Suddenly, the air around him got a too heavy to breathe in properly. 

“I’mma head out,” Jason snapped before jumping out of the vehicle while it was still going at full speed. He hadn’t really considered its momentum, which would explain while he crashed the pavement so spectacularly.

It hurt less than the thoughts in his head did.

* * *

When Bruce rounded the corner and halted in his steps upon spotting Dick leaning against the kitchen counter and munching on some cereal, Dick knew this wouldn’t go over well.

“Jason?” Even for Bruce this was kind of a bit short and even though Dick could take a wild guess what he was really asking, he played dumb. 

“What about him?”

The raised eyebrow indicated that Bruce saw right through him.

“Are you two-“ the pregnant pause that followed confirmed Dick in his own confusion, not completely clear which label would fit.

Eventually, he settled on: “Involved?”

Dick snorted into the bowl. 

“Sure. Let’s go with that.”

“Dick.” The stern call of his name made his hackles rise. 

“What? You’re acting as if you haven’t seen-“

Bruce was obviously thinking back to that moment and, judging by his face, wishing to unsee what he had witnessed. Not that Dick could fault him. He had walked in on Bruce and one of his conquests more often than was probably healthy for his psyche.

“That doesn’t mean I know what this entails…” And he wouldn’t, Dick mused. From his vantage point leaning against the van and waiting until Jason had backed up, just before Dick’s knees had given out, Bruce had watched them kiss with an unreadable look on his face. Dick had tried his best to keep Jason from finding out.

“What this entails? Did you take a wrong turn somewhere or why are you talking like a sixty-year old?”

“Dick.” Ah, the disapproving tone. But Dick couldn’t help beating around the bush, not when he himself wasn’t sure what the answer to the question was. 

“I don’t know, alright? We kissed and- uh- did other things and I like him…” 

“You like him.”

“Yes. Sorry if that’s not okay with you.” Maybe he didn’t need to be so passive aggressive but it was the easier route.

“That’s not what I said.”

“Then what’s the point of this? You’re acting like we’re not both consenting adults…”

“I’m not sure if he is.”

“He’s over 21. That is an adult.”

“Legally.”

“What do you mean legally?”

“I- Dick, you and I both know he’s not stable. And I’m not sure if- whatever this is you are doing- is the best for him at the moment.”

“B, I love you, but seriously, what the _hell_ are you talking about?”

“He might not be ready for that level of intimacy, or commitment.”

“You think I haven’t thought about that? You think I don’t know who he is?” Dick was working himself up, getting more and more upset.

“Believe me, I know exactly who he is and I’m well aware that he probably never will be a hundred percent. And that’s okay because after what he went through I don’t expect him to just shrug it off.”

“He’s not good with closeness.”

“And where do you think he learned that from?”

“I never intended-“

“Still did it. He’s alone and he’s scared and he doesn’t know how to get close to someone. Because you never showed him how.”

“So don’t you dare think I don’t know who I fell in love with, because-“ Dick froze. Where the fuck had that come from? God, he hadn’t meant- oh shit- he hadn’t meant to just blurt it out like that.

“You love him?”

He answered with a very eloquent “uh”.

“I just want you to be sure you know what you are getting yourself into. For yourself as much as him.”

“You just don’t fucking get it! It’s not that he can’t love- he’s just- it’s just that he’s afraid to!”

Maybe, if he said it loud enough, often enough, it would stick. Bruce didn’t rise to the challenge, glare cold and distant as if Dick had just recited a grocery list to him. But then again, that was Bruce’s usual response to things.

His fists balled nonetheless and he actively pushed down the need to hit something. It had been a long time ago since he had last given in to this urge to hurt. Even as an officer of the law, even as Nightwing himself, he handled criminals with care. The real bad guys they all, Bruce included, even if he would never have the guts to admit it, left to Red Hood. And Dick had taken a long time to realise how fucked up that was.

Jason didn’t deserve any of this.

“I know that, Dick. And I know, I’m- responsible for the most of it. But I want both of you to be careful.”

“Both of us.”

“Yes. _Both_ of you. I don’t know how he came back but he did and-“ Dick saw Bruce heave a sigh before continuing

“I won’t lose him again.”

“Just a suggestion, and maybe I’m way off the rails here but shouldn’t you tell _him_ that?”

“He doesn’t have any reason to believe me…”

“Then _show_ him. Show him, you care. Because he knows how fleeting words can be. But action, he understands.”

“I don’t want to force him to stay…”

“You don’t have to. Just give him the choice. Let him know he can come home if he ever wants to, not because you need something from him or because you want to keep an eye on him but because you miss him- we all miss him…”

“Last time I tried, he ran out…”

“You called him Jaybird. What did you think was going to happen after that? You know- you know what that does to him…”

“I- it just came out.”

“It just came out?”

“Yes. I saw him in the kitchen with Alfred when I came in and he looked-“ Bruce heaved a sigh, pinching his nose.

“He looked so young all of a sudden. It threw me back…”

That was not the answer Dick had anticipated. It made his chest ache a little, if for Jason or for Bruce, he wasn’t all too sure. Probably both of them.

“He didn’t do well after, you know?”

“I’m glad you were with him.” Dick didn’t doubt it. He had been shocked at the state Jason had been in when he had finally found him. Bruce had been adamant he’d go after him, worried what his words may have caused.

And he had been right. Jason had been a wreck, on the verge of a mental break down and so out of it that he’d gone with Dick to his safehouse. Dick remembered the way Jason had looked passed out on his couch, how he’d come to cuddle with him and how Dick had ruined it by asking for too much.

“Maybe I can ask him to dinner?” The question ripped Dick out of his thoughts. A warm bubbly feeling fought of the cold those memories had brought over his body.

“Sure. That’s- that’s a great idea.” 

It was. Jason would probably- okay he would probably not love it, but maybe it’d be a step in the right direction.

“Just- maybe don’t talk to him about-“ Dick made a grand gesture with his arms that threatened the bowl in his hands to spill over. 

“Why not?”

“Heh- we- uh- we didn’t really talk about it all that much…” He admitted without meeting Bruce’s eyes. Jason had been pretty adamant last time that they were nothing and especially not an item, so Dick would need to make his intentions with the younger man clear before Bruce gave him the shovel talk.

That would only scare him out of this- whatever it was- even more. And while Dick was tentatively sure that Jason felt at least something for him that wasn’t utter hatred, he would prefer to have that conversation on his terms and not with Bruce’s shadow hovering over them- metaphorically, of course.

Although, Dick could see the man actually peeping in through the window just to make sure neither of his birds got hurt in the process.

God knows there had been a few occasions where they had been damn close.  
  


* * *

Jason had received a rather strange call two nights after taking his leave out of a moving van. Bruce stuttering what was not an attractive thing and, on top of that, very suspicious. Jason prepared himself for the worst when he walked into the manor and was greeted, not by Alfred, but by the bat himself in jeans and a t-shirt. His mind screamed at him right then and there to get the fuck out because that sure as hell had to be an imposter, and a bad one at that. 

“Bruce?”

“Jason, thank you for coming.” 

Jason suddenly felt very much in the wrong place- dimension even. He couldn’t remember the last time Bruce had sounded this forth-coming upon his arrival. 

Cautiously, he let himself be led into the dining room, spluttering a little when he saw the dinner table packed with three different courses.

“What-“

“I thought we could have dinner…”

Yeah no. Bruce was holding something back, no question about it. He just needed to figure out what it was. 

“Sure.” Jason ensured not to let his suspicion show on his face, keeping it carefully blank while his grip around the knife in his pocket tightened. 

Bruce, after Jason had sat down opposite of him, proceeded to scoop something or other onto Jason’s plate that Jason didn’t pay attention to. He was busy tracking each movement, ready to make a run for it. 

“You still like the casserole?” Bruce’s fake chipper mood was more obvious than Dick in a fake moustache. Still, Jason nodded, teeth grinding to keep himself from making a comment. His thoughts were running amok in his head, showing him a variety of scenarios of what was happening here that ranged from alien abduction to cyborgs. There was just no natural explanation for Bruce behaving the way he did.

This was a trap.

It had to be. 

“I wanted to ask you something…” Bruce continued on and that was precisely when it clicked in Jason’s head like someone had punctured a balloon next to his ear. The sudden pop cleared each theory from his brain until only one remained.

Of course, that’s what it was. He needed his help. And by the looks of it, whatever Bruce wanted him to do, whoever he wanted Jason to go against, it would likely get him killed all over again.

Fuck this, he decided.

“No. Nada. Niente. Nein. Pick one and run with it, I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck if there is a new bad guy on the block that you lot are too uptight to take down and want me to do your dirty work. This is a fucking two-way street and I’m sick of being treated like a goddamn doormat. Either you stop using me to have things your way or I swear to every fucker that is still listening, you will never hear from me again! You are all about family when it’s convenient for you. We need you, Jason. We’ll do this together, Jason. Family my ass. The last time I looked, this family didn’t give a rat’s ass about what happened to me.

Oh right, you did, because you needed me as back-up and as soon as this was over, the only one that gave a damn was the dickhead over here and the replacement.

But my own fucking adoptive father? No sir. Because why would you even ask if I was alright? Because why even care? Right? You have serious issues, you know that? I fucking died, Bruce! Did that ever really get through that thick head of yours? That I was alone in that warehouse waiting for death to come because I knew for a fact _you_ wouldn’t? How he beat me until I couldn’t even crawl towards the exit because every bone in my body was broken? And the only thought in my head was how I disappointed you? How he carved a fucking J into my cheek because I was his now? How when I woke up, I didn’t know if I should be happy or not?

Because I had nothing worth living for anymore? How that godawful woman fished me out of there and drilled me long enough for me to believe that my body was currency and that I deserved nothing in this world? Did you ever think about that?”

Bruce shook his head once, a look of utter shock on his face that Jason didn’t really take into consideration. It was enough to fuel him to go on.

“Didn’t think so! Because you don’t give a fuck about me! You never have! It was never about me! You needed a sidekick and I was the easiest option!”

“That is not true.” Bruce had the gall to say.

“Yes, it is!”

“No, Jason. It’s not. You’re right: I don’t know what happened to you and that I don’t fully understand how it affected you but I didn’t take you in because you were the easiest option. I wanted- you had so much fire in you- it reminded me of myself…”

“Of yourself? So, you decided to fuck me over too? Because that’s what you did to yourself-” 

“I know.”

“Great.”

“Jason-“ Bruce hesitated. It had Jason on pins and needles, not sure if he wanted to know what he was thinking about. 

“There is one thing that I would like to know. If you want to answer, that is…”

Jason made a “go ahead” motion with his hand.

“You didn’t come to me after you got back. And I just- you weren’t-“ he looked upset with himself for being unable to express what he wanted to say.

“Why didn’t you just come to me?”

“And say what? Hey, I know you already replaced me but I’m alive and I want my job back?”

“No!” As if that idea was so far-fetched. Jason had been 

“Then what? It’s not like I didn’t try to…“ 

“What do you mean, you tried to?”

“Do you think she let me go like this? With a pat on the shoulder and a cookie to-go?” Jason snapped his fingers, surprised when the action made Bruce flinch.

“I trained with her. I was trained _by_ her. Until there was only one thing in my mind, because it hurt to think about anything else. I wanted to kill. I wanted to make them hurt, to stop them from roaming the streets and taking more and more lives with them. I wanted to make _him_ hurt.”

“I understand that.”

“And you still chose him over me…”

“I didn’t choose anyone over you.”

“Yes, you did!”

“Jason-“

“No. Don’t you get it?” He couldn’t fight the burning in his eyes any longer. With a broken voice, he continued, softly, as if saying the words out loud would break something.

“I wanted you to be on my side!”

“And I was.”

“You were on your own side!”

“Jason-“

“Don’t ‘Jason’ me! I’m not a fucking kid!”

“But you _should_ be! You _should_ be a kid! You _should_ be fifteen years old and complaining about school and not- I never wanted- I wanted to protect you!”

“But you didn’t!”

“Don’t you think I know that? That I don’t deal with that guilt every day? Because I do, Jason! You were never supposed to-“

“Die?” It was as if someone had taken the wind right out of his sails. 

“Yes.”

“But you have to accept that I did. And that this is me now. I can’t go back. This is not- it doesn’t work that way.”

“I wish you could…” Before Jason could even speak up and say how much it hurt him that Bruce still didn’t accept him, the man continued.

“For _your_ sake. Because I took everything away from you and I will never forgive myself for that.”

Jason had nothing to say to that.

“And I understand that how I treated you when you came back was not- I made mistakes and I- I apologise for hurting you. There is no excuse for- hitting you. I know that.”

“Then why- why did you?” He had been so hurt, feeling like just one other criminal, like the Riddle or Scarecrow being hunted by Batman when all he had wanted was just a bit of understanding- help even.

“Because I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know what to do. You were always so angry. I couldn’t- I didn’t know how to help you and that made me frustrated. And when I got frustrated you pushed back, because that’s what you do and I know that. But I didn’t know what to do with all that- how to help you, make you feel safe.”

Jason did realise how much it must have cost Bruce to admit that. He still had to say what he was about to say. Because this was what it all boiled down to, what the crux of the issue always had been.

_“You can’t.”  
_

“What?”

“You can’t help me. There’s nothing- there’s nothing left…” The admission came out between clenched teeth and hands pressed firmly against his eyes. It hurt to speak, to breathe. He wanted- he wanted to be held, to be told it would all be alright.

But he knew, deep down that it would be a lie.

He couldn’t be fixed.

Because he was too damaged.

Broken.

* * *

Jason had made it to his safehouse on shaky legs and jumped right out of his skin when a dark figure greeted him in the poor excuse of a living room. 

“How was-” the figure- Dick, Jason corrected himself- stopped talking the second Jason had switched on the light.

“Jay?” 

“What the fuck are you doing here! Get out!” He’s about had it with those bats for one evening and he especially didn’t need Dick to witness another break down of his that was scheduled to set in right about now.

“Dinner didn’t go well, I take it?” God, did his voice have to be so gentle? Jason could barely take it. 

_Now, wait a goddamn minute._

He did a double take. 

“Dinner?”

“Yes. Weren’t you at the manor with Bruce?”

“Yeah but how- why?” He was missing something essential here. It worked to keep the suffocating feeling of hurt pushed down for the moment. 

“He asked me if it’d be a good idea…” 

A good idea.

_A good idea?  
_

What?

“Why would that be a good idea? He could have called.”

“What do you mean he could have called?”

“Then I would’ve told him where he can shove it!”

“Where he can- what are you talking about?”

“Come on! Don’t play dumb! He could have just told me he needed me to do something. There was no need to pull out a fancy dinner and play nice. That’s not what we do.”

“Jay-”

“And it’s not like I didn’t know, he was putting on a show! You should have seen the table, Dick! Like he was throwing a fucking gala or something.”

“Jason-”

“And he even had that casserole Alfred used to make. As if he can bribe me with food of all things. Who does he think I am?”

_“Jason!”_ Dick suddenly bellowed. Jason snapped to attention.

“Jesus fuck! What?”

“He didn’t want- you’ve got it wrong.” 

“I-” Jason was about to launch into another tirade that involved at least 12 different curse words, when he paused, taken aback.

“What?” Dick, with a long-suffering sigh and a sad look on his face, sat down heavily on the couch. 

“You’ve got it wrong. This was supposed to be dinner for just the two of you. Not because he wanted to bribe you but because- because he misses you…”

Hard no. He would not- could not- handle two such conversations on one evening. 

“Can you shut up?” it lacked his usual bite. He was too preoccupied by re-evaluating everything Bruce had said and done tonight. Bile rose in his throat that he couldn’t keep down anymore. He made it to the sink barely in time.

After wiping his mouth with trembling fingers, he turned back to face Dick but couldn’t quite look at him. 

“It’s okay, you know? Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.” Dick reached out to him, slowly as if to give him time to move away. When had he gotten so close?

Jason tried to speak up, to clarify why he had reacted the way he had:

“I didn’t-”

“I know- it’s alright…” He didn’t know if Dick’s gentleness made it worse. The lump in his throat clogged up even more, his chest constricted around nothing. 

“Dick-”

“Are you okay with me touching you right now?” The decision wasn’t easy. Jason wanted comfort, craved it even, but he wasn’t sure if he deserved it. In the end, he shrugged, trying to say without using words that he didn’t know. 

“I’m going to hug you now, alright?” Dick closed in on him slowly, deliberately. Jason appreciated the warning, braced himself until Dick’s arms touched his back, pulling him in close. He felt a breath leave him; his eyes started to burn.

The fight went out of him when Dick whispered soothing words into his ear.

* * *

The first clue of something being not right had been the letter on his doorstep. He had been occupying this particular safehouse for not even a week. Only Bruce had his address for emergencies belonging on to category eight or higher. And now he would need to burn it down because somebody else had obviously discovered his hiding place. To say Jason was not pleased put it lightly.

Then the second clue hit him over the head after opening the letter. He had scanned it before cracking the seal, obviously. The letter inside contained not only private information that had him hold onto the nearest wall for support but also an invitation.

_To: Jason Todd, former Robin _

_Dearest boy, _

_Seeing as we did not have the pleasure to iron out our many disputes, I would love to open my home to you for a nice little chat. For your untimely demise, for which I take full responsibility, I would like to apologise profusely. Even though, I must admit such interesting effects have taken hold of you after and I would be very keen to dissect your brain about it. I had been so glad to hear you had taken on the Red Hood and had tried to kill my old nemesis. But then, what must I hear? You have crawled back to him like a good little bird and that, my dear boy, has made me very upset. But let’s not reveal too much, shall we? _

_I have included the coordinates of a safe place for us to meet, just outside of Gotham city on Friday 7pm sharp. Do me a favour, dear Jaybird, and be on time. It is after all the timing that makes the joke, isn’t it?  
  
x King of Gotham _

Jason didn’t realise how violently his hands were trembling until the letter dropped to the ground.

He had to get out.

This safehouse needed to burn. He made quick work of his belongings, lit a match and watched as the house went up in flames. Any other day, he would have preferred a little more finesse, but he didn’t have time.

He called the one person he knew wouldn’t hang up on him. 

“Alfred? Defcon 10!” His bike roared when he kickstarted it.

After what felt like too long even while he hit the gas with all his might, he finally reached the manor. Right upon entering, he ripped off his helmet.

“He has my address, my name, my alias! I want him fucking dead!” he bellowed and found eight pairs of eyes staring at him with not as much shock as he thought he would find. 

“We figured,” Tim answered in a grave tone.

Dick explained through clenched teeth: “We got mail too.”

Jason didn’t know what to do with himself. 

“What does he have about you?”

“Our names. Well, apart from Bruce.”

“All of them?” He couldn’t believe it. Damian’s name especially had been top-top secret and under so many wraps it had taken even Jason five months to find out and only because he had bribed someone or other, into helping him.

“Yes. All of them. We don’t know how he did it. But he wants us all there.” 

“And by the looks of it, we can’t say no.”

“He knows my nickname…” Jason mumbled, a little overwhelmed with the situation. They were stuck.

“What do you mean?” Bruce spoke up with a sharp edge to his voice. Dick ripped the letter out of Jason’s hands. His eyes widened when they got caught on the line it said 

_“Jaybird…”  
_

Dick barely finished the word, when Bruce suddenly crashed his fist into the wall. 

“How does he know that? How the fuck does he know that! That isn’t possible!” Bruce’s cursing was one of the many signs of how completely fucked they were. 

“So, it’s really him?” Jason was afraid to even ask. Up to this point he hadn’t seen the man in person and had managed to tell himself it was an imposter but this- this letter changed everything. 

“He is dead! I saw him die! This is not the Joker!” Bruce had still not calmed down enough to stop yelling.

“Then how does he know that name? How, Bruce?!?” His hackles had risen steadily over the past hour and he had now reached his boiling point.

“I don’t know that! But it can’t be him!”

“Then figure it out! FUCK!”

“Guys!”

They both whipped around at the same time, glaring at Dick and at each other and asking in unison:

“What!”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“How can you say that? He-”

“No. Listen: yes, he has our names and he knew your safehouse’s address but we have a shot here. It’s a trap. We know that and he knows that we know but we’ve got two days to figure out everything we can before we go in there.”

“What we go in there and I don’t know- he blows us all up?” 

“I don’t think he will.” 

“Are you nuts?” Tim made a rude gesture with his hand that pretty much encompassed what Jason was silently thinking. Namely, that Dick had lost his marbles somewhere.

“He could have killed us just like that so many times already. But he didn’t. Because he has a plan. There is something he wants. We just have to figure it out before Friday.”  
  


* * *

Friday came before they had figured it out. They had gone on endless wild goose chases, interrogating half of Gotham’s population. Bruce had even stooped low enough to call Harley in- not that she had any idea what was going on either.

Tim had taken to stare at the clock at random intervals. Dick had started pacing once they had reached the 2-hour mark. Damian had thrown a tantrum twice today and was now sharpening his swords for the tenth time. Bruce was still out there and trying to get information.

Meanwhile, Jason had long ago accepted they were all doomed.

Time came to get moving. Even Alfred looked worried upon saying goodbye. Jason couldn’t fault him. The death march was playing in the air all around them. 

Five minutes before 7, they pulled up at a warehouse. It looked ordinary, nothing about it screamed death to any of them but then again, it probably wouldn’t.

“I don’t know what’s in there, but I want us to try and stay together. No solo performances, no martyrs.” Coming from Bruce, or any of them really, those words were full of hypocrisy. 

“I guess that’s it then?” Dick, forever optimistic Dick, sounded hopeless. It gave Jason the chills. 

“Let’s go,” he urged and was the first to climb out of the car. The double doors swung open the second his foot touched the ground. Backed by four bats, he entered. 

“Welcome, welcome,” a voice, loud and shrill, announced. Jason had heard it somewhere but it didn’t ring a bell. 

“How very kind of you to be on time. That will earn you a reward.” Jason didn’t like this, he didn’t like this one bit. 

He turned his head slightly, mouthed: “B-“

“I know. Keep moving, come on.” 

They walked through the hallway, ready to bolt at any second. Nothing happened, they went further, completely unharmed. Sweat gathered on Jason’s upper lip. His eyes travelled around the room, met with Dick’s and saw his own fear reflected there. He quickly looked away.

“Do come on. Don’t be shy!” The voice said. Jason hated the excitement audible in it. They reached a door, a massive one at that and Tim turned to Bruce, a quiver evident in his stance.

“Do we open it?” 

“I am so sorry. Do let yourself in.” The second the voice stopped talking, the door swung open. Jason took one step inside. One step. 

Something wet hit him in the face. He tried to rip it off, throw it away, but his arms already refused to work. 

**_“Jay!”_** He vaguely heard someone screech his name but didn’t have the strength to turn around.

The world around him went black.

* * *

Jason blinked into an empty room that reminded him strongly of a padded cell in Arkham. His heart did a double take and he had to remind it sternly where he was. Not that he wouldn’t have preferred Arkham to this. He would have. And that was not something he ever thought possible. Yet, here he was. 

He craned his neck, trying to see if he could use something in here to his advantage. As far as he could tell, the room was fairly small, completely empty, save for that weird smoke hovering around him.

Jason didn’t waste time thinking about the others. It would only upset him and he couldn’t risk that. 

Every moment now, he thought, something was going to happen. Maybe someone was about to come in or that voice would speak. He felt it, like someone was holding their breath. Keeping his senses sharp, he wandered around the room, tested the walls for some sort of exit. He refused to let the panic settle in when he didn’t find any.

The door opened just then and Jason was prepared to tell whoever had come in where they could shove it when his brain caught up with his eyes.

No.

_God, no.  
_

This couldn’t be.

“Miss me?” 

That voice. The hair- a sickly green- the coat, a deep purple- pale skin- a crimson smile.

Jason backed up, scrambled to get away.

This wasn’t true. The Joker was dead. 

“Oh, how nasty of you to say, little bird.” he came closer, steadily, with all the time in the world. Jason looked around in a haste. The door had fallen close, so he couldn’t go through there.

There were no windows, no other escape. He was caught like a bird in a cage, it occurred to him.

“Not happy to see me, I guess? Such a pity!” Jason shook his head. There wasn’t enough room between them. He had to do something. His stupid heart started racing, his vision got blurry. He needed to do something. Why wasn’t he doing something? 

Come on!

He charged with all he had. The Joker blocked the move easily, knocked him over until he was on the ground. His arms felt heavy, slower than they should be. What had they done to him? 

“You still haven’t figured it out, have you?” The Joker laughed manically, kicking against Jason’s stomach with the tip of his shoes. They had knives on them. Jason prayed his armour would hold up. It did. For a time. But the guy was persistent and Jason still unable to stand the fuck up.

“Come one, get up! This isn’t any fun if you won’t even fight back.” He was hauled up by the hair. A fist connected with his ribs. He felt one crack, coughed.

“Now, for the real fun part…” Jason tried the door, frantically pulling at the handle even though his hands wouldn’t work like he needed them to. 

He barely managed one kick at the door when something heavy hit him square on the back. He went down like a bag of rice, wheezing, unable to breathe. Harsh hands turned him over. His eyes zeroed in on the Joker holding a crowbar. He groaned, rolled away from the next hit.

“Now this is the spirit!”

The Joker laughed, his voice cutting into Jason like glass. He had to focus, ignore the images assaulting his senses. It was a little different than last time. He couldn’t see the Joker clearly. It was, as if his form was wavering, a little unsteady.

The crowbar came down on him again, breaking his knee. He screamed in pain, first instinct to cover the knee with his hands but thought better of it and blocked the next blow from hitting him on the head. He felt the bones in his arm burst into nothing, the splinters piercing the skin from the inside.

Still, his mind was preoccupied with that waver he had caught a moment before. Something wasn’t as it seemed to be. He didn’t have much time to analyse, careful to avoid another hit.

Jason let his gaze wander up and down the hideous figure hovering above him. He looked like the Joker and he sounded like him but there was something not right with him. The Joker wouldn’t wear that same jacket- his hair should be wet from the exhaustion by now. Even bleached skin should show signs of exertion, a blush, the ticking of a pulse, anything. But it didn’t.

He had remained motionless for too long. It cost him the integrity of his nose. Jason’s eyes watered, he tried to bite down on the pained scream in his throat but didn’t quite manage.

Concentrate, he forced himself.

Focus!

Where was the laugh, the blinking, the blown pupils? Where were the signs, he was really alive? 

Jason clung to those abnormalities like a lifeline.

He managed to crawl away a little, let his leg kick at what it could reach and it connected with something solid. The Joker fell down, cursing. 

The Joker didn’t curse.

Jason was sure, he hadn’t heard the guy curse ever. He’d make a joke, laugh. But he wouldn’t curse. He stared at the ceiling through swollen eyes and the smoke registered again. 

It all clicked in his head with a finality that frightened him.

What if he was seeing things?

What if he was only seeing the Joker because he had been convinced to meet him?

He had to be right. It was the only-

Every thought flew out of his head when a shot rang through the air. His armour didn’t hold against the force of a bullet. It went through him with rapid speed, missing his heart by two inches.

He doubled over, pressed a hand against it to stop the blood flow. 

Look at him, a tiny voice said in his brain. 

Really look at him.

The figure wavered again, as if the edges weren’t solid. Jason fixed his eyes on the crimson red, concentrated while the guy came close enough to grab his hair. He let his fists fly, hit whatever he could from his position, but he didn’t give it a hundred percent.

“Is that all you’ve got? The Big Bad Red Hood? The uprising drug lord of Gotham city? A weak little coward just like the rest of them!” Jason briefly wondered who he was talking to but then he saw the camera zooming in on them.

The guy turned around then, leaving his back to Jason completely unprotected. It showed how much in control he was, how he didn’t take Jason as a threat anymore. And he was right. Maybe Jason wasn’t a threat. But he had caught on and that was much more dangerous. 

“This is the man you’ve bowed down to! And look at him now!” He gripped Jason’s chin, forced him to look up. The camera followed the movement, focussed on Jason’s eyes, his face, bloody and beaten. 

“Look at him!” The knife buried itself into his skin, cutting until there was only blood in his vision and pain in his blood. 

“Not so bad anymore, are you, Red Hood?” Jason refused to give him the satisfaction. He paid for his cockiness with a cut to his shoulder. It didn’t hurt any less than the one on his face did. 

“Answer me!” The fury was evident in the man’s eyes. And Jason would take it, would take every inch of an opening he could get. Even if it was just to spite him. 

“F-“ he spat out, grinned “Fuck you!” 

“You know, Jaybird- I know you like to have the last word. But this time, you won’t get so lucky.” 

Yes, Jason thought to himself. 

_Talk.  
_

Talk for all eternity if you have to. 

It gave him time to think.

“See, your family are all fighting for their lives right now. But I chose you to witness my triumph. Of course, this will be sent to every available platform on the internet, and so will their deaths, but you are the only one I chose to tell this to. So, listen up.”

Jason couldn’t think about the others right now. If anything, the guy telling him the others were being attacked by henchmen meant they had a chance. That it cut Jason’s chances pretty slim, was of no consequence.

“I assessed your strengths after staging that first attack on the young Wayne-heir. That you stumbled in to save him like a knight in shining armour, was pure coincidence, but my trusted follower acted brilliantly. Taking Drake and watching you and the first Robin attempt to free him was quite amusing, I will give you that…”

Jason concentrated on getting his breath under control. The images in front of him were still spinning and so was the room. He tried to see beyond the illusion the smoke must have been showing him but his eyes wouldn’t quite focus.

“You’re not listening, Jaybird.” This time, the crowbar came down against his ribs. Jason almost heard them break, felt two of them stab his insides and coughed. Blood splattered out of his mouth. He couldn’t breathe properly anymore. 

He forced himself to concentrate on getting out of here. The pain could wait.

“See, this gas in here. It’s a new formula. Scarecrow- you remember him? He had a prototype that my men stole right from under his nose. It draws out your deepest, darkest fears. But then again, I knew yours already. I will have to go back and see what your precious family saw in those shadows.” He gestured grandly around himself, the triumph all too visible on his face. Almost without thinking, he kicked Jason in the stomach. His armour softened the blow a little but the blades still pierced the skin.

“You see, you were right. The real Joker is dead. But he’s nothing against me.”

The difference became more obvious now. The lips were fuller, the skin not that pale. Jason could see the spots where blotches of red had come through. It reminded him, with sudden clarity that this was a human, a man. 

The Joker had been his nightmare but this was just a man. 

And a man, Jason could kill.

“They are all nothing against me! I’m the new King of Gotham!” once more, he turned, leaving his back open and vulnerable. Jason reacted without really thinking, seeing an opening and taking it for all it was worth. Even while he got to his knees, he felt the power dynamic in the room suddenly shift.

Jason let his foot slide on the floor and pull the guy’s legs out from under him. He scooted closer immediately, using that small timeframe to rip the knife out of the guy’s shoe, careful not to give him any chance at an attack. He breathed in, drew back.

His hand shook violently where he had it raised. With one precise motion, he brought down the knife, let it not only pierce but rip the skin so completely that blood splashed his face. A sick gurgling sound erupted from the clown’s throat. His head tipped back, fell to the floor. 

Jason stared at it, watched those eyes that were frozen in eternal shock and turned away. He made it two steps before his body caught up with him.

His knees gave out. Unceremoniously and with a grunt caught between pained and exhausted, he hit the ground.

As his eyes fluttered shut, shutting out all light, he smiled to himself. It was a delicate little thing. But it remained on his face because he knew he had done his job and done it well. He could rest now.

_The King was dead. _

* * *

Jason didn’t remember when it had stopped, if he had gotten himself out or if someone else had. His brain tried and failed to erase the image of green hair and pale skin in a purple waistcoat accompanied by a crimson smile from his memory. He shuddered, realised the difference in temperature to that room he had fainted in. Instead of the freezing cold of the warehouse, he was surrounded by warmth and the soft smell of vanilla. Sitting up didn’t work for two reasons.

One: a blanket had been thrown over him, thick enough for his legs to get tangled.

Two: he was kinda comfy and didn’t really want to move.

It occurred to him then, that he was most probably drugged and he desperately hoped it had been by the good guys. Then again, he didn’t think a villain would have wanted him to feel comfortable.

“Are you awake?”

Well, that was a stupid question if he ever heard one. He tried to nod and it made his head spin. Not good. So, he stopped, trying to locate where that deep voice had come from. Blinking rapidly, he stared up and right into blue eyes that squinted at him as if to assess possible damage.

“You’re still on it.” That would explain why his vision kept spinning. 

“Don’t sit up.” Jason hadn’t realised he had tried to sit up again but Bruce’s hands pushed him back down. They were gentle, this time, and Jason, even while high, didn’t know how to cope with that.

“You breathed in a lot, Jay… it messed with your system…” Huh, that explained a lot. Right? 

“I’m sorry, it took us so long to get to you…” What was he talking about? Jason had had it under control.

“Dick was right, you know? I didn’t want you involved either. I thought- I thought, I could protect you from it this time…”

The confusion increased tenfold. And he still couldn’t make his lips form an answer. 

“I’m not angry with you, if that’s what you’re worried about…” 

Jason shook his head, not really sure, why he would be worried. But maybe his brain didn’t function enough for him to actually _be_ worried at the moment. About anything. 

“I know, why you killed him. And…” he broke off, scratched his head. Jason thought his hair looked soft and wanted to reach out. It made Bruce smile. Jason liked when he smiled. Oh god, he was really off, wasn’t he? 

His clear stream of consciousness ended right there, when his focus re-directed on what Bruce was still saying. 

“And I wouldn’t have done it myself. But- I’m glad, he’s gone. Especially after what he put you through- just…”

Even in his state, Jason realised the magnitude those words had. Progress, his mind provided, this was progress.

“I don’t know how you broke through the hallucinations long enough to do it, but I want you to know, I’m so proud of you.” the gentle smile was back but it was accompanied by a sadness in Bruce’s eyes that Jason didn’t understand. 

“I don’t want to imagine how badly you are hurt or how you kept fighting him in the state you were in. You did so well…” Those eyes shouldn’t be so glassy, Jason thought. It made him sad too. 

“Sorry for keeping you so long. I’ll let you sleep now.”

A hand patted his hair, tangling softly in the shock of white Jason loved so much. He liked the

gentle pull and stretched his neck a little to get closer. 

“_Sleep_, _Jaybird_…” Somewhere in the back of his head, a quiet voice protested, argued with him that the use of this nickname should upset him. But Jason didn’t feel like paying attention to it.

His eyelids fluttered close just when the door did too.

* * *

Jason had had a weird dream last night. Something about Bruce visiting and telling him, he wasn’t mad. He shook it off. Surely, his brain had reached deep into his unconscious and had pulled one of his deepest, darkest wishes out to display it in front of him when he was in a vulnerable state. Wouldn’t have been the first time. 

Now, he couldn’t wait to leave the bed and move his legs. He assessed for damage and found himself quite pleased to say that his wounds were already clogging up and that the contusion in his leg was just that and not a fracture. The bullet that had punctured his chest seemed to have been removed and his arm was in a splint, as was his knee. He didn’t really care too much for a glance in the mirror, quite aware of what his face must look like.

After an attempt at putting weight on his other leg that worked out better than he had hoped for- sure, did wobble a little but hey, at least, he was standing, right? - he made his way down the stairs to the batcave.

“You shouldn’t be walking around,” Tim chided while sipping his coffee. 

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not but go on, knock yourself out. Not like I can stop you. But if you fall and crack your head open, don’t think I’ll even bat an eye.” 

Damn, did the kid have to be such a spitfire in the morning. Secretly, though, Jason adored it. 

“Where are the others?” not that he particularly fancied a family dinner, but he had wondered why Dick hadn’t paid him a visit.

“Damian is still asleep…” Tim said it like someone who envied that fact. Jason couldn’t fault him. He had yet to see the replacement actually take a nap.

“Bruce is with Dick in surgery.”

“Dick is in surgery?” 

When had that happened? 

But then again Jason barely even remembered himself leaving the warehouse, much less anyone else. 

“And you didn’t know that. Sorry.” He looked it too, eyes squinty and a concerned. Jason turned on the spot and hobbled to the surgery.

He found Bruce standing there, staring at the glass while ten people inside were working on Dick’s chest.

“What happened?”

“He fell.” Aha. Yes. Totally. As if that made any sense. Typical Bruce, getting information out of him was like pulling teeth. 

“Fell from where?”

“A trapeze.” Now, wait a minute and hold the fucking phone.

“Dick Grayson fell from a trapeze?” He must have skipped dimensions or something. Jason had never seen Dick fall from anything if he wasn’t attacked to at least two security lines and trying to show off. 

“Yes.”

“How?”

“The gas. It triggered his memory, I think, of his parents. One of the guards shot him in mid-air.” The shiver that went through Bruce looked painful. 

“Like his parents…”

“Yes. That- that clown thought, Dick would just stay down after that.”

“But he didn’t.”

“No.” Of course he didn’t. Why would Dick Grayson ever do the logical thing? Then again, Jason probably wouldn’t have either, so…

“How long have we been out?”

“Two days. It’s his second surgery.”

“You didn’t wake me?”

“I did, but you were…” He gestured towards Jason’s head, likely trying to say “drugged” without words.

“Wait a minute…” Because something had occurred to him just then. 

“That- that wasn’t a dream? You were actually in my room?” 

“Yes?” And now he was looking at Jason as if there was something wrong with _him_ and not with the fact that Bruce had basically let him off without even the slap on the wrist. 

“Oh,” A rush of feelings, warm and cosy, spread through Jason’s chest until he turned his eyes back to the glass. His face fell. 

Bruce apparently noticed, because he let his hand rest on Jason’s shoulder and said:

“He’ll be fine. He’s been through worse.”

“You don’t know that.” His desperation, his fear vibrated through him like an electric shock. 

“No, I don’t.”

Jason’s shoulders sagged. Bruce reached out to him again, hesitating briefly before he let his hand ruffle Jason’s hair. It felt like the cruel echo of yesterday night.

“He’ll pull through.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“He will. He’s strong.” 

But he couldn’t let it go, reaching deep inside him to bring up the elephant in the room.

_“I didn’t.”  
_

“You were different.”

“I’m not him.” He didn’t know why he had said it, what had possessed him to start this particular conversation. Maybe, because the situations were so similar and he couldn’t bear thinking about Dick meeting the same end he had. Maybe, because he needed convince himself that Dick was different, that this wouldn’t happen.

“I never expected you to be.” Bruce said it softly and it fuelled Jason’s anger more than a shout would have. The situation was bad as it was without Bruce being sympathetic all of a sudden.

Jason realised, deep down, the he was just rearing for a fight to calm his nerves, but at this point, he didn’t care. Dick’s life was in the balance and he couldn’t handle it. If starting a fight with Bruce was the only way to take his mind off things, he would take it. Even if it meant to re-open the cut that was engraved in his bones more permanently than any wound he had ever received.

“Yes, you did!” he yelled, because why not, right? Everything to take his mind off of Dick’s lifeless body smeared with blood, his legs standing out in unnatural angles.

“Every damn time, I did something wrong, you told me how Dick fucking Grayson would have handled it better, how I should look up to him. Jason, why can’t you be more like Dick? Dick wouldn’t have needed a second shot! Dick this, Dick that. All day, every day! I didn’t even have a chance! Because you wanted him and I couldn’t-“ he choked, tears streaming down his face. He didn’t even know, if he was crying for himself or for Dick or for both of them.

“I couldn’t be him…” The crux of the issue, here it was. Because if he had been a little better, a little faster, then maybe Dick wouldn’t be in danger right now.   
Bruce looked as if he had a lot to say about that but didn’t actually open his mouth. Jason took it as confirmation.

“I tried, B- you have to-” he had started to hiccough “you have to believe me…” And he had. God, he had tried so hard to be what had been expected of him and he had still fallen short. A failure, he reminded himself. That’s all he was. 

“I don’t want you to be Dick, Jason.” But Jason was beyond hearing it, having worked himself back to that place of jealousy and anger so quickly that nothing reached him anymore.

“Listen to me,” Bruce’s voice held a stern tone. It made Jason snap taught and prepare for the lecture that was sure to follow.

He clenched his teeth.

“You are good enough. You’re not Dick. And I don’t want you to be.” Bruce took a deep breath, his face screwed up as if he didn’t know how to comfort the boy in his arms. Because in that moment, Jason was just that, a boy. Not the Red Hood that had rained violence and blood on Gotham. Not even Robin, Batman’s sidekick with all his snarky attitude and brilliant one-liners.

Not a man.

He was just Jason.

“You’re _Jason_. You’re _my son_. To me, that’s good enough.” 

With that he turned back to the glass, eyes fixed on the unmoving figure that was Dick. Jason was left to stare at a wall with too many emotions running amok in his head for him to handle.

He needed to breathe, god damn it.

* * *

Dick had recovered remarkably well. Despite his initial fear, he could walk without problem after a few weeks. At first, no one would tell him what had happened to them in their rooms, but Dick got it out of them rather quickly. Even Damian had relented in the end.

The only thing to tarnish his mood was that Jason had been absent since the day he had woken up. Dick didn’t let himself feel hurt by the fact Jason hadn’t checked in to see if he was alright.

That was, until he hobbled into Tim in the corridor.

“He has checked in, you know?” Tim said in passing as if that didn’t skew Dick’s world view.

And apparently, he had said that out loud. He cringed, then, Tim’s words really registered.

“He did?”

“Yep. Waited for hours with Bruce until you were out of surgery and given the all-clear.” 

“Oh.”

“I heard Bruce say to Alfred he went to his new safehouse after they had an emotional one-on-one.” Tim shuddered at what that might have entailed.

“Maybe I should go visit…” Dick mused and started to walk away, when Tim’s outstretched hand held him back.

“Why?” 

“Because I wanna see him.”

Tim repeated himself, which he didn’t do often.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? I just told you.” Dick was very much confused. Was there something he didn’t know? Had Jason been injured and nobody had told him? 

“He’s alright, that’s not what I meant,” he paused with his head slightly tilted. 

“I just think that maybe you’re not going for the right reasons…”

“The right- Tim! I just want to see how he’s doing, if he’s alright.”

“That’s not really your job, though, is it?” What was it with the pointed questions today? Jason was not a damsel in distress that needed protecting of her virtue. Not that Dick wanted to steal his virtue or something. God, this was fucked up. 

“Are you kidding me? Just because it’s not my job doesn’t mean that I don’t worry about him!” He felt like that had been clear. Until Tim delivered a fatal blow to his feelings.

“Because you guys are together?”

“We’re not- where did you get that from?” Good job at denying, Grayson, good job. Why don’t you paint “I’m in love with Jason Todd” on your costume and call it a day? 

“Oh, come on, do you really think all of us are blind?” He didn’t let Dick answer, which was probably a wise move, seeing as his response likely wouldn’t have been a kind one.

“And I’m pretty sure, he doesn’t want you mothering him.”

“I’m not mothering anyone! Quit saying that! I just- he got hit by that gas too. I want- I want to see him…” That wasn’t even a lie. He had been worried about what nightmare Jason had gone through since waking up.

“He’s not a charity case, Dick.” Tim’s tone was gentle but his eyes had taken on that steely shimmer Dick had seen back then in the warehouse.

Dick beheld a fleeting glimpse of the future, just then, of Wayne enterprises and how it would flourish in Tim’s hands. He also wondered, when Tim had become so protective of Jason, but then again, they had bonded over time. Dick also suspected that Tim was one of the few people that Jason genuinely liked and that understood him. 

“For god’s sake I never said he was.” He didn’t think that. That was not why he was worried or why he liked him. 

“But did you make it clear to him? After having sex with him? Because I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know that! What if he thinks that this was all a ploy to get him on our side? Does he know that he means something to you? Beyond physical attraction, just to be clear here.”

“I-” Yeah no, he hadn’t. Not at all, come to think of it.

“Don’t even try to deny it. I see the way you look at him.”

“I wasn’t gonna deny it…” That much at least was the truth. 

Damian suddenly inserted himself into the conversation, coming from hell knows where in adorably green pjs. Dick cooed over him for a second before Damian tutted and continued to give his opinion on things he shouldn’t even have an opinion on.

“I think you should express your feelings.”

“What?” Yeah, right because that would go over so well. He had just been shot and didn’t need a reminder, thanks. 

“No, wait- I think Damian is onto something.” Dick knew how much Tim loathed admitting Damian was right, and he appreciated the effort they both put into helping him sort this mess out.

“You need to lay it out for him, so that there is no loophole or room for misinterpretation. He has to understand that you don’t want him for any other reason than for himself. That the only thing you gain from this, is having him close. That you’re prepared to deal with his- you know- everything…”

“I wasn’t aware I wasn’t doing that already …” Lie. Fucking lie. Dick knew it and Tim knew it, and by the looks of it, Damian knew it too. Hell, why not throw in Bruce while they were at it.

“Maybe you were, I don’t know. I just think _he_ isn’t aware of that. You said it yourself, he doesn’t know what to do with intimacy and I don’t want to know where he learned to associate his body with currency but to him that is the default mode and you need to make sure, before you do anything else, that he understands, you won’t do anything that he doesn’t actively wish for.”

“He won’t tell me though, will he? What he wishes for?” 

Dick swore on his life and that of his grandkids, if he ever had any, that he had never seen Damian and Tim agree on something so fast and in unison.

“No.”

Great. This would go over just great. Dick didn’t know what to do with any of that, so he expressed just that. Loudly. With maybe a little too many hand gestures for it to be concise, but hey, he was running out of options here.

“Then what do I do? Every time I try to talk to him about it, he runs out the door or threatens me!” 

“I don’t know, okay?” Tim huffed an exasperated breath that resembled Bruce and Alfred both. 

“It’s not like I have a manual on how to handle Jason Todd. Subtitle: Physical injuries and emotional constipation included.”

“So what? I can’t just walk in there and tell him I love him.” The sarcasm dripped from his voice like caramel from apple pie, just a lot less sweet.

“Why not?” He loved Damian, he really did but sometimes he could strangle the kid. 

“I’m serious. Why can you not do that? We have already established that he will run from any conversation that is even remotely emotional or deep but you still need him to know how you feel, so, why not tell him upon entering?”

Actually, he may have a point there.

Maybe.

Possibly.

_Probably? _

“If he shoots me, you’re cleaning up the mess,” Dick pointed at the both of them in a way that should have been threatening but missed by a mile. 

“Whatever happens, I forbid you from telling me,” with that Damian turned around and walked away. 

“What he said,” Tim threw over his shoulder, walking into the opposite direction and leaving Dick with his thoughts and an idea forming in his head.

“His safehouse is five blocks from here. I sent you the address.” Bruce suddenly spoke up behind Dick, startling him so badly, he almost fell over. Luckily, the bat was fast in pulling him up before he tasted the carpet. 

“Bruce!”

“What? You were talking loud enough.” Dick rolled his eyes when he detected the smirk on Bruce’s lips. He scrolled through his phone, spotted the address and waved a quick goodbye over his shoulder.

Let’s put this plan into motion, he thought.

Time for him to lay the cards on the table and if Jason really didn’t want him, then so be it, but at least he had given it his all.

* * *

Jason was still pacing through the bedroom when Dick appeared on his window still from god knew where. He had been aggravated for the better part of an hour now, hoping against all hope that Dick would show. And yet, here he was, a bit out of breath and clutching his shoulder. 

“Nice to see you all settled in, Little Wing.”

Jason harrumphed in answer and greeting. 

“How’s your-“ he gestured to Dick’s everything, fully aware that he had taken one hell of a beating back there.

“Been better.” But it was accompanied with an easy-going grin, so Jason felt free to concentrate on other matters. Like, for example, that Dick’s presence in his new apartment made him nervous for some reason.

“It looks good, Jay.” Jason cursed Dick in his head for being able to read him without any effort. Because, apparently, he was still fifteen and a sucker for praise from his older brother. Which- considering all that changed between them recently- was not an image he needed a reminder of at the moment, thank you brain.

“I would have come earlier but-“

“Yeah, no. You needed to get checked out. I’m not- I get that.”

“Still should have come over.”

Jason shrugged in what he hoped was a nonchalant way.

“It’s fine, Dick.”

“It really isn’t, though. You were pretty bad off yourself and still made sure I was alright.”

“You would have done the same.”

“But I didn’t.”

“You were unconscious and bleeding like a pig on the slaughtering block.”

“Thanks for the image,” Dick pulled a face that made his nose scrunch up.

“I still don’t think that makes it alright. I should-“

Jason interrupted before Dick could continue to blame himself for something that was out of his hands. 

“You’re here now, aren’t you?” he bit out, feeling a little on edge with the whole situation. 

Dick rolled his eyes at him, the idiot.

“Yes.”

“Good. So, get your ass over here and help me make dinner, Dickhead before I let you do it yourself.” 

Sarcasm, after all, was always a safe retreat.

* * *

They ate dinner in comfortable silence, did the dishes in quiet companionship and put away the plates before Dick spoke up.

“What did you see? In there…”

“Nothing.”

“Jason-“

“Nope. We’re not talking about this.”

“Yes we are.”

“Go ahead then-“ he motioned in mockery of a circus director for Dick to take the floor. 

“What did _you_ see, huh?”

“You.”

“What?”

“I saw you. And Dami and Tim, Bruce- I saw my parents, how they were before they were killed. And I thought it was okay. That this wouldn’t be so bad. But then-“

Dick stared at something above Jason’s head and Jason remembered, just then, what had happened in such a height a long time ago. 

“I saw them- I saw them fall. Just like that.” he snapped his fingers, the sound harsh in the silence of the room.

“And then there was Bruce, getting shot in the chest. Tim, with the bomb around his neck. And I saw Dami- I saw him getting stabbed with those stupid swords he keeps in his backpack as if we haven’t told him a hundred times already how dangerous that is. And then there was you-“

Jason’s gaze shot up from where he was staring at the floor. The look on Dick’s face frightened him. Haunted, thrilling, dark. As if Nightwing’s mask had slid back into place, obscuring his features to something unreadable.

“I wasn’t there when he got you. But when Bruce told me, I had that image in my head. And then you came in with those same marks- remember? That night, I saw what you must have looked like back then. And I couldn’t deal with that. It haunted me for weeks. Because I wasn’t there in time to safe you. In my head, I kept replaying the way those bruises stretched over your body and the gas showed me- it showed me what I thought happened that night. Until he blew you up.” 

Dick stopped, hesitated, then, in a voice that was barely above a whisper, he added: 

“I was glad. I was so, so glad. Because it was _over_. You didn’t have to hurt anymore…”

“Dick-“

“I’m sorry, Jay. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there when-“

“That’s what I saw.” Jason hadn’t meant to interrupt him, but he couldn’t stop himself. He needed that haunted look gone from Dick’s eyes. 

“I was back there and I felt it, Dickie- I felt every hit, every time he hurt me…”

He loathed admitting to it, hated thinking back to that pain. And he decided then, almost on a whim, to tell his story. Even if it was Dick, he told it to. He just needed someone to listen, someone to understand what had happened to him, why he behaved like this.

He needed someone to understand that this wasn’t his fault.

“Do you know what happened to me there? When I woke up in that- in that pit?” He was so exhausted.

“No.” Dick croaked out. Jason barely had the strength to go on. 

“There was nothing. For so long. Just pain and green and pain again.”

“Jay-“

“Let me finish.”

When Dick opened his mouth, likely to cut in, Jason pressed out a pained “_Please…_” between his teeth.

Dick remained silent, gesturing for Jason to go on. Jason ignored the glassy look in the sea of blue that was Dick’s eyes.

“I couldn’t- Dickie, you have no idea how that felt like- waking up in there, acid all around me, suffocating me- I- I don’t remember getting out but-“ he had to take a breath and realised, his arms were trembling so he quickly crossed them over his chest. 

“She found me and- I don’t know how to this, alright? I don’t- I’m not-“ He couldn’t help the sting in his eyes or that tears burned on his cheeks- shameful evidence of how his feelings constantly threatened to overwhelm him.

“I’m not good with-“ he gestured towards Dick as if to say: look at me! Don’t you see? Don’t you see how fucked up I am?

“She showed me how- you know? How to get what I want. I just needed to- I needed to learn to switch it off. I didn’t feel anything when I was with them- didn’t want to- and then you-“ He breathed in against the lump in his throat.

“You came along and I couldn’t- I couldn’t not feel- it’s- it’s too much and I don’t-“ he hiccoughed around the words being garbled up in his mouth. 

“I don’t know how to switch it off again…”

“You don’t have to switch it off.” Dick blurted out, stupid hope vibrating in every fibre. Jason could barely make himself look at him. It hurt too much. 

“I do! I do have to- because if I don’t- if I don’t-“

“What happens if you don’t, Jay?” 

His voice was only a whisper, barely even there, almost imperceptible even in the silence of the room.

_“It’ll shatter me…”_

* * *

Dick had to cut in and fast. This conversation had derailed too quickly for him to step in and save it. So, he hurried to say what he hoped would calm Jason down.

“I won’t leave. I promise, I won’t. I know how that sounds and that we both could die tomorrow but I want you to know that I- that I’m in for the long haul. You mean so much to me, alright? And I know that you don’t believe me, that you think, come morning, I’ll find something I can’t deal with and just up and leave.”

And it was the truth, he realised. He wasn’t saying it to keep Jason from doing something he’d likely regret. He was saying it because he meant it. Dick breathed in, fully aware that his next sentence could break whatever they had managed to build.

And he said it anyway.

Because Jason needed - _deserved_ \- to hear it.

“I love you.” 

Jason jerked away violently.

“Don’t say that.”

“Please, don’t say that- I _can’t_-“

“Yes, you can! Listen to me: I love you, Little Wing. I love you so much.”

**“Stop!”** he had to get out of here and Dick refused to let him. Where was- he needed his gun, his knifes, something to get him the fuck out of here.

Dick still didn’t budge, even when Jason started throwing punches at his faces, his shoulders, his chest.

“Let me go! I need- _Dick_\- please!” Dick did have a thing for Jason pleading but this was so far away from ticking his boxes, it was almost comical. 

“No! You’re not leaving! You need to hear this and I won’t let you go until you do!” he didn’t fight back against the onslaught of kicks. 

“Hurt me all you want, I won’t move!” 

“I need to go- I need-“ it was the moment his last defence broke like a damn. He collapsed, knees giving out. Tears streamed down his face and his whole body shook with the force of it.

Dick kneeled down beside him, a hand slowly reaching out to Jason’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry- that I wasn’t there for you then and when you came back. There’s no excuse and I’m not asking you to forgive me. I just- what I’m asking is that you listen to me when I say that I fell for you, Jay. Because I did. And I don’t know when I went from wanting to hit you on the head for thinking you don’t matter to us- to me- to wanting to kiss you senseless when you open your goddamn mouth.”

“Dick-“ He hated how unbelieving Jason sounded, how convinced he was that this was not real. But that was okay, he could deal with that, even if it took forever. If Jason wanted him there, Dick would be there.

And he didn’t feel proud for asking this from Jason, for asking anything at all, but his own insecurities that he had hidden so well over time that he himself didn’t know the depths of them anymore, they all came crawling to the surface in the wake of Jason’s reluctance to meet his eyes. 

“Look: I don’t need to hear you say it and I don’t need you to promise me anything. I really don’t. But I do need to know that I mean something to you too. Even if you don’t want me like this. I don’t want to trap you or something. I just- if you do- if there is a part of you that maybe does feel something for me, I need to know. Because I can’t- I don’t know if I can handle for this to go on if you don’t-“

Jason kissed him then, lips swallowing the words that Dick had needed to say. 

“I- I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say it. It’s not that I don’t, I just think- I’m not good with all of that…” he gestured to himself and then between them. 

“I knew that the first time I saw you, you know? That you and I were never going to be easy.”

“You knew that this would happen?”

“No. But I knew you were going to push all of my buttons.” He smiled at the memory of a fourteen-year old Jason stomping his feet in the hallways of the manor, how he had glowered whenever Dick had put him on his back in training just to kick Dick’s legs out from under him when he had turned his back.

“And you still do. It’s why I fell for you so damn hard, Little Wing. Because you’re a fucking menace and I can’t- I don’t want to be apart from you.”

“I don’t know if I can- it’s not- I’m fucked in the head, Dick. That won’t change.”

“You’re not fucked in the head. You’re-“ He paused, thinking carefully how to phrase what he wanted to say so that Jason would understand.

With a deep breath, he continued “You’re you. And I know it won’t be a walk in the park. There’ll be days when neither of us will want to talk. When you’ll put on that helmet and burst a drug cartel that will leave you dead on your feet. And that’s okay. That’s who we are, Jay. I don’t want that to change. I just-“ Dick fought vehemently against the tears burning in his eyes, his hope and pain reflected in Jason’s orbits of green that threatened to swallow him whole until would drown in them. 

“I want you to come home to me. Whatever happens, however long it takes you- I want you to come home.”

“I can’t promise- sometimes it gets too much…”

“I know.”

“But I- I want to try.” Dick noticed the strain in Jason’s shoulder even under the jacket. 

“Good enough for me,” he said, voice rough around the edges. Jason perked up a little, the tension slowly leaking out of his stance.

Dick allowed himself to slide closer. He didn’t know if it was his best idea or how Jason would respond, so, before he could make his move, he decided to warn the other of his intentions, just to give him a chance to back out.

“I want to kiss you.”

No answer came for, what felt to Dick like a long time, then, barely perceptible to anyone who wasn’t looking, Jason’s mouth dropped open ever so slightly. Dick held eye contact until he couldn’t anymore and leaned inch by inch. Jason had plenty of time to dodge him, but didn’t.

Instead, when Dick’s lips grazed his, Jason’s hands went to Dick’s waist in an instant.  
  


* * *

The bed creaked under their combined weight. Dick made a mental note to buy a new one, a bigger one- hell, why not buy a new safehouse while he was at it. They had managed to shove all their dark emotions aside and find a little safe haven in the touches they trailed over each other’s skin.

Dick still felt uneasy thinking back to the other times they had done that and yet, it was all so new, almost hesitant. The usual air of haste was not present, their anger, the fight for dominance, had evaporated. Jason, who was currently on his back and completely undressed, raised his hips in an invitation Dick couldn’t ignore any longer. Especially seeing as his own cock was throbbing between his legs.

“Let me take care of you…” he whispered against Jason’s overheated skin. 

“I don’t-“ Jason trailed off, huffed a breath, exasperatedly. 

“You don’t know how to ask for it, do you?”

“Nnnngh…”

“You _can_ ask for it, you know? I don’t ever want you to think I won’t listen, okay? And I know you probably won’t ever ask and that’s okay too, but just know that you can. There’s nothing wrong with asking for things you want.” He punctuated that with a hard tug at Jason’s cock. It paid off, considering how Jason’s eyes went a little glassy and his mouth dropped open.

“Dick, _please_! Fuck, I need…” Now this was the pleading, he was talking about. He could listen to that voice saying “please” all day. Meanwhile, Jason’s hips bucked on their own accord.

“Tell me, Little Wing…” Dick breathed against Jason’s neck, relishing the shudder it elicited.

“What do you need?” 

“I- nngh- I,” seemingly unable to answer, Jason moved against Dick’s hand, searching friction that Dick was all too happy to provide.

“Like this, Jay?”

Jason nodded, his lashes fluttering when his eyes fell closed.

“You want me to get you off like this? With my hand around your cock? Watching you?”

A drawn out “Ye-esss…” followed by another upward movement was the response.

“Or do you want something else? Hm?” His hand loosened the grip around Jason’s erection, which was acknowledged by pitiful whine, and trailed further down the other’s body. Jason’s legs fell apart, almost unconsciously as Dick noted, and he arched his back as if to chase Dick’s hand. Dick gently urged Jason to lay back down, whispering soothing words into the crook of his neck.

“You have no idea what you do to me, Jay…” Jason didn’t answer verbally but Dick saw a blush spread down to his navel and hummed, pleased with the reaction.

Cautious fingers fondled Jason’s balls and his mouth watered when the action caused them to draw up even more.

“Tell me if it’s too much and I’ll stop…” Dick didn’t move an inch further down until Jason nodded his head twice, the motion shaky and not convincing but it would do for the moment.

Dick re-situated himself fully between Jason’s thighs, one hand rubbing soothing patterns over Jason’s knee and up to his hip. The other dipped lower, resting softly, barely there, over Jason’s perineum. Jason jack-rabbited off the bed in a beautiful arch. 

“Dick!” he sounded alarmed by his own almost violent reaction and Dick was quick to reassure.

“I’ve got you, Jay. Relax…” his voice had taken on a low tone, a bit breathy and yet still dark. He reached down again, ghosting a finger over Jason’s hole. This time, it seemed as if the latter was prepared, clenching his abs to remain on the bed. It must have cost him a rather high amount of control, Dick mused, to force down the natural reaction of his own body. The thought saddened him and he leaned down to whisper into Jason’s ear.

“Don’t hold back…” Jason held his breath “I like how responsive you are…” 

A high whimper escaped Jason’s mouth, his hands shot to Dick’s shoulders, keeping him in place.

“I-“ he broke off. Dick felt Jason’s hips, his cock, rub against his body with increasing speed and smirked to himself. He let the younger man continue for two, three more thrusts, watching somewhat amusedly as Jason climbed higher on the wave of arousal. Then, when the tell-tale signs were becoming obvious, the way his abs tightened, how precome steadily oozed from his cock and the teeth sinking into Jason’s lip until he drew blood, Dick drew back suddenly.

“N-nngh no, fffuck-“ Jason’s hand shot to his cock, his thighs strained around Dick’s waist, he bucked up. Dick didn’t waste any time taking Jason’s hands in his and pulling them away. Sweat had gathered on Jason’s forehead, his face was flushed like a cherry that Dick couldn’t wait to taste.

“You look-“ he started and then decided to pull Jason in for a bruising kiss before finishing his sentence with a word that had Jason flush even deeper: “_delicious_”.

“’m not!” Jason panted against his lips, with reluctance that edged on petulance. 

“Yes, you are.” As if to prove a point, Dick chose that precise moment to let his finger breach the tight ring of muscles he had been circling. Jason groaned, his fingers tangling the sheets.

“I- _Dick_-”

“Still here, Little Wing.” Jason had tried to sit up, shuffle away but fell back against the pillow at the nickname. Dick carefully rested his hand back against Jason’ hip in an attempt to soothe and yet not make him feel trapped. When he felt Jason slowly relax around his finger, he started to move the digit slowly in and out. After making sure that Jason’s breath had been coming steadily for a few minutes, he dared let his finger graze that small bundle of nerves he knew would Jason make see stars.

The desired effect kicked in with such force that Dick was almost thrown off the bed. 

“_Fuck!_ Wha-“ Jason swallowed, breathing heavily, his hips bucked as if to simultaneously chase the sensation and get away from it.

“What was that?” He sounded oh so confused, which Dick silently delighted in.

“That?” he asked around a smile and let his finger jab the bundle again. Jason almost ripped the sheets he was clinging to. The words, though, that came out of his mouth in an almost hysteric rumble, made Dick’s heart sink.

“I can’t- Dick! _Shit_, I can’t-“

Dick immediately pulled away, careful not to touch Jason more than necessary.

“Sorry- I’m sorry… fuck, I’m sorry-“ Jason babbled, one hand covering his face. It confused Dick to no ends.

“What’s wrong? Hey- look at me…” He tried to pull Jason’s hands away but was shoved back hard enough to hurt. 

“Jay-“ 

“I’m sorry- sorry-“ he kept repeating the one sentence as if on replay. Something in Dick’s chest clenched painfully. 

“What are you sorry for? You didn’t do anything wrong. There is nothing to be sorry for.”

But Jason didn’t hear him and instead mumbled to himself. 

_“Jason.” _Maybe the stern tone wasn’t necessary, but Dick needed to rectify whatever was going wrong here.

“You. Did. Nothing. Wrong.” He emphasised each word, hoping it would strike a nerve.

“I don’t know what this is about, but-“

“I’m fucked up! Don’t you get that! I’m a shit-show and I can’t even get laid for fuck’s sake!”

“You’re not.”

“Fuck off!”

“No. I mean it. It’s okay to not feel comfortable or-“

“It’s really fucking not though!”

_“What?”  
_

“What do you mean what?” 

“Do you really- Jason-“

“_What?_ Spit it out, Grayson!”

“You know that you’re allowed to say no, right? You’re allowed to tell me when you don’t like something. Hell, you’re allowed to not want to fuck at all-“

He paused, caught off-guard by the expression on Jason’s face.

“You- you know that, right? This is not news to you, right?” 

Realisation dawned quickly and with an unsettling feeling dropping in his stomach.

“Oh god, no! Jay, please, _please_ tell me you didn’t-“

“Told you I was fucked up,” Jason said, accompanying it with a shrug that set Dick’s anger off even more. 

“That’s not- Jay-“ a thought occurred to him “Last time we- we had sex, did you-“

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, Grayson.”

“Jason! Can you just- just tell me, _please_-” Maybe it was the firm call of his name or it was the added “please” but something in Jason’s mannerism changed.

“I like- I want-“ he huffed as if exasperated with himself. Dick’s first instinct was to reach out but he didn’t know if Jason wanted to be touched right now, so he refrained. 

“I liked that,” was what he settled on. And Dick could live with that.

What he could not live with, however, was Jason not knowing he was allowed to say no. Or that he was allowed not to like something. His stomach churned when he thought about who might have been responsible for Jason’s mindset and all the times he must have compromised on his own needs and limits since then. 

“Ok. Okay, so can we- this is a two-way street, you know? The idea of you powering through something because you think you’re supposed to, kinda takes the fun out of it for me.”

“Oh.” 

“Just so we’re clear here.”

Dick had anticipated another attempt to dodge the conversation, so he was surprised when Jason scratched his head in a way that indicated he was nervous.

“What-“ Jason cut himself off to nibble on his lip. He glanced at Dick with something almost shy in his eyes.

“What do you like?”

“You mean-“

“What gets you off.”

“Enthusiasm?” It wasn’t his finest moment, Dick was well aware but he ached to lift the spirit in the room, take Jason’s mind off of whatever he was struggling with, even if it was just for a while.

“Don’t be a dick.”

“I feel like I have a right to be, given that it’s my name and all.” 

“Can you be serious, for once?”

“Hm let me think… I like when you kiss me.”

Jason threw a pillow at him. Since Dick hadn’t really anticipated that, it hit him square in the face.

“Come on-“

“Alright,” he held up his hands in a defensive gesture and settled back on his heels. 

“I like sucking you off.”

“How does sucking me get you off?” It didn’t sound like he was being made fun of but rather as serious question. Dick loved to demonstrate, so he leaned in close, one hand steady on Jason’s naked chest, fingers trailing slowly down south, while the other tangled in his hair.

He pulled experimentally until Jason’s head fell back to reveal his throat. Dick let his breath ghost over the taunt skin there and whispered: 

“I like watching you writhe on the sheets, bucking up into my mouth and straining not to arch your hips off the bed.”

Jason groaned then, in a way that sounded like he had been gutted. Dick chuckled and let go, sitting back again. 

“Right” it came out rather breathless, a blush started to form on Jason’s cheeks. 

“I can- uh I can see what you mean…”

If Dick wasn’t sorely mistaken, and he was pretty sure that he wasn’t, then Jason was getting aroused.

“Do you now…” Dick was fairly sure that the look in Jason’s eyes darkened considerably when it travelled down his body. 

_“Yes…”_

“What about you, Little Wing? Hm?” Dick dared leaning in again, careful, this time, to take this at a pace Jason was comfortable with.

“What do you like?” He whispered against Jason’s lips before closing the distance and kissing him. Jason opened up to let his tongue inside, gasping when Dick’s fingers found his waist again.

“I uh- I don’t-“

“You don’t what?”

“I don’t know,” he said it so shamefully, so brokenly that Dick’s emotions threatened to suffocate him. If he let them. Which he was determined not to. 

“Okay.”

“But I wanna…” Dick didn’t quite catch the tail end of the sentence. He wished he had, just so that he could grant Jason whatever it was he desired. However, the latter obviously had a different idea, grabbing Dick and flipping them over until he was situated between Dick’s legs.

“Jay?”

“Let me…” burning lips made their way downwards to Dick’s navel and even below.

_“Please let me…”_ Jason whispered, his breath tickling Dick’s sensitive skin.

“Whatever you want, Little Wing,” he promised, voice already a little shaky. It seemed to encourage Jason to go on. With seemingly tentative fingers he gave Dick’s cock a few slow tugs before taking him in all at once. Dick couldn’t contain the groan that erupted from him.

“That’s it-“ Dick praised when Jason swallowed him down. Jason moaned around him, the vibration of his throat making Dick see stars. Dick barely managed to keep his eyes open but was beyond glad he had when he saw Jason blink up at him, pouty lips stretched around his length, glassy eyes with enlarged pupils that swallowed the greenish blue almost completely.

“_Jay_-” His fingers tangled in Jason’s hair, pulling a little more harshly than he had intended. Jason keened low in his throat and Dick saw his hand reach downwards. 

“You like that, Jay? Letting me fuck your mouth? Holding you there just like that?”

The defiant gleam Dick loved so much entered Jason’s eyes. It was all the warning Dick got before Jason pulled him forward by the hips and swallowed around him until his nose hit Dick’s neatly trimmed pubic hair. 

_“Fffuck!”_ Dick cursed, shaking violently. He felt the orgasm build fat in his body, his heart racing towards the finish line. Before he reached the point of no return, he had the presence of mind to abruptly push Jason off him. 

“What the fuck-“ Jason spluttered, spit smeared around those delicious lips.

“Sorry, Little Wing. Got a little too excited there for a minute…”

The smug grin that formed on Jason’s features was as attractive as it was cocky. And Dick had trouble not drooling over it.

“Come here?” He held his hand out for Jason to take and pulled him in when he did. They fell down against the cushions, Jason’s hard cock rubbing against Dick’s.

Jason suddenly drew back slightly, not enough for Dick to be alarmed but enough for him to capture his gaze.

“I wanna try-“ he admitted, cheeks flushed and a wild look in his eyes. 

“You don’t have to.”

“I know.” Jason once more met his lips “but I want to.”

“You can say no-“ Dick noticed that Jason opened his mouth as if to speak up and he shushed him before he could.

“You can say no anytime. I won’t judge, I won’t hold it against you, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, alright?” 

Jason visibly cringed but still nodded his understanding.

“Lie back?” Dick directed Jason onto his back, careful not to crowd him too much. He noticed that Jason’s erection had softened a bit and smirked to himself before taking him into his mouth in one swift motion. Jason, as predicted, arched a little, his cock immediately filling out. While Jason was distracted with the sensation Dick’s mouth provided, Dick let his finger travel once more. Just when Jason started writhing under him, Dick pressed against Jason’s perineum.

“Dick!“ Jason scrambled for something to hold onto, hands fisting in the sheets while his legs spasmed.

Dick pulled off and fluttered his lashes innocently.

“Yes?” 

“F- feels good-“

“I know it does, Little Wing, now-“ he reached around “why don’t you focus on keeping this gorgeous ass on the bed?” 

To emphasise, he used a little of his strength to physically push Jason’s legs apart swiftly so that he had no leverage and fell back down. The surprised squeak that escaped Jason that Dick found secretly adorable.

“Can you keep them there?” Jason nodded frantically. 

_“Good…” _

Dick let his tongue dart out to lick the head of Jason’s cock- it elicited one of those toe-curling moans- and simultaneously circled around Jason’s hole. He alternated swallowing Jason down and prodding against his entrance. 

“Can- can you get on with it?” 

“Patience, Jay,” Dick tutted, voice hoarse after feeling Jason’s cock nudge the back of his throat. It was just then, when he let his finger breech Jason’s hole.

“Shit- shit- shit…” Jason’s chest heaved with effort, his legs clenched around Dick, boxing him in. Dick remained motionless where he was, wanting to give Jason a chance to calm himself and get used to the sensation. It took a while until his breath evened out and he nodded abruptly for Dick to continue. Dick complied, wriggling his finger a little and searching for Jason’s prostate.

He moved a little to the right and upwards, saw Jason’s eyes roll back and his cock twitch.

“Stop! _Fuck_\- stop!”

Without hesitation, Dick leaned back. Jason’s whole body lay on the bed caught in visible tension. It lasted but a moment.

“Can you-“ there was something undeniably wrong with Jason’s voice, but Dick didn’t want to pressure him. So, he waited until Jason was ready to express what was going on in his head. 

“Can we just-“ he once again halted, leaving his sentence unfinished. Then, as if changing his mind, he also changed course:

“It’s too much…” 

“What is too much, Jay?” Dick wanted to reach out and touch him so badly, just to get close to him, nothing more.

“That- that feeling- _there_-“ he pointed towards his lower half, blushing a brilliant red.

“Do you want to get dressed?” Dick knew some people felt uncomfortable with being this kind of exposed apart from actively having sex. 

“No, I- I don’t want to stop- I just-“ 

“Yes?” Anything. And if Jason wanted to cuddle in cute pjs and watch TV, then so be it. Dick would love that-

“Can we do something else?”

Oh. Well, certainly. Especially seeing as Jason’s cock was still rock hard. So was Dick’s by the way, not that he had a problem with that.

“What did you have in mind?” 

“Can you- like before? When you were-“ he made a rather crude hand gesture that Dick perfectly understood. 

“You want that?” But Dick’s fingers had already curled around his length.

“Yes,” Jason gasped, laying back against the bed. He pulled Dick on top of him so that their hips aligned. 

“Like this?”

_“Yesss…”_

Dick grinned, let his hips roll down. The movement made the heat in his cock spread upwards to his belly, to his chest and reached his hairline in a faint blush, sweat breaking out on his forehead. They found a rhythm, Jason’s hand grabbing Dick’s ass for purpose and his legs digging into the mattress while he pulled Dick down against him. A spike of arousal shot through Dick with lightning speed when Jason’s head thumped back and his mouth opened in a groan. 

“So close- I’m so close…” Jason whispered, a pleading tone evident in his voice. Dick, always a sucker for seeing Jason become undone, sped up, felt himself climb higher too. It was then, that the low light of the bedroom hit Jason’s face in a way it hadn’t before. Dick stuttered in his movements, stopped almost completely. His eyes had caught the faint trace on Jason’s skin and he couldn’t avert them anymore.

Jason stared up at him with a heady mix of emotions in his gaze. 

“Jay-“ Dick breathed, fingers reaching out to lie against Jason’s cheek. He felt the indent in the skin, the curve of the letter against the pad of his thumb. Jason shuddered, looked down. 

“Don’t-“

But Dick was mesmerised by it. Because Jason had come back, to them, and he was here with Dick, stripped bare of his armour and more vulnerable than any time before, willingly and just for Dick’s eyes alone. 

“I love you, Jay-“ he hadn’t meant to say it again, so painfully aware that Jason didn’t know how to handle it but his emotions had overwhelmed him. 

_“Dick!”_

Jason’s teeth found his shoulder, his grip went iron around Dick’s waist. Before Dick had any idea what was going on, Jason humped against him, hot fluid quickly spreading between them while Dick felt Jason’s cock throb against his own.

Jason held him there, bucked against him frantically, his eyes half-way open so that only white was visible. It was the single hottest thing, Dick had ever witnessed. He reached down, to still Jason as much as get a hand around himself.

With trembling fingers, he squeezed his cock, adding a twist on every upstroke. The muscles in his arms screamed from exhaustion. Dick took one look at Jason’s blissed out face, those greenish eyes watching him like a hawk and he too toppled over the edge. White engulfed him, blinding in its intensity. He twitched in Jason’s grip, held up by the strength of Jason’s arms alone. 

“Dick, I-“ Jason didn’t look at him, his eyes glued to a spot on the ceiling and yet so far gone to somewhere Dick couldn’t see.

“What you said- I- I want that.”

“Okay.”

“I just don’t get why you want-“ he breathed through his nose hard enough that his nostrils flared. 

“Why you’d want that with me. I’m-“ finally his eyes met Dick’s, too large and afraid for someone his age and statue. 

“I’m broken…”

“No.”

“Dick-“ His tone held a firm warning. Dick ignored it.

“No. You’re not. I said it to Bruce and I’ll say it to you until you believe me. I don’t care how long that takes.” 

Dick forced himself to calm down. He reached for Jason’s chin, pinned him there, eyes never leaving him.

“You’re not broken. You never were. He didn’t break you. That’s not what happened. You’re- you’re just a little rough around the edges.”

“Don’t make it sound like it’s nothing.”

“I’m not. I’m not making fun of you, I’m just trying to tell you that you’re not broken- you’re not lost. I don’t want to fix you, Jay.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I want you to be able to heal.”

Jason’s voice was barely above a whisper when he asked:

“What if I can’t?”

“Then that’s okay too.”

“Not broken, huh?” If Dick wasn’t mistaken, Jason sounded a little lighter, a little less haunted. 

“No. Just hurt.” Dick answered with finality. He mused for a second then and decided to add:

_“Like we all are.”_  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed it. If there are any suggestions, comments or other forms of expressing your opinion, let me say that they are much appreciated.


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